We have the most fun jobs ever!
It’s fun to hang out with people you enjoy and talk about issues of the day and get paid for it. It’s fun to make people laugh, give away things and events that excite people, and occasionally, change lives.
It’s fun to never truly know what’s going to happen next on any given day’s show, during any hour, any segment, or even the next sentence. It’s fun hearing from listeners, new and old, smart and dumb, well-spoken and borderline illiterate. Part of the artistry of what we do is making lemonade out of whatever quality lemons we are given at any time (often they are moldy, stinky and crumbling in our very hands, yet invariably we find a way to pour a cool, tall glass of Country Time…Google it).
Few things are as fun as an email we received this past Tuesday from a “listener” named Eric. In one fell swoop, it includes and encompasses a smorgasbord of deliciously fun nuggets, to wit:
- While accusing me, (presumably it is directed at me, given the way it’s written) of being, amongst other things, “stupid,” it is riddled with embarrassingly bad grammar, misspellings, unintelligible sentences, moronic inaccuracies, and a total incomprehension of reality. Few things excite me more than being attacked or insulted by someone who is incapable of basic communication on a third-grade level.
- To the average reader (I have thick skin and am used to letters like this) it is wildly offensive, including but not limited to, homophobia, an attack on those with Down’s Syndrome, and a wish of death upon Dawn (“don” according to him), Brandon and me.
- It lacks entirely a connection to facts as he wildly claims provably untrue things to make himself feel better about his reality. (“only old people and losers actually prefer fm radio over streaming music,” is a statement that has been refuted over and over again in the last 10 years. In fact, 91% of all Americans, aged 12 and over, cite FM radio as their number one source for both music and information over all other forms of media…and yes, I realize facts are meaningless to this jack-wagon so I’ll stop now before citing the other dozen studies of the last decade proving the continuing strength and power of radio).
- It accuses me of being a “left wing d-bag,” something that will surprise my fellow climate change deniers and 2nd Amendment enthusiasts, along with those who attend my weekly pro-Capitalist, pro-law enforcement, pro-strong military, pro-low taxes, pro-less government regulation, pro strong borders support group (and yes, we’re working on a better name for our get-togethers). It is, however, a nice counterweight to those who write in on a regular basis accusing me of being a right-wing-nationalist fascist, which we get plenty of weekly. Those letters often shock my fellow proponents of legalized drugs and LGTBQ rights, along with those who attend my weekly anti-death penalty, pro stem-cell research, legalized euthanasia, anti-organized religion, support group (and yes, we’re working on a batter name for those get-togethers as well).
- But the absolute best part is how our mere existence, let along all of his attempts at pointing out specifics as documented above, gets to him. Imagine the vitriolic hate this clown has inside of him to take the time to compose such a wretched email, actually send it, and then “dare” it to be read…and to what end? Reading his email will improve his life how, exactly? Don’t answer that we know his life is beyond redeemable at this point.
The mere fact that just hearing our voices, or Dawn’s laugh, or the fact that we still exist, causes him such internal convulsions brings me such joy it is indescribable. As my high school journalism teacher repeated over and over again; your job is to get a reaction. Period. If people are shrugging at what you say and write, they’re not at all moved by you. I’d say we’ve moved Eric quite a bit.
And so, his wish is my command. He wanted his letter read on the air, and I have gone him one better. Below it is reprinted in its entirety, changed or altered in absolutely no way whatsoever. To protect his identity, we have removed his last name and email address and made no other adjustments to anything he sent.
And yes, we literally get letters like this on a regular basis; but few are as entertaining as this one. I hope it brings you the same level of joy it brings me each time I read it:
From: Eric (Remaining info removed to protect this moron’s privacy)
Sent: Tuesday, February 25, 2020 5:19:16 AM
To: RAD Radio <[email protected]>
Subject: You suck!!!!!
I’m so tired of being at work and listening to decent music then they stop go to commercial break but b4 the commercials they do a promo for your lame ass show!!! I’m tired of you talking bout ur ratings and how everyone is dumber than you!! It’s easy to feel smart when you have a mentality retarded person in the same room (DON) all she does is laugh and say the most idiotic shit I have ever heard!! You know soon as I hear ur stupid asses start talking I switch the channel or go to the AM band and listen to real talk radio!!! And for the love of god realize ur place in life u 3 are disk jockeys not Dr Phil (even tho he is a bigger fraud than you) I seriously want to run my truck into oncoming traffic when you morons are even just doing a commercial for the diamond vault!! Here’s a good radio show all 3 of you killing your self’s on air I’m sure ur ratings would sky rocket!! Btw only old people and losers actually prefer fm radio over streaming music! And whoever streams ur shows must be mentally handicapped! I only listen to fm at work because it’s easy to lose phones @ my job but it’s almost worth it risk a phone than listen 2 you 3 morons!!
And I’m sure the only way you got to where are is by starting off as dick jockeys so yy may have more money but I’ve never had a dick in my mouth and don’t suck at my job like you 3 I bet if you lost that show all ur (friends) would be gone as well you fake pieces of shit! And I hope to god to read this on air but you won’t cuz ur a fucking left wing d-bag and can’t handle the truth so fuck all 3 of you and eat shit!!
Sent from my iPhone
