Reasons Why Dawn Is The Least Fun Person Ever…

Last Updated Monday, September 2nd, 2015 6:15am

1. Dawn likes to exercise while she’s on vacation.
2. Dawn makes her own blue cheese dressing
3. Dawn wants to pay to go on a vacation to a 3rd world country and work twelve hours per day helping people
4. Dawn eats soy, wheat waffles, and veggie ham
5. Dawn likes playing uno on weekend nights
6. Dawn enjoys watching C-SPAN
7. Dawn likes to do marathons
8. Dawn gives away used purses
9. Dawn thinks strip clubs are bad
10. Dawn thinks old people are cute and actually wants to talk to them.
11. Dawn likes to hike
12. Dawn she prays… and has a prayer list
13. Dawn likes to read
14. Dawn knows the name of the Olsen twins publicist
15. Dawn shops at natural food stores
16. Dawn applauds at other people’s pregnancies
17. Dawn tips everyone… EVERYONE… for everything!
18. Dawn mini-containers used to size out portions of condiments
19. Dawn weighs her food
20. Dawn thinks cream cheese and salsa is a party food.
21. Dawn wants to be able to someday send money secretly to needy strangers.
22. Dawn subscribes to food magazines… and reads them in her spare time.
23. She actually thinks this is a list of fun things
24. Dawn drinks filtered water
25. Dawn puts her toothbrush in a sealed container because she’s afraid her cats will lick it
26. Dawn talks to produce people at the grocery store
27. Dawn parks as far away from store entrances as possible in order to get more exercise.
28. Dawn calls the cops to report road hazards.
29. Dawn watches “The Tony Danza Show”
30. Dawn knows the names of characters on the “Live with Regis and Kelly” show who aren’t Regis and Kelly.
31. Dawn buys products if she hears that any part of the proceeds go to charity… even if she doesn’t like the product.
32. Dawn has a book that has calorie listings for every food known to man… and she READS IT!!! EVERY DAY!! Then she actually writes down all of her food and calories into a “Food Log”…. every day… EVERY SINGLE DAY!!
33. Dawn goes to a steakhouse… and doesn’t order steak.
34. Dawn spells out the word fun… “F-U-N” when she describes herself.
35. Dawn defends handicapped people
36. Dawn carries a copy of the “BMI” (Body Mass Index) with her at all times.
37. Dawn actually says “Gobble Gobble”… OUT LOUD, whenever she hears the word “Thanksgiving”.
38. Dawn tips service workers… with CD’s.
39. Dawn uses the word “bad ass” in everyday speech.
40. Dawn says that if she could, she’d sit next to “Jesus” on an airplane.
41. Dawn compares and contrasts local city dumps.
42. Dawn watches the TV show “Navy CSI.”
43. Dawn counts her starch servings.
44. Dawn is asking for a vacuum cleaner for Christmas this year.
45. Dawn stops what she’s doing to say prayers… in public… for people who lose their keys.
46. Dawn enjoys, appreciates and wears homemade clothing.
47. Dawn watches adult movies not for the sex, but to appreciate people’s bodies.
48. Dawn smells, but does not eat chocolate cake.
49. Dawn eats an apple before going to dinner parties so she won’t have to eat as much good tasting food while she’s there
50. Dawn cries for the unhealthy things she has done to her “poor body.”
51. Dawn brags about having a “Nana.”
52. Dawn knows that the name of that Dick Van Dyke show (that only old people watch) is “Diagnosis Murder.”
53. Dawn actually says the words “knock knock” out loud when entering somebody’s house… even if the door is wide open.
54. Dawn thinks the country music duo “Brooks & Dunn” songs are awesome.
55. Dawn gets a “high” off eating healthy during the holidays.
56. Dawn uses the phrase … “what can I say, I’m a ‘curios cat'”… in casual conversation. And no by the way, we don’t know what the hell that means either.
57. Dawn cheers… out loud… when she sees strangers exercising.
58. Dawn describes herself as being… “a hoot.”
59. Dawn is “excited” about eating one whole entire slice of red velvet cake.
60. Dawn enthusiastically advocates making your own tortilla chips at home… from scratch… instead of buying them at the store like a normal person.
61. For her birthday, Dawn asked for… and got… a personal trainer as her birthday present.
62. Dawn “worries” about celebrities getting audited by the IRS.
63. Dawn enjoys counting the ribs on skinny women she sees in Playboy magazine.
64. Dawn knows exactly which of Paul Newman’s salad dressings are the good ones.
65. Dawn thinks that “everybody”… yes EVERYBODY knows that you should drink exactly 64 oz. of water per day to be healthy.
66. Dawn refers to people who don’t get their advice letters answered by “Heloise” as… “those poor people.”
67. Dawn only eats frozen vegetables “in a bind” (otherwise they have to be fresh).
68. Dawn reorganizes grocery store freezers to make it easier for people to reach stuff.
69. Dawn worries about people’s cell phones minutes/
70. Dawn thinks it’s “neat” to be featured in small town newspapers for growing gigantic produce.
71. Dawn knows exactly how long it’s been since she’s eaten cheese.
72. Dawn searches the fine print of ALL grocery store products for “Splenda” disclaimers. (**Splenda is a sugar substitute in case you eat like a normal person and have never heard of it before).
