At a charity golf tournament, I would only allow myself to snack on some popcorn. The person next to me was passing me a cheese puff and I’m like I can’t eat that I’m on a diet. I remember thinking “great they are taking my photo next to this girl who has way better arms than I do, what was I thinking wearing a short sleeve shirt, my arms are too fat for this shirt.” Now when I look at this photo, my arms are awesome and I am nowhere near fat.

Fat? Not AT ALL! – Part 1

Earlier this week we started discussing body image. We had a listener who wrote in who is very unhappy with her body and she is bulimic. As long time listeners know, I too was bulimic. While I haven’t purged in years, I am still on the journey to have a healthy relationship with food. One of the first things my therapist and I worked on was me learning to love and accept the body I have right now. Since I had already been on the LONG journey to love the person I am and to have self acceptance, I needed to connect those things with how I also looked at my body.

When you have poor body image issues the body you see in the mirror does not reflect the body actually there. The following photos demonstrate this, I truly thought I was a fat cow in each and every one of these photos and was not comfortable in my body at all. A lot of the listeners also thought I was fat in each and every one of these photos, that was only validation for me cause I felt the same way.

Eating disorders and the way they mess with our minds, our bodies and our souls is no joke. It consumes our thoughts daily, shit every minute of every day. It feels like a prison we can’t escape. We want to but it’s become a part of us, of who we are, it’s become normal. We know deep down inside of us we should cut this eating disorder loose, but it becomes more scary not to have it then to let it rob us of our life. I remember all those feelings. Shit I still have them now at times.

Even though I still have a ways to go in learning how to have a healthy balanced relationship with food. I am here to tell you, that it is possible to love the body you have right now. That your body does not define you. Your body isn’t your character and the amazing person you are. That you can actually look at the world and laugh at how ridiculous the world is when it comes to its expectations of how a woman should look. One of THE MOST freeing things for me in this journey has been that I truly give 2 shits how someone else sees my body, that’s their problem, I no longer make it mine!

The other MOST freeing thing is actually feeling comfortable with my body size for the FIRST time in my life. Yet I’m bigger than I’ve ever been. For me personally it’s been a life changer. I finally understand what my therapist means when she says, “it’s time for you to start reconnecting with your body and it will tell you how much food you need, it instinctively already knows.” From what I have learned THE LAST THING someone who has had an eating disorder needs is another diet. You may have such a severe eating disorder that your body needs certain vitamins or minerals and food. The diet industry is not our friend.

It’s time to make peace with yourself, mind body and soul. Here are a few book suggestions to help you on your journey. I hope one or more speak to you.

Intuitive Eating

Body Kindness: Transform Your Health from the Inside Out–and Never Say Diet Again

Health At Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight

Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too

Here is the website to National Eating Disorders Association, you may also find this helpful

I wish you love, peace and patience as you go down your journey of freeing yourself from disordered eating. xoxo

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