There were two specific incidents last week that put a burr in my bunion as it relates to the state of both men and society today.
We had a Doctor Rob letter writer who was bemoaning the fact that his five male friends had all decided that it would be fun while they were in Las Vegas for their buddies’ bachelor party, to attend a Britney Spears concert together. The clown that wrote said “what are six straight guys doing together at a Britney Spears concert,” which I find offensive on multiple levels starting with the overt assertion that only gay men would go to such a show together. Would a man ever say “what are six straight dudes doing going to a Metallica concert together?” Of course not. And the answer, by the way, is that 6 straight guys at a Britney Spears concert, regardless of whether they will enjoy her music or not, are going to be like women in Alaska. Not only will the dudes outnumber the chicks by a 10-1 margin, the chicks will all be drunk and in Vegas (i.e. HORNY). Where I come from, going to a Britney Spears concert with your buddies is the most masculine thing you can do.
But remember, I also come from a world where men have confidence, a world long since past most of us. I’ve been to multiple gay bars with female friends of mine and never have I seen women swoon over the confidence of a man willing to do so. Being a man, back when we had men, involved being uncomfortable now and then for the greater good, whether it be for the woman you love, or the chance to love a woman. Or maybe just to be part of one of your best friends’ most important weekends.
But alas, instead, I, as the Cro-Magnon, middle aged, misogynist of the show, got to listen to cries of “live and let live,” blah blah blah. First of all, this jackass wrote ASKING for my opinion, so he got it. He’s a pussy at best and a homophobe at worst, period. Additionally, he was told not to judge his friends for their choices and hope that they do the same if he chooses not to go to the show. Well isn’t that nice? As one of the most accepting and least judgmental men you’ll ever meet, let me tell you this guy would be crossed off my friend list instantly if he couldn’t put his precious little feelings aside for one night when 87% of the group wanted to something completely innocent in the name of the groom-to-be having a good time. Perhaps this is why I have very few friends. The ones I pick aren’t C U Next Tuesdays.
And then came the story of a female friend of mine who recently told me of a lame ass she took home from a bar who couldn’t get it up.
For the record, our show has spent countless hours discussing on a very serious level the very legitimate reasons why men can’t perform sexually sometimes and the stigmas that go with them. This is none of them.
Rather than making excuses for this lame ass like “maybe he’s not into one night stands,” let’s instead judge the guilty party, HIM, for all of his transgressions. For starters, if it’s true that you aren’t into one stands, then you don’t go home with a girl and become limp. If you’ve never tried a one night stand, please remember that women are not guinea pigs. It’s sort of like the cardinal rule at a clothing store; if you have to ask how much something costs, then you can’t afford it. If you aren’t sure you’re up for a one night stand, then go home and make love to your hand, loser.
For the record, the woman in question is hot, and without getting into details that are none of your business, I know for a fact, very talented. The idea that any man, the first time he was with such a woman wouldn’t be able to perform is beyond appalling, at least it should be. And for those that make the argument that maybe he was intimidated by her, well what does that say about the state of men today?
Society, of course, wants to apologize for each of these examples and so many others because we have become more feminized and socially soft than ever. There are times for judgments and there used to be a thing called “man-land,” in which men held men to account. Now those of us who do so are monsters. Judge me all you want, these two guys are still total losers.