73. Dawn makes truck drivers honk their horns live on the air when they call into the Rob, Arnie & Dawn show.
74. When referring to these truckers, Dawn says… out loud… “HOOOONK HOOOONK” and mimics the “arm pulling” motion like she’s honking a horn.
75. Oh yeah, and when truckers call in and honk their horns live on the air, Dawn distinguishes between the “good honks” and the “bad honks.”
76. Dawn takes the cheese off pizza before she eats it.
77. Dawn refers to police officers as “coppers.”
78. Dawn cheers for local people in news stories just because they are local.
79. Dawn prays for verbally abusive people at amusement parks to be less abusive.
80. Dawn uses the word “wowzers” on a regular basis.
81. Dawn knows the slogan for cyclist Lance Armstrong’s charity group.
82. Dawn actually IS interested in other people’s baby photos.
83. Dawn is an internet member of “Regis and Kelly” dot com.
84. Dawn participates in online voting for cute babies on “Regis and Kelly” dot com.
85. Dawn gets cardiovascular tests done on her.
86. Dawn “airwalks” in the studio (swinging her arms in the studio and “pretending” like she’s power walking).
87. Dawn refers to chocolate as… “that gunk.”
88. Dawn measures her chocolate intake not by the number of bars she’s eaten, but by the little chocolate squares.
89. Dawn cheers other people’s pets for exercising and eating healthy.
90. Dawn shouts out “she’s soooo cuuuuute” whenever somebody mentions elderly actress Betty White.
91. Dawn thinks the Jenny McCarthy book about being pregnant is funny… and she knows the exact title of the book.
92. Dawn taped the Academy Awards.
93. Dawn evaluates video games for their cultural sensitivity.
94. Dawn thinks Willard Scott is cool.
95. Dawn knows that the length of that toe next to your big toe determines your I.Q. .
96. Dawn thinks that eating white bread is just like eating a doughnut.
97. Dawn knows that if you can see the grain in bread, it’s healthier for you.
98. Dawn watches exercise infomercials on Saturday morning and knows all the “C-list” stars in each one.
99. Dawn’s greatest dream is to attend a taping of the Oprah Winfrey show.

100. Every single time the issue of “pornography” comes up, either on the show or at random moments in public, Dawn announces to the world that all of the girls who do porn were raped and molested.
101. Dawn’s gasps in sheer joy (“uuuhhhhhh”) when she hears that “Kayak Season” has started.
102. Dawn watches movies just to see scenery of cities she’s lived in.
103. Dawn TiVo’s the show “Reba.”
104. Dawn uses the phrase “A-Okay.”
105. Dawn won’t put syrup on either waffles or pancakes (she eats it bone dry or with berries on top. Furthermore the things that Dawn refers to as waffles aren’t waffles ’cause they’re made from wheat).
106. Dawn says that organically grown fruit is … “the bomb.”
107. Dawn says that biting into wheat toast is … “like heaven.”
108. Dawn knows that pumpkin seeds are one of the 20 “Power Foods.”
109. Dawn has read the entire “Book of ‘Power Foods'” cover to cover.
110. Dawn cheers every study that validates her need to talk in “baby talk.”
111. Dawn knows that Vanessa Williams and Jessica Simpson both do infomercials for “Proactive.” (Update 3/24/05: Dawn also knows that Alicia Keys just started doing ’em too.)
112. Dawn reads cereal boxes… and thinks that everybody else does too.
113. Dawn gets turned on watching her husband fish.
114. Dawn sends people “high fives” over email.
115. Dawn loves the show “Mamma’s Family.
116. Dawn puts band aids on lip cuts.
117. Dawn feels guilty about throwing food away.
118. On here next “cheat day” where Dawn abandons her diet to eat just for the fun of eating… Dawn has vowed to eat one serving… exactly one serving of “Cracklin’ Oat Bran” as a treat.
119. Dawn is planning on TiVo-ing the Popes funeral.
120. Dawn watches every “mini-series based on a true story” and then talks smack when the evidence comes to light that backs up what she saw on TV.
121. Dawn refuses to let grocery store employees carry her groceries out to her car because she likes the exercise. Dawn actually tells this to grocery store employees when they offer help.
122. Dawn loves hydrangeas.
123. Dawn likes chi tea with vanilla soy milk.
124. Dawn thinks the 80’s TV series “Designing Women” and the movie “Mannequin” are “great things.”
125. Dawn enjoys watching voice over shows done by foreigners meant for broadcast in foreign countries.
126. Dawn thinks Erica Estrada was hot when he was on the TV show “CHIP’s.”
127. Dawn offers to lend people her “Lee Ann Womack CD” for inspiration when they seem like they’re down.
128. Dawn keeps a “gratitude journal” (which she updates every night).
129. Dawn “moos” at cows when she drives by them.
130. Dawn has seen (and is inspired by) the movie “Homeless to Harvard.”
131. Dawn applauds the editors and writers of “Fit Pregnancy” magazine (and says out loud… “oooooh!” whenever the magazine is mentioned).”
