Doomsday Clock My Ass

Doomsday Clock My Ass

Well at least for once we get to bitch about something this week that isn’t a “sign of the times.” By that, I mean that this week’s stupidity which we’re highlighting is far from new, as is the asinine hysteria associated with it.

One of the many great things about aging (yes there are more than a few positives if you approach it correctly) is the perspective of experience, and the ability to wave your hand like a crotchety old man and utter something like “eehhhhhh…been there, done that, move on!”.

Thus, the Doomsday Clock, a symbol that was created at the beginning of the Cold War in 1947 to represent the threat of nuclear weapons, something it immediately got wrong, (since they have never been used), despite multiple times of the clock approaching midnight. This is so childish I can’t even believe that I am writing about it, let alone that actual alleged scientists are in charge of this “thing,” which isn’t even a God Damned thing! It’s hypothetical, metaphorical, asinine, stupid, and any other synonym you can think of that screams “Hi, we’re America and we like to wring our hands about stupid shit.”

Seriously, isn’t it about time we go back to my childhood and start scaring the living hell out of children by telling them to hide under their desks in case North Korea fires a nuclear weapon at us? No really…that happened in the 1980’s; to protect ourselves from nuclear war with the Soviet Union (which was never close to happening in actual reality) we were told as kids to get under a desk as though we wouldn’t be vaporized by a nuke. Jesus jumped up Christ it’s so scary to think about how dumb we were 40 years ago only to realize we’ve gotten more dumber as a society. And yes, Einstein, I meant to write more dumber for effect, please don’t ruin the sentiment.

Since its inception (#Decaprio) the clock has become more and more political and even dumber than its original concept which is truly hard to imagine. It’s as though someone created poo and then said “Hey, how do we make this less appealing?”

The idea is simple, as are the 15 “scientists,” who move the non-existent hands on the non-existent clock; how close is the world to ending? I’m sorry, but could we be more infantile? Good gravy, grow up and go do actual science….y’know, observation, question, hypothesis, method, experiment, blah, blah, blah.

To be clear; there is no fucking clock. This is made -up first world problem shit that should be ignored and made fun of as opposed to being given the level of credence it got 40 years ago and still gets today; the only difference today is that with social media, every snowflake on Earth can forward the headline of a story they literally haven’t read and wouldn’t understand if they did, along with a note that says something like “OMG we’re so going to die. I’m totes going to YOLO so that when the world ends I don’t have FOMO. Out.”. Kill me

So the wizards of smart have decided that we’re as close to Armageddon as we were during the JFK years of America versus the Soviets…y’know, when nothing ultimately happened. Oh, and as close as we were when Reagan was staring down those same Soviets and nothing ultimately happened.  Since this is the age of Stupid, the doomsday clock takes into account completely made up shit like “climate change,” something that has been happening since the Earth began spinning, and adds into their “Dungeons and Dragons” formula to scare the shit out of the truly ignorant (most Americans) and move their little imaginary clock.

Been there, done that. Remember, I’m old…I’ve seen this play and I still know when Hamlet gets shot…NEVER!

The Doomsday clock, in a nutshell, is yet another reason why the world hates us. Only in America and other first world nations with everything any human could want, do we have the time and energy to, in mass, wring our hands and worry about something totally made-up. It reminds me of one of my favorite one minute bits of stand-up comedian George Carlin in which he describes the world not taking us seriously because we celebrate Mickey Mouse’s birthday:

The Doomsday clock is far less important thank Mickey Mouse’s birthday…it’s beyond pathetic…as pathetic as those of you who actually take it seriously.

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