Last week was Spring break and we were off…I spent the weekend in Dallas with my girlfriend Christina, but I still paid attention to the goings-on of the world and I know you’re just dying to know what I think of some of them:
NEVER SAY HITLER…STILL: White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer (aka Melissa McCarthy) remains ratings gold for daytime TV because he is so damn entertaining for all involved. If you’re a Trump supporter, you watch and cheer him on and believe that he’s giving it to the press. If you’re a trump hater, you watch and wonder what the hell he’s talking about. When asked about Syria President Bashar Assad, Spicer, speaking of Assad’s use of chemical weapons on his own people said “You had — someone as despicable as Hitler who didn’t even sink to the — to using chemical weapons.” While chemical weapons weren’t widely used on the battlefield in the European theatre in World War II, Spicer’s comments immediately raised eyebrows because of the Nazi’s extensive and well-documented use of poison gas during the Holocaust. Six million Jews were slaughtered in the Holocaust, many in Nazi gas chambers. He apologized profusely the next day, as he should have, and hopefully he remembers that Hitler is a word that should never be used as a defense for anything, ever.
SAY IT ALOUD AND IT MUST BE TRUE: An odd confluence of events led me to be reminded that we live in a world devoid of truth and facts. Y’know, Fake News. I spent last week in Dallas, where my girlfriend Christina lives. We went out quite a bit, I watched a lot of local news, listened to local radio and read a lot of local stories as well while she was working. By mid-week I had actually grown tired of all of the hate of former Dallas Cowboys Quarterback, Tony Romo, who retired recently amid the fact he was going to be released. The basic message from all corners local was “good riddance, you never won us anything, and you were the most overrated Quarterback in Cowboy history.” On Tuesday afternoon, I turned on ESPN and watched “Pardon the Interruption,” only to hear the two hosts, Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon, gush over how beloved Tony Romo is in Texas, most notably, North Texas (where I was sitting) and how much the fans revere him. It was surreal to listen to them slurp him after being drowned in locals, both media and private citizens at bars and restaurants, berate him left and right with no pushback. Yet there sat the literal voices of ESPN (PTI is by far their highest rated show) proclaiming to the country a total lie to be the truth. One of them, sitting in Phoenix, the other in Washington D.C., speaking as though they have the pulse of the community because they personally love Tony Romo. It was as appalling as pretty much everything else that’s reported these days.
AH, THE FRIENDLY SKIES: United Airlines gave us all a front row seat on how to mishandle a situation at every single turn, including the aftermath, and they were rewarded with losing more than $600 million in market value as the stock market abandoned them when their (I would guess soon to be former) CEO bungled the 48 hours following the violent removal of a passenger from a plane. The crème de la crème of the story was the CEO initially praising his crew while pointing out that airlines have all of the rights and powers when it comes to oversold flights (which is basically true), only to have to walk it all back a day later when it was revealed that the flight wasn’t even oversold. Delicious.
WE’LL SAY ANYTHING TO JUSTIFY OUR OWN STUPIDITY: A report emerged last week that demanded “New York City’s ban on trans fats appears to be working out just as the former mayor had hoped, with research suggesting that people are healthier in places that forbid the heart-clogging oils. Hospitals in New York counties with trans-fat bans saw a 6 percent drop in heart attacks and strokes three years after the laws went into effect, as compared with areas without restrictions, according to a new report in JAMA Cardiology.” This is what we call “Junk science.” That quote is the entire essence of the study and is so bogus in its assertion it should have been laughed into the garbage bin. Instead, behavior controlists across the fruited plains hailed it as an “I told you so,” moment, which it is not. The alleged study does nothing to attempt to take into account whether or not over the same time period exercise has increased, smoking has decreased, or population changes which would account for the miniscule drop in heart attacks. It’s beyond absurd. It also misses the larger point which is the overarching concern for many of us; even if it could ever be proven it was better for us, why in the hell dos the government have a role in our own personal health choices? Sadly, too many of you have answers for that which is scary beyond words.
WE ARE SO COMPLETELY STUPID: That bitch April, the giraffe, finally gave birth in Saturday putting millions of Americans at ease who had been following her on Facebook. And yes, I watched, along with my girlfriend because we’re morons. While those of us who are animals lovers enjoyed the mere beauty of nature at work, the real entertainment was watching the endless array of stupidity in the form of Facebook comments that came in as the birth, which took about an hour, took place. It’s amazing how everyone was suddenly as expert on Giraffe births. While most people wrote idiotic, though innocent things like “Yay April,” and “I’m pushing for you,” (she can’t hear you morons…she can’t read either) my favorites were as follows:
“Too bad this isn’t taking place in the Serengeti as opposed to a cage”
“All of the liberals watching right now want her to abort it”
“She is so brave to give birth standing up” (all giraffes do, idiot)
“why aren’t the vets helping her?” (really? Who helps in the wild, dumbass)?
“I hope it’s still born”
“Why am I watching this with 1 million other people? What has happened to us as a nation?”
That last comment may have been posted by me. God we’re dumb. Good to be back…