132. Dawn asks the question “What’s wrong with J.A.G.?” whenever anybody mentions how lame that television show is.
133. Dawn regularly states… out loud… “tomatoes are straight from the Gods.”
134. Dawn uses the phrase… “lotty dotty doo.”
135. Dawn brags that she saved change once.
136. Dawn shrieks out loud when she hears about babies named “Isabella” (because of how cute she thinks the name is).
137. Dawn frantically asks “Where is Sophia? What about Sophia??” when people discuss popular baby names.
138. Dawn LOVED the television show “Scarecrow and Mrs. King” when it was on in the ’80’s, and makes no secret of it.
139. Dawn buys and watches yoga DVD’s.
140. Dawn worries about Nicole Ritchie’s weight.
141. Dawn knows all of the different “Law & Orders,” can tell them apart and TiVo’s them all.
142. Dawn thinks living on a farm would be fun.
143. Dawn keeps a running tally of how often her husband turns her down for hugs/cuddles (even though the number is zero, Dawn still keeps score).
144. Dawn watches reruns of the ’80’s tv show “Perfect Strangers”… while doing an “early run” on Saturday mornings.
145. Dawn encourages 6-week-old babies to do calf exercises.
146. Dawn knows people who have been in roping accidents.
147. Dawn uses the phrase “that’s rubbish.”
148. Dawn thinks it would be fun to deliver food to needy pets.
149. Whenever Dawn watches the show “Southpark,” she thinks of her dead friend who also used to like it.
150. Dawn goes online and looks for “genetic counselors” in case she ever gets pregnant.
151. Dawn “boos” out loud at warm weather forecasts.
152. Dawn “boos” ice berg lettuce.
153. Dawn cheers Romaine.
154. Dawn refers to Madonna’s muscular arms as “kick-ass.”
155. Dawn watches the television show “Monk” … a lot… even on vacation.
156. Dawn is grossed out by cooked red meat.
157. Dawn watches reruns of the MTV movie awards.
158. Dawn knows that actress Alicia Silverstone sleeps with all of her dogs.
159. Dawn watches “Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place” on the WE network (that’s the Women’s Entertainment Network).
160. Dawn says “yay!” when the TV show According to Jim is mentioned.
161. Dawn knows that the guy who plays the dad on “That ’70’s Show” has a niece that lives in Sacramento… and she’s excited about it and thinks you should be too… and she believes that everybody should know this.
162. Dawn proudly proclaims “I’m a hick at heart!”
163. Dawn snoops through other people’s discarded frozen dinner boxes to check the nutritional content of the meal.
164. Dawn comments on people’s failed career attempts by saying “hey man, it’s just not their bag.”
165. Dawn says “yaay!” and sings the hook to the song “Time After Time” whenever somebody mentions singer Cyndi Lauper.
166. Dawn loves Petaluma.
167. Dawn knows and watches the Outdoor Life Network.
168. Dawn has the theme to the TV show “Dallas” programmed as the ring tone on her cell phone… and she brags about it.
169. Dawn can visibly tell the difference between a Power Bar and a Balance Bar… even when the wrapper is off.
170. Dawn will make her children volunteer for retards (and has mentioned this on the air).
171. Dawn checks out the track listings of “Party CD’s” that she finds at the Pottery Barn.
172. Dawn knows how to spell the first name of Jessica Simpson’s personal assistant… and spells it out loud every time her name is mentioned.
173. Dawn plays calendar games using her knuckles.
174. Dawn says “Walker Texas Ranger’s truck is awesome.”
175. Dawn envies bargain shoppers who buy crap.
176. Dawn watches the movie “Spanglish” just to look at Thea Leoni’s ab muscles.
177. Dawn watches the travel channel to… “get a kick in the booty.”
178. Dawn refers to some people’s boats as… “kick-ass!”
179. Dawn goes on vacation to Seattle… and watches the movie “Sleepless in Seattle” (which she has seen two and a half dozen times) … and cries while watching it.
180. Dawn proudly proclaims… “I own the show ‘Fat Actress’ on DVD!!”
181. Dawn brags about having a rice maker.
182. Dawn wants a central vacuum for her house.
183. Dawn says… “Friday nights on ‘the WB’ (network) are where it’s at!!!”
184. Dawn picks out her favorite checkers at grocery stores and won’t get her groceries checked in any other line out of loyalty.
185. Dawn knows that there is such a thing as a “Crystal Lite Slurpie,” and enjoys them.
186. Dawn keeps track of how often Rob takes baths.
187. Dawn loudly proclaims (about her favorite band) that… “Coldplay Rocks.”
188. Dawn “gets off” on having her blood drawn and tested.
189. Dawn archives her blood test results and reads them for fun.
190. Dawn cleans out the shredder bin from the paper shredder Arnie steals every day for listener mail. The reason why? Dawn says it’s proper… “shred-iquette.”
