Until I’m a Mom…..

Not being a mom, as you all know, pains me deeply. I also know it pains A LOT of women who are childless. I thought I’d give myself this outlet not just for me but for all of us that want to me Mommies. There are numerous reasons you may not be a Mom…yet. But the desire and dream to be one is there.. and it’s all too strong, sometimes it can be overwhelming and consuming. I’ve been thinking about putting a page like this up for awhile now and then you know life gets in the way…

So I will thank the movie Bad Moms for reminding me! Why did that movie remind me about this page, only someone who has kids or someone who doesn’t want them would ask that question, am I right girls!!!! Great that’s all we needed was a movie to remind us that we don’t have children, bring on sleep deprivation, never feeling like you are doing enough as a Mom and having to deal with all the mean Moms, us Childless women who want children say bring it on!! Hahahahaha!! We’ll happily take all of that instead of not experiencing Motherhood.

Thru the years I have gone to some blogs hoping to find encouragement or just a group of women who understood how I felt. Sadly most blogs I found were depressing! If I’m already having one of ‘those’ days and you know what kind of ‘day’ I’m talking about the kind where your heart hurts so bad that you cry at diaper commercials looking at those babies, I sure as shit don’t want to be more sad on those days! So I thought why don’t I start a page on our website, not that I’m this great writer, I’m actually a terrible writer!! But I digress… or that I represent all women who wish to be moms but aren’t, cause I know I don’t represent all of you! We are a complex group each of us with our own stories and journeys as to why we are still childless..I hope you get some kind of relief from this page if only for a moment…

So until I’m a mom, I’m going to remind myself how my husband says to me ‘babe it’s not IF it’s WHEN you are a mom.’ And remember that he and I lift this up to God, and it’s in His timing. So in the meantime there are numerous things for me to be grateful for and feel blessed and one of those many but VERY important things is how throughout my marriage to Gary he and I have been asked to take some of our friends and families children if they as the parents should pass away.

Early on in our marriage we could have at any point had 8 children that we would be responsible for. Those children have since grown up. Now at any point we could end up with 9 children. Now of course you hope this NEVER happens because that would mean the worst happened to those children’s parents and to friends and family that we love dearly.

What an honor it is to be asked to take someone’s children. That means they love and trust us enough to put their children in our care if the worst were to happen. That’s a total of 17 kids and 6 different sets of parents asking Gary and I to care for their children. And we aren’t even parents, yet these folks who are parents believe in their hearts that we would be amazing for their children. Big sigh here as I read that and really let it sink in.

That’s a pretty BIG freaking deal. It really is. And It’s something I really need to remind myself of when I’m in a super down place that I’m not a Mom. I know when you are down about this it may be difficult to think of the blessings in your life that you have now and I know they won’t replace the child you so desperately want but until that child or children enters your life, try and remember the blessings you have now which will help put a smile on your face and joy in your heart.

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