First off thank you SO much for all the amazing letters I received from so many of you who are also childless. I am still responding to those emails so please know I am not ignoring yours if you haven’t gotten a response from me yet. You all shared extremely private things about your journey to hopefully become a Mom, I don’t take that lightly at all that you opened up to me and shared your own personal pain with me, I appreciate all of you so much.
Most of my close friends have children, only a few don’t. One of my girlfriends who’d like to have children just hasn’t found the right relationship yet. She has zero interest bringing a child into this world without a father, so the whole adopt as a single woman or do artificial insemination thing is out. Let’s start there, here you have a woman who desires to fall in love and then bring a baby into this world with the man she loves. And yet people are like “ tick tock honey time is running out, if you want a child you better just do it without a man.” This is the shit she will hear sometimes.
Good God how ridiculous people can be. This good friend of mine not only has her heart aching to find a good man, she also really wants to have children. And the one thing some jackass people can say is tick tock. Yep that’s a woman’s favorite thing to hear is tick tock time is running out. As if women 35 and older don’t already know that. Gee thanks for sticking the knife further in her gut, cause until you said that she had NO idea that as she reaches 35 and older her egg count goes way down. Then to really dig that knife in, those same dumb people say “well you can’t have it all”….REALLY!! Wanting to have a family with the man you love is now considered having it all. Holy shit, what the hell has happened to our society.
Listen up you insensitive asses, a child isn’t a toy, an accessory or something you have out of selfishness. My good friend isn’t going to put her desires ahead of what she feels is best for a child. And what she and so many women feel are best for children is that they be brought into this world with 2 loving parents. That isn’t wanting it all, for them it’s doing what’s right.
Yes there are many choices out there for people who want children. But not all those choices are compatible for every person. For some adopting/fostering works for them for others it doesn’t. Freezing eggs may be an awesome option for one woman and not so awesome for another. Artificial insemination, a surrogate , fertility treatments all may be what one woman wants to try while another has no interest in those things. And yes some women still want to have a baby the old fashioned way, while in a relationship with the person they love, them waiting for that to happen doesn’t make their desire for that outcome any less valid because there are many other ways to have a baby. Not all the ways work for everyone.
So the next time you think you should tell a childless woman all the ways there are to have children these days. Don’t. She already knows. And if she wants to talk to you about it she will bring it up. Thanks!!