191. Dawn looks forward to going to boot camp to lose weight.
192. Dawn says that the show Medium… “rocks.”
193. Dawn knows who the co-host of “Extra.” Dawn also knows that she’s married to a plastic surgeon.
194. Dawn schedules heart scans for herself… and gets excited about it.
195. Dawn knows that you can do a “Ten Step” to the Charlie Daniels Band Song “The Devil Went Down to Georgia.”
196. Dawn knows that paper eating is a disease.
197. When asked to think of a ’70’s sitcom, Dawn immediately blurts out.. “Soap!”
198. Dawn puts health disclaimers when she posts pictures of food on her photo pages.
199. Dawn wants to buy locks for her toilets to keep creatures from crawling in through the plumbing..

200. Dawn logs onto the website for the show “The Biggest Loser” on a regular basis.
201. Dawn cheers “yaaay health!!” when Rob does the health feature.
202. Dawn gets off on the sound of diesel trucks.
203. Dawn goes out to eat and orders cereal.
204. Dawn openly comments on how great her boobs, arms and hands are.
205. Dawn refers to her heart as her “ticker.”
206. Dawn loves the smell of fish.
207. Dawn wishes they made diet wine.
208. Dawn says that “fresh cranberries are the bomb.”
209. Dawn claims she can smell grease.
210. Dawn is an expert on ulcers.
211. Dawn buys music CD’s at the post office.
212. Dawn knows the glycemic index value of all fast food items… and thinks you should, too.
213. Dawn tells people to get colonics.
214. Dawn brags about her childhood… “I was the hoola-hoop champion of my neighborhood!!!!” (by the way, Dawn shimmies her hips while she says this).
215. Dawn vacations in Fresno.
216. Dawn browses Rob’s recipe page to check the fat content of the recipes.
217. Dawn plays “people charades” with her husband for fun.
218. Dawn thinks it would be great to be recovering from anorexia so she could eat “chocodiles” without feeling guilty.
219. Dawn keeps a “birthday book” of people’s birthdays.
220. Dawn knows what songs are fun to run to (that list, by the way, includes the Gwen Stefani song… “Hollaback Girl.”)
221. Dawn examines rocks while hiking.
222. Dawn wants to train her cat to take leash walks with her.
223. Dawn doesn’t think she’s ever had prime rib before.
224. Dawn celebrates birthdays by going to the movies.
225. Dawn has dreams about going to yoga class with Jessica and Nick Simpson.
226. Dawn thinks Tony Danza is hot.
227. Dawn brags about going to the rodeo in Yerington, Nevada every August.
228. Dawn knows how to spell “Yerington.”
229. Dawn carries around a pocket dictionary.
230. Dawn crosses her fingers in hopes that her favorite WB shows will be renewed on other networks.
231. Dawn cheers for the actor Paul Newman not because he’s a great actor, but because of how much she likes his salad dressings (and dark chocolate).
232. Dawn says out loud… “yaaay Jesus” and makes a cross in the air with her hands whenever someone says the word “Jesus.”
233. Dawn warns people to watch their potassium intake so they don’t “Terry Schiavo” themselves.
234. Dawn says that leg lunges are… “your best friend.”
235. Dawn regularly checks and comments on the dryness of her cuticles.
236. Dawn refers to fatty foods as… “do-doey.”
237. Dawn coos out loud whenever somebody mentions cars that were made in the 1950’s.
238. Dawn refers to bad methamphetamines as… “bunk.”
239. Dawn worries about stores that don’t cater to the morbidly obese.
240. Dawn refers to wheat pancakes as… “yuuuuumeeeeee!!!”
241. Dawn says that hearing about people in love… “pumps her up.”
242. Dawn says that pregnancy is… “a promise from God.”
243. Dawn makes her own pinto beans.
244. Dawn knows that the name of the dog in the “Bushes Baked Beans” commercial is named Duke.
245. Dawn coos out loud whenever somebody mentions the town of Ione, California.
246. Dawn goes to bull riding events in Ione, California.
247. Dawn envies big-gummed people because she thinks they’re less likely to get gum disease.
248. Dawn randomly proclaims (after seeking out and finding depressing stories in the New York Times)… “unghhh… we are so lucky not to have been born in Africa.”
