Who wants to talk about abortion? Raise your hand

Nothing says “Happy Mother’s Day,” more than a column on abortion.

Yup…I’m stepping on the third rail, so “X” out now if you aren’t up for a little fetus versus baby versus woman’s control over her own body smackdown.

The abortion debate is back front and center and loud and proud. Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that it never went away, but it also hasn’t been at the forefront of public discourse like it is once again for the first time in decades.

All of this was inevitable, of course. Anytime a policy is decided by courts, as opposed to public opinion, it is never truly decided. While things like gay marriage and legalized marijuana are still debated by the lunatic fringe, they are mostly settled law in terms of public opinion because the overwhelming majority of people evolved, gave in, accepted, or stopped caring about each on their own. They weren’t told by a panel of judges what to believe, they either changed their minds or were bullied by public opinion. Either way, you don’t see any state legislatures trying to outlaw homosexuality any longer. At least not until Vice-President Mike Pence becomes President. Hi-YO! That’s a good one…like Pence could ever be elected President!

But I digress.

I am uniquely qualified to comment on abortion because I am the only human-being I know who quite literally has zero opinion on it. Conversely, I can make a head spinning constitutional argument for and against either side masterfully. The fact that I’m a man just makes it more delicious for all of the feminazis.

I have long used abortion as an example of why I don’t believe in compromise, I believe in winning. For where is the compromise on abortion? Do we only abort half of the baby?

That’s meant to be hyperbolic, of course, but it’s also instructive because the truth of the matter is that if you believe life begins at conception, then you by definition believe that abortion is murdering a baby, and there’s no compromise on Earth that will appease you short of banning all abortions in all cases. Equally infuriating to the other side is the suggestion that we don’t own our bodies. Abortion isn’t actually about the baby to the pro-choice side, it’s about the woman. And if you tell her one thing she can’t do with her own body, then you can tell her anything, and since the baby is part of her body until it isn’t, she can decide, right up until the final minutes, what to do with it or to it. And if that’s your position, there is no compromise on Earth that will appease you short of abortions for anyone, anytime, anywhere.

The main problem with the abortion debate is that those two positions have the loudest voices and the deepest pockets, and they will prevent us from ever solving this problem. Approximately 56 million abortions occur on this planet every year, with the United States accounting for about 1 million of them. In America, our abortion rate is about 20%, meaning 1 out of every 5 pregnancies is aborted. To some, those figures are abhorrent, to others they’re a good start. And on an on the impasse goes.

The truth of the matter is that there is a compromise to the vast majority of Americans, and it lies in a quote by former President Bill Clinton; when you dig deeply into public opinion surveys, the overwhelming majority of Americans, including Republicans and people of faith, agree that abortions in America should be safe, legal, and rare. The zealots have problems with the last two of those. “Legal,” is a non-starter for the lunatics in the pro-life crowd, and “rare,” implies limitations on what a woman can do with her body to the maniacal whackos on the pro-choice side, and that’s why we’ll never solve this problem.

Rather, we now have geographical battles occurring across America, state to state, as they either pass sweeping “abortions for all anytime,” laws or vastly restrictive limitations on when abortions can occur, to the point that the answer is basically “never.” These state laws are what have people screaming again at each other, 46 years after Roe Versus Wade was decided. And, of course, the loudest voices are the only ones being heard as Alyssa Milano calls for a sex strike and Evan Rachel Wood calls for mandatory vasectomies for men as ways to make their point that this is a woman’s issue and it’s them versus the men. Meanwhile, Louisiana, Georgia, Alabama, and soon, Mississippi, have all but outlawed abortion by creating “heartbeat,” laws, meaning the minute a beating heart can be detected (6 weeks), no abortions for you. Which means only one thing; tourism from those states to Virginia is about to skyrocket.

For the most part, for the past 30 years, abortion in general has been a 50/50 proposition for America. Meaning, with a few fits and starts in one direction or another over the years, about 50% of people say they are pro-choice, and 50% say they are pro-life. But like with everything, there are much deeper layers than a simple label, and when you look closely, you see where America wants to land, and will never be allowed to by the deranged and irrational fringes.

The Pro-Life position sees the bottom fall out of their support when you bring up cases of rape and incest. Immediately the number skyrockets to over 75% support for abortions in those cases, and more than 90% if the health of the mother is threatened. Thus, the safe, legal, and rare position has a solid foundation.

Conversely, pro-choice support plummets when the vast majority of Americans are asked about late-term abortion. In fact, the overwhelming majority of Americans agree with the statement “if the baby can viably live outside of the womb, then it should not be legal for it to be aborted.” Thus, access to safe legal and rare abortions has a solid foundation.

But, rather than passing common sense, reasonable laws to limit abortions after 22 weeks (which is when doctors currently believe most fetuses are viable) to only if it affects the health of the mother, states are instead passing laws stopping abortions at 6 weeks, or allowing them right up until birth. It’s insanity, and it’s America 2019. Extremes, lunacy, hair-on-fire opinions and policy making are the trappings of our country today and for the foreseeable future.

The sad truth is that we already have the perfect compromise that appeases both sides if common sense is demanded; it’s called Plan B.

Every woman knows if they’ve had sex within 72 hours of doing so. If that sex is the kind you don’t want to result in a baby, and you’re either unsure of or lack confidence in any sort of birth control, pop in a plan B. It doesn’t terminate a pregnancy, which is why the Pro-life crowd loves it. It simply prevents fertilization from happening. To the nuts, that means it interferes with “God’s Plans,” and that’s why they’re called nuts. Unfortunately for the kooks on the other side, it doesn’t address  variety of scenarios in which personal responsibility and/or acknowledging that there are simply some things are meant to be come into play, and that’s why they’re called kooks.

Let me tell you what God’s plan actually is; to start over. He/it/she/they/whatever you believe in, recognize what a massive failure the human race is and wants nothing to do with it. That’s why neither Jesus or that 8-armed elephant or whoever you’re waiting for is never coming back. They don’t want to claim this mess. They’re just waiting for us to exterminate ourselves one way or another so that they can start over and design the universe the way it should have been designed in the first place; with dogs as the dominant species.

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