The New Definition Of Pride

The New Definition Of Pride

I’m no Bill Maher fan, but I believe he’s the one who coined the “new rules” bit. For all I know it was Dennis Miller, another formerly funny comedian who decided to become a whack job for one or the other side of the political spectrum and lose all of his humor.

With due deference to Maher (or whomever), I present you the new rule of American culture 2016 which should surprise absolutely no one: You can only be proud of yourself and/or your accomplishments if you’ve also been oppressed, discriminated against, or harassed. Sorry to those of you who simply kept your head down, worked hard, played by the rules, and didn’t have to deal with whatever life dealt you that others would define as “hardship,” no matter what you went through it wasn’t good enough so don’t you dare go being proud of yourself.

In a world where we have all but eliminated Valedictorians from high schools because they make the other students feel bad, and where every child gets equal playing time on their sports teams no matter how bad they are, it should come as no shock that we are expanding the boundaries of who should just shut the hell up.’

A few weeks ago was gay pride week. Fine, good, great, wonderful. Having grown up 35 miles from San Francisco, I was exposed to the gay lifestyle decades before most of America was and I was taught to accept it under the guise of “are they bothering or harming you? No…let them be.” That always worked for me and I quickly became accustomed to seeing men and women hold hands, kiss and the like on the streets of SFO. My father, in particular, raised me as a live and let live sort of guy so this was not a tall hurdle for me to leap.

I was also taught, however, to demand fairness, even in an unjust world. That means the rules apply to all. So when a hashtag started trending celebrating heterosexual pride day recently, I didn’t give it a second thought. I didn’t even bother to care what the motivation was…was it some gay-hating bigot who started it? Or was it just someone proud of their sexuality, in this case, heterosexuality? Who cares? Good for them, I thought…they’re proud of who they are and who they love, just like gay people. Go for it.

But then I woke up and realized that I live in what is quickly becoming the world’s stupidest country. It is amazing how we’ve taken the greatest idea for a system of governance and turned it into an absolute dumpster fire thanks to our own arrogance and apathy. Once again, those who demand tolerance become the most intolerant.

 LZ Granderson, an openly gay man and one of the most moronic voices on television involving all things sports, news and otherwise, posted this asinine sentiment in response to heterosexual pride day:
            Gay Pride was not born out of a need to celebrate being gay, but instead our right to exist without prosecution (I think he meant persecution…I told you he was a moron)…so maybe instead of wondering why there isn’t a straight pride movement, straight people should be thankful they don’t need one.

Ah, yes…that old yarn. The reason we can have Black entertainment television and not White entertainment television is because whites owned slaves 200 years ago in this country. Wrap your brain around that logic and you’ll turn into an intellectual pretzel covered in cheese sauce.

Quite frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass why Gay Pride day, month, whatever was started. I’m glad it’s here. I’ve marched in a few events over the years. And guess what? I’m proud as hell to be a heterosexual and feel no need to NOT celebrate it. I’m also proud to be a 1%-er who earned everything he has…I’m proud to be white, which has nothing to do with my opinions of other cultures or peoples of other colors (ask my black girlfriend if you must). I’m proud to be an American and will never apologize for this nation (other than its’ idiotic citizenry) and I’m proud to own German Shepherds, the greatest dogs ever bred. Does that last one make me a Nazi? Am I anti-Semitic now too?

Do we need heterosexual pride day? No, but we also don’t need brown sugar cured bacon sandwiches at Arby’s, yet we have them.

Being proud needn’t come with the stipulation that someone told you along the way that you were wrong for what you felt, believed or tried.

Actually, come to think of it, that defines literally every one of us at some point. As a white boy in suburbia, I don’t claim that I grew up with the same challenges as a gay African American. But guess what? When I announced to the world at age 14 that I was going to be a radio DJ and make more money than everyone else in the neighborhood, I was not exactly cheered or supported by pretty much anyone other than my parents. So, yeah, I was oppressed too I suppose. Where is radio talk show pride day?

Is anyone seeing how asinine this nation is getting? Good Lord people, we have real problems and challenges and men loving women is not one of them. Nor is men loving men. Is there any chance in hell we can actually get back to reality and caring about what is truly important?

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