249. Dawn knows that “the Red Hats” do a lot of parades in the Bay Area.
250. Dawn envies young grandmothers.
251. Dawn likes her mother-in-law.
252. Dawn watches “Walker: Texas Ranger,” on the USA Network.
253. Dawn knows exactly what time (and channel) reruns of “Law & Order” come on.
254. Dawn likes boysenberry flavored Gatorade.
255. Dawn says… “you should dance in the rain and celebrate life.”
256. Dawn thinks getting the chills is a religious experience.
257. Dawn’s favorite magazine is “Parenting Magazine,” even though she has no children and none are on the horizon.
258. Dawn says… “ohhhhh… Mango” and fans herself whenever somebody mentions anything about fresh mangos.
259. Dawn watches Maury Pauvich & Connie Chung’s Saturday morning news show on MSNBC.
260. Dawn’s goal in life is to sit in a room by herself with no vices and be happy.
261. Dawn enjoys being a hypocrite.
262. Dawn sings the theme song to the talk show “Ellen” every time comedian Ellen Degeneres is mentioned… and she dances along while she’s singing it.
263. Dawn worries about running over bodies on the highway.
264. Dawn likes raking leaves because it’s good exercise.
265. Dawn thinks government savings bonds are “neat.”
266. Dawn thinks birthday parties for one year old babies are cool, and says “wooo wooo” when referring to them.
267. Dawn enjoys deciphering personalized license plates.
268. Dawn wears hospital scrubs out in public because she thinks they’re cozy.
269. Dawn thinks “jugglers” are entertaining.
270. Dawn demands to see actor Leslie Nielson’s weiner.
271. Dawn shops at Target, and says… “ooooohhhh man, I could get lost in there for hours.”
272. Dawn proclaims enthusiastically… “I gotta check out that God Pod.”
273. Dawn wants to ring the NASDAQ bell.
274. Dawn raves about how much she loves reruns of the show “Reaming Steele.”
275. Dawn quietly prays for random people she sees when she’s out in public (and is indignant when she finds out that you don’t).
276. Dawn says… “ooohhhhh, black beans are your best friends.”
277. Dawn buys books to improve her memory.
278. Dawn buys congratulatory cards for new millionaires.
279. Dawn wants to know how she can be one of those people who are interviewed for national surveys.
280. Dawn knows (and brags about knowing) that heart disease is the #1 killer of all women.
281. Dawn plans her Saturday afternoons around re-broadcasts of the daytime Emmy awards.
282. Dawn applauds dancing sign holders at street corners who… “really get into it.”
283. Dawn enjoys watching TV news specials on the how our school system compares to those in other nations.
284. Dawn goes to IHOP and orders wheat nut pancakes… with no syrup.
285. Dawn gets excited about “Listener Mail” from Turlock, CA.
286. Dawn wants to watch children train for spelling bees.
287. Dawn knows that the name of actress Teri Hatcher’s book is called “Burnt Toast.”
288. Dawn envies overly thin girls who are trying to put on weight.
289. Dawn groups herself in with celebrities she identifies with by proclaiming herself part of… “Team (insert celebrity name here. i.e. “Team Anniston,” “Team Simpson,” Team Locklear.”)
290. Dawn has never seen “Return of the Jedi,” and says… “uh-huh, and I don’t plan to” in her ghetto-girl voice while rotating her head and waggling her hips.
291. Dawn gets excited about courthouses.
292. Dawn prays to get menopause.
293. Dawn refers to breast milk as… “booby-juice”
294. Dawn thinks it’s neat to get married barefoot.
295. Dawn refers to young people as “whipper-snappers”
296. Dawn refers to poop as… “the icky.”
297. Dawn brags about how cool Target’s Greatland is while snapping her fingers in the air.
298. Dawn used the phrase… “double trouble.”
299. Dawn knows that the actress who played Cindy Brady on “The Brady Bunch” is pushing some product that is supposed to help people with migraine headaches.

300. Dawn proudly proclaims that Carson City is… “WOOOO-HOOOOOO!!! capital of Nevada!!!”… while raising her arm over her head and flashing the “rocker” hand gesture (the devil horn fingers with the thumb out).
301. Dawn worries about how unattractive people’s feet are who walk all the way across the country to lose weight.
302. Dawn is excited about getting an oil painting of herself and her husband “Dumb-Dumb” to look like the famous 1930’s Grant Wood painting “American Gothic” (the famous painting with the farmer holding the pitchfork with his wife in front of a barn).
303. Dawn gets her religious spirit from vegetables (“Veggie Tales”).
304. Dawn invites herself over to Rob’s house just to eat Rob’s broccoli.
305. Dawn refers to her feet as “tootsies.”
306. Dawn knows that there’s a great Mexican restaurant in Death Valley.
307. Dawn is excited about former Secretary of State Madelyn Albright speaking in Sacramento.
308. Dawn refers to people who have lost a lot of weight as… “thinny minnies.”
309. Dawn is excited about people who live on courts.
310. Dawn “gets a high” off watching TV footage of sexual predators being arrested.
311. Dawn worries about being out of the demographics for major studies.
312. Dawn cooes and caws whenever somebody mentions the ’80’s cop drama “Hill Street Blues.”
313. Dawn likes the beeping sound of groceries being checked at the grocery store.
314. Refers to pregnancy flab as a…. “pouch of honor.”
315. Dawn goes hiking in Colfax.
316. Dawn knows that you get a tax credit if you drive an alternative fuel vehicle.
317. Dawn parties in Fernly, Nevada at… “the Wigwam.”
318. Dawn gets excited about ovulating.
319. Dawn knows that there is a great country station in Bakersfield, California.
320. Dawn knows that the old lady with the horn-rimmed glasses and curlers on all the Hallmark Shoebox cards is named “Maxine” (and she thinks that you should care about this).
