A Dancing Bear, Monkeypox and a Child Felon

I’ve got something a little different for you this week; while prepping the upcoming week’s shows, a few stories caught my eye that I felt deserved a deeper “Rob-only” dive than the RAD show allows. So, without further ado:


I’m all for defending cultures different than ours. Anytime some American gets on their high horse about how wrong other countries are for things like bullfighting, eating horse, and spending a week every summer running away from Bulls in Pamplona, I point out that those are cultural norms of historic proportion which have been around in the various countries that engage in them longer than the United States has been a country. Not to mention, we hardly have all of our problems and issues locked down here in America, and maybe we should focus on fixing ourselves first.


Don’t get me wrong, speaking out about the fact that every year 25 million dogs are killed for food consumption is valiant, but it’s also a matter of perspective. While we view those 11 countries that account for 99% of those canine meals as reprehensible, the rest of the world views us equally as disgusting. The United States was recently ranked as the second-worst nation in the world for animal cruelty for our reliance on factory farms and treatment of our livestock. Why are they wrong and we’re right? If your answer is “because we’re America,” then you are the worst type of American who truly knows nothing about the country you profess to love.



Acknowledging and respecting other cultures and their different ways does not mean, however, that we cannot revel in delight whenever some dumb human comes up on the short-end of the stick while engaging in questionable behavior with an animal. I get a little giddy every year when I see some dope’s kidney wind up on the end of a steer’s horn in Spain, or whenever a big game hunter from some Anglo country travels to Africa only to be trampled to death by elephants. These things warm the cockles of my heart.


And so, it was with disgusted glee I read the story out of Russia, where they not only still embrace the circus, they also rely heavily on animal acts to entertain their soulless children. Most notably, they take giant brown bears, dress them up in hats and scarves, and then make them dance. How quaint. Over the weekend, imagine this, one attacked its’ human dance partner…not once, not twice, but three times, as hundreds of children watched. Sadly, the female trainer who was attacked not only lived, but wasn’t seriously wounded, and I’m sure the bear was later executed and probably eaten by President Putin, but here’s hoping for a better outcome next time. At least countless children were shown the possible results of screwing with a bear, while simultaneously being hopefully scarred for life.



Meanwhile, back in America, A Texas resident who recently traveled from Africa has been hospitalized after catching monkeypox, which originates from the same family of viruses as smallpox. It’s a rare disease that causes flu-like illness and swelling of the lymph nodes, progressing to a widespread rash on the face and body. While this is the first known case of monkeypox in America since 2003, experts do believe that human-to-human transmission of monkeypox occurs primarily through large respiratory droplets. Well…we have seen this movie before, haven’t we? After all, we’re told that we reacted too slowly to the Coronavirus (even though no nation on Earth actually controlled the virus in any meaningfully measurable way…but I digress), so I suggest we get proactive. Let’s lockdown the state of Texas for the foreseeable future, close its’ borders, make all non-essential workers stay home, ban all forms of fun, and for the few people that will be allowed to leave their homes, of course, masks will be mandatory. That should stop a monkeypox outbreak.



Just a few states away, in Mississippi, Six-year-old Mylah Santa Maria has become a viral superstar for her oh-so-sweet gesture of calling first responders from Collins, Mississippi using 911 to tell them she loved and supported them. Isn’t that precious?



Six-year-old Mylah Santa Maria called 911 to deliver an urgent message.


“I need y’all to tell the sheriff … that I love him and I love y’all,” Mylah, told the dispatcher.


“I will make sure that I get that to him, OK?” the dispatcher answered, according to a transcript of the call placed earlier this week.


But wait, there’s more… Covington County Sheriff Darrell Perkins got the message and decided a special thank-you was in order. He surprised Mylah and her family at their home, giving them school supplies and a special Sheriff’s Department coin (which, for the record has no monetary value).


What the sheriff should have done was teach the little felon-in-training a lesson. Apparently the “scared straight program,” has been abandoned entirely in this pussified nation of ours, for here was a missed opportunity. It doesn’t matter that the child’s intentions were pure and innocent; if a teenager were to fire a gun in the air to celebrate graduating high school, and the bullet were to come down and kill a small child, you can bet that kid would be held accountable, as he should be, despite the fact that his intentions were pure and innocent. Thanks to this do-nothing sheriff, look for the story of Mylah committing countless felonious crimes in her juvenile career.


A false 911 emergency call is a misdemeanor at least, and a felony in some circumstances. The sheriff should have handcuffed the girl, placed her in the back of his cruiser and taken her to the nearest women’s prison so that she could see what her future looks like if she doesn’t shape up. Have her chat with a few bearded ladies doing hard time and get a glimpse of what her prank-calling ways will lead to if she doesn’t make some hard turns towards leading a more pure existence. You think she loves law enforcement now, just wait until the sheriff brings her back home and gives her a second chance at life after that trip.


Finally, as many of you know, one of the things I enjoy more than I should is pointing out how little we know, and how so many amongst us adjust our entire lives over proclamations from studies, health experts, and science. No doubt the last year has been a showcase for how inexact science is and how it’s constantly changing and evolving, and yet, countless imbeciles alter their entire way of life because the health media told them to. Eggs are good, eggs are bad, coffee is bad, coffee is good, eat more carbs, eat no carbs, take an aspirin a day to ward off heart attacks, oh wait, that actually makes you more prone to a heart attack…and on and on the examples go.


Thus, I laugh whenever something we’ve been told to do for our well-being for decades is suddenly deemed harmful, knowing that many people will dismiss the new findings, based solely on having to believe what they’ve been doing is the right thing. Others will immediately change their lives thanks to this new found information, and in the end, we’ll all continue to know basically nothing.


It’s important, we’ve been told, prior to exercising in any way, whether it be running, weight-lifting, golfing, or even bowling, to warm-up our muscles by stretching them. Ooops. Experts now warn that stretching prior to activity will actually lead to injuries, for stretching a cold muscle can tear it. We’re better off merely moving our joints around, getting blood flowing throughout the body through movement, and then stretching at the end of our workouts. So there you go…everything you’ve been doing was wrong and now you know exactly what you should be doing until next week when they tell you something entirely different. If you actually pay attention to this crap and modify any aspect of your life as a result, you deserve to pull a muscle, while choking on an egg, being burned by coffee, and your throat slit by the shards of a broken aspirin bottle.

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