Dog Parents Are Better

I’ve noticed that almost any time someone is making a point about raising dogs they always preface it with some sort of disclaimer making sure to not offend parents of human children. Something like “I’m not comparing raising dogs to raising children…”

Well, guess what? I am…and I’m here to tell you that dog parents are better.

Now, the beauty of that is that it absolutely enrages some people. In my experience, those who have raised both children and dogs actually agree that raising dogs is more difficult if you’re doing it right…and therein lies the secret; the only people I know that get truly worked up over this supposition are either horrible dog owners, horrible parents, or both.

Parents of humans actually have it easy, especially in the 21st century! For starters, unlike dog parents, human parents have no reason to believe that their children will die before them. While tragic when it happens, thank god it’s rare. It’s not only not rare for dog parents, it’s part of the deal. We literally agree to raise, train, nurture, bond with, and love a living thing that we know is going to die, most likely in our arms, 10-20 years after our initial commitment. Human parents don’t even kick their kids out of the house when they reach the age of 18 anymore so what’s the big challenge there?

Plus, have you not noticed that most human beings are trash? Well, who’s raising them to become said refuse? Their parents, obviously. Meanwhile, you’d be hard-pressed to find a dog that isn’t happy-go-lucky, you’re welcome very much.

Parents of humans are nothing more than traumatizers, whether they like to admit it or not. Every parent traumatizes their child. Often it’s unintentional, but it’s still very real. There would literally be no psychotherapy industry if it weren’t for parents…meanwhile, not many dogs are plopping themselves on a couch for reasons other than snuggling.

A good dog owner builds a trust and a bond with an entirely different species… a species that, to be truthful, has no reason to believe we have their best interest at heart. If you do it right, you get a loyal, loving, faithful companion who would quite literally die for you…how many kids can you say that about?

A good dog owner spends countless hours feeding, walking, running, and caring for their pet. A human parent stops most of that when the kid hits double digits. By then, the little rat knows how to boil water for his mac n cheese and has friends to tire him out when he doesn’t have his face buried in a screen. Big whoop, what’s the challenge there?

And please, for the love of God, don’t give me this crap about propagating the human race…there are 7 billion of us and we don’t need more…most are horrible and you aren’t doing the world any favors by bringing your demon spawn into the mix. Dog come and go, and leave almost no footprint other than endless joy…your kid is a mutant, albatross, and drain on society.

Which brings us back to the beginning. Dog parents know that their pup is going to die before their eyes. It’s the hardest part about owning pets and the most selfless. If you do it correctly, you make a commitment to give everything you have to an animal that you know will bring you endless joy, only to break your heart. Every single time the damn dog dies on you…no matter how much you love them, how well you train and treat them, how many vet trips you make…they’ll always leave you bawling and wondering and wishing.

Human kids don’t do that…they turn into rotten teenagers and shittier adults, and it’s all your fault that they suck. I’ll put my German Shepherd and Labrador up against your crappy kid any day of the week and you know what? When that day is over my dogs will run to me, lick and love me, and happily follow me home to cuddle me all night long. Will your kids do any of that? NO they won’t…because they suck and so do you. Deal with it.

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