321. Dawn thinks you should make this list into a drinking game.
322. Dawn “boooooos” at the difficulty level of jumping rope.
323. Dawn fans herself with excitement whenever she talks about Wheatland, California.
324. Dawn uses the phrase “Au Contraire.”
325. Dawn does experiments to compare other stores prices to Trader Joe’s.
326. Dawn knows that the first 5 ingredients of any store bought food are the most important.
327. Dawn claims you should pray to the Virgin Mary if you’re having fertility issues.
328. Dawn knows that 60% of your muscle mass is in your legs… and thinks “that’s cool!”
329. Dawn wakes up on Saturday mornings and gets excited that people she doesn’t know are getting married somewhere.
330. Dawn “LOOOOOOVES” to collect change.
331. Dawn advocates putting prostate cancer awareness pamphlets in your dad’s gift box this father’s day.
332. Dawn gets excited over the DVD release of… “The Rockford Files.”
333. Dawn listens to the walls in her house for hissing sounds in case there’s a snake inside.
334. Dawn listens to the jazz station while getting ready for yoga.
335. Dawn appreciates when listeners bring her cous cous.
336. Dawn proclaims the middle of June as… “the landscape time of year.”
337. Dawn gets excited over the mention of Wal Mart or Target.
338. Dawn jumps up and down and screams “I love it!!! I love it!!!” when any song by Kenny G comes on.
339. Dawn brags about getting Crystal Lite Slurpies from 7-11… and says “hey, ya gotta live a little” when she gets one.
340. Dawn brags that her entire kitchen décor is… “roosters and cows.”
341. Dawn is fascinated by roundabouts.
342. – 350. Dawn plays “Bunco” with the neighborhood gals. (Listener Note: This is such an unfun thing, it counts as 9 entries)
351. Dawn thinks that a night of fondue and crying with the girlfriends is fun night.
352. Dawn watches Mexican language documentaries about drug mules while on vacation.
353. Dawn applauds out loud at shopping surveys.
354. Dawn proclaims… “there is no better high than a day of sales.”
355. Dawn avoids travel because she’s afraid a natural disaster will kill her wherever she goes.
356. Dawn keeps a pad and pencil next to her bed so she can write down her dreams so she doesn’t forget any of the details.
357. Dawn still keeps and reads cards that people gave her when her father passed away… 10 years ago.
358. Dawn gets chills when flowers are turned into compost.
359. Dawn cheers out loud at her zodiac sign.
360. Dawn “yaaaays” the new Weird Al Yankovik CD.
361. Dawn brags about going to the annual Chicken and Egg Parade in Petaluma, California.
362. Dawn excitedly cheers the release of the 2nd season of “Hart to Hart” on DVD.
363. Dawn openly cheers “jogglers.”
364. Dawn TiVos every single episode of the Oprah Winfrey show every single day it’s on regardless of the guest or the show topic.
365. Dawn qualifies oatmeal as a comfort food, and further adds… “especially if it’s got vanilla soy milk in it.”
366. Dawn has always dreamed of having green eyes.
367. Dawn has the CD “Mob Hits” in her car at all times.
368. Dawn feels bad for actors and actresses because high definition television exposes their beauty flaws.
367. Dawn loves black and white film.
368. Dawn thinks a great radio station contest would be to give away cross-shredders to prevent identity theft.
369. Dawn is enthralled with her high definition television because it makes her favorite shows on Discovery Channel look so lifelike.
370. Dawn refers to Power Bars as…. “dessert.”
371. Dawn peeks at her Christmas decoration boxes that she keeps in storage… in October… even though she already knows what’s in them.
372. Dawn knows that great “team ropings” happen in Rancho Murietta, California.
373. Dawn marvels at people who have enough willpower to not eat shrimp that’s frozen hard as a rock.
374. Dawn proclaims enthusiastically that… “blueberries are magical.”
375. Dawn leaves goodbye notes for dead trees.
376. Dawn brags that she makes a “mean” miniature, bite-sized pecan pie.
377. Dawn excitedly exclaims… “Ohhh!! Thrift stores!!!”
378. Dawn eats rice cakes made from brown rice.
379. Dawn shouts out the number for the Domestic Abuse Hotline (which she has memorized) during discussions of the the greatest songs of the ’80s.
380. Dawn makes a “boop boop boop” noise to indicate that she is popping bites of food in her mouth.
381. Dawn reads books about how the body digests food for fun.
382. Dawn knows that “60 Minutes” reporter Morley Safer has big hands.
383. Dawn yearns to take part in an exit poll of a major election.
384. Dawn says… “Placerville… ohhh, NEAT town! You have to walk it!”
385. Dawn uses actress Sally Field as her barometer for getting old.
386. Dawn brags about archiving episodes of “20/20” on her TiVo.
387. Dawn refers to any building or place of business involved with the sex industry as… “those dirty houses.”
388. Dawn TiVo’s the show… “The View.”
389. Dawn interrupts other people’s conversations to give them travel tips from… www.oprah.com.
390. Dawn wishes happy birthday to fetuses.
391. Dawn gets mad when she doesn’t finish her broccoli.
392. Dawn wonders whether the Butterball Turkey talk-line operators get to answer calls from home on Thanksgiving.
393. Dawn says indignantly (while pointing at you)… “hey, the best recipes are found on soup cans… sometimes.”
394. Dawn watches “The Diva Show” on CMT.
395. Dawn fears the day when her age will no longer fall in the bracket of surveys discussed on our show.
396. Dawn knows that actress Ellen Burstyn has a new book coming out.
397. Dawn proudly proclaims… “Grandparents are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO important!!”
398. Dawn refers to the website thebabycenter.com as… “a GRRRRRREAT website!!!” even though Dawn has no children.
399. Dawn refers to female cops as… “bad-asses.”.

400. When Dawn hears about parents who play video games with their kids as a way of spending time together, Dawn says “Unghh… Why don’t they just talk?”
401. Dawn thinks it would be totally awesome to own a candle store.
402. Dawn watches the Rachael Ray cooking show and knows that when Rachael says “E-V-O-O,” she’s referring to extra virgin olive oil.
403. Dawn subscribes to Barak Obama’s email newsletter, and checks her inbox regularly for updates.
404. Dawn interrupts fun discussions on the show to remind everyone that… “moms are superheros.”
405. Dawn knows the entire programming schedule for the BRAVO channel.
406. Dawn is worried that Paula Abdul might have a neurological disease like that Michael J. Fox guy.
407. Dawn keeps a chart at home to remind her to check her breasts for cancer.
408. Dawn has friends that collect ceramic pigs.
409. Dawn uses the word… “fuddy-duddy.”
410. Dawn goes to basket parties.
411. Dawn wants to visit the horse hall of fame.
412. Dawn watches movies made in the late ’90’s and gets freaked out because she knows Al-Queda was planning the 9-11 attacks then.
413. Dawn has the caloric intake of Margaritas memorized.
414. Dawn loves Kelly Ripa.
415. Dawn reads Shape Magazine.
416. Dawn has taken the heart disease test at gored.com.
417. Dawn worries that early morning power outages could prevent people’s alarm clocks from going off, and considers driving by said houses repeatedly honking her horn to make sure they’re awake and at work on time (this is not a joke).
418. Dawn looks through tabloid magazines so she can pick out celebrity noses.
419. Dawn wants to take a school field trip to Barnes & Noble at the stroke of midnight so they can all get the new “Harry Potter” book.
420. Dawn thinks that produce delivery truck drivers are…. “COOOOOOOOL!!!!!”
421. Dawn celebrates people who drive produce delivery trucks because…. “they deliver goodness!!”
422. Dawn proclaims… “Dog shows are COOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!”
423. Dawn refers to pizza as… “a heart attack on a platter.”
424. Dawn worries when she drives to her friend’s house that she’ll round the corner and the house will be on fire.
425. Dawn worries about binging on peanut butter.
425. Dawn inspects trees for Jesus sightings.
426. Dawn knows that I.H.O.P. has whole wheat pancakes and sugar-free syrup, and says (while rubbing her stomach in a circular motion)….. “they are uh-YUMMYYYYYYYYYY” in an overly affected French accent.
427. Dawn decides which celebrities to identify with based on whether or not they’ve had weight issues.
428. Dawn uses the phrase… “grooms trousers” (slacks).
429. Dawn worries about grocery stores having to reprint “Super Bowl” promotional banners because the NFL is enforcing their copyright of that term.
430. Dawn is a member of the Whole Foods website, and regularly logs on to check the dates of store openings in her area.
431. Dawn “gets off” on 16 hour work days.
432. Dawn has always dreamed of owning a pedometer.
433 – 443. Dawn plays bocce ball at Italian restaurants while she’s waiting to be seated.
444. Dawn fears that killer bees will pour into her car through the vents and sting her to death (even though the fake “killer bee” scare ended 20 years ago).
445. Dawn proclaims… “I looooooooove barns!!!!”
446. Dawn indignantly announces that she can tell the difference between real eggs and low fat Egg Beaters because… “I KNOW the consistency of Egg Beaters.”
447. Dawn dreams of traveling across America in an RV.
448. Dawn gets up at 2am to work out.
449. Dawn says that… “naps are a gift from God.”
450. Dawn picks which hotel to stay at based on when their gym is open.
451. Dawn brings a jump rope with her on vacation in case the hotel gym isn’t open when she wants it to be.
452. Dawn keeps a journal of people’s death anniversaries so she can remember to grieve on those days.
453. Dawn thinks about Howie Mandel while she’s getting her nails done.
454. Dawn changes her purchases at the point of sale if the total comes out to $6.66 to avoid the devil.
455. Dawn…. “LOOOOOOOOOOOVES the combination of popcorn and oranges.”
456. Dawn loves the sound of fans.
457. Dawn memorizes cholesterol drug commercials, and finds the men in them sexy.
458. Dawn can’t wait ’till her next promotion so she can buy a tractor.
459. Dawn takes celebrity baby quizzes in Us Magazine and refuses to cheat when she does them because she takes them seriously.
460. Dawn TiVos “Mad TV” so she can feel closer to her nieces.
461. Dawn loves the fiddle.
462. Dawn knows that Oprah Winfrey’s trainer is named Bob Green, and that he has a bunch of books out.
463. Dawn thinks it’s sad that no one goes to libraries anymore.
464. Dawn brags about going to the American Idol traveling tour with her nieces.
465. Dawn corrects people when they mispronounce the names of “American Idol” contestants.
466. Dawn wonders out loud what sugar substitute will replace sugar in marshmallow peeps because she worries that it will make people have to run to the bathroom.
467. Dawn crosses out the names of “American Idol” contestants she doesn’t like in her entertainment magazines while talking trash about them (out loud).
468. Dawn knows that you should take 10,000 steps a day to remain healthy, and thinks everyone should know that (and gets indignant when she finds out that you don’t).
469. Dawn excitedly exclaims… “Ohhhhh! Kurt Russell!!!”
470. Dawn thinks you should be nice to old people you see out in public because you never know if they’ve wandered away from a mental facility.
471. Dawn brags about “indulging” in half a snow cone.
472. Dawn brags that her (farmer) grandfather once grew the biggest… “I don’t know, something or other.”
473. Dawn recommends that you use “Runner’s Glide” so your workout clothes don’t rub blisters on your skin.
474. Dawn shouts out (whenever Rob reads news stories that mention the country of Italy)…. “ohhhh, they have great boat makers there.”
475. Dawn thinks that the movies “Bring it On” and “Bring it On Again” are awesome.
476. Dawn knows (without having to look it up) that the star of “Bring it On: All or Nothing” is Hayden Panettiere.
477. Dawn listens to “Delilah.”
478. Dawn refers to young people as “youth.”
479. Dawn hangs out with her godchild.
480. Dawn keeps track of how many times she correctly picks who gets voted off of “American Idol.”
481. Dawn says that women who achieve the level of success of Judge Judy… “have to be hard core, like a man.”
482. Dawn objects out loud to this list.
483. Dawn proclaims out loud… “Ohhhh, Mya Angelou… she’s a great poet!”
484. Dawn justifies reason #483 by indignantly adding… “Everybody knows that.”
485. Dawn loves opening cereal in the living room.
486. Dawn can’t wait to shop at thrift stores in L. A. so she can buy stuff that stars used to wear.
487. Dawn speaks out against using soap and water to clean your eyes.
488. Dawn smack talks SUVs that she passes on the freeway because they’re not as nice as Rob’s wife, Janell’s new Escalade… and then immediately feels guilty because she’s afraid the people she’s smack talking probably can’t afford a nicer SUV than the one they’re driving.
489. Dawn finds television town hall meetings… “refreshing.”
490. Dawn wonders about the sleeping schedule of “American Idol” contestants.
491. Dawn shouts…. “Yaaaaaaaaaaay-yeah!!!!!” and pumps her first up and down cheering for George Hamilton to be the new host of “The Price is Right” (then follows it up by saying “oh yeah, oh yeah, he gotsit. He gots it”).
492. Dawn proudly announces that she is saving money for when gas prices reach $5 dollars per gallon.
493. Dawn hopes and prays that she passes online nutrition quizzes.
494. Dawn checks out the online nutritional guides of family-style restaurants before ordering takeout.
495. Dawn knows exactly how many calories are in eggs and how many are in egg whites, and uses this knowledge to ruin Rob’s online nutritional quizzes.
496. Dawn gets the chills when Rob talks about plays.
497. Dawn cheers… “goooooooooooooooo Christians!!!!’ whenever Rob reads news articles about the world’s Christian population.
498. Dawn fears that the person standing next to her at the post office has just committed mass murder.
499. Dawn turns down year-long vacations.

500. Dawn color-coordinates her outfits to coincide with public tributes to mass murder victims.
501. Dawn wakes up at 3:30am on Sunday mornings to watch depressing movies.
502. Dawn knows the colors for all the ribbons of all the political/medical public awareness causes… and thinks you should too.
503. Dawn brags that she has “easy veins.”
504. Dawn reminds passersby that a meal is 300 calories.
505. Dawn wants to… “take Arnie’s heart out of his chest and hug it.”
506. Dawn worries that Rob will forget about “Dutch Crunch” bread when planning his snacks.
507. Dawn thinks grilled cheese sandwiches are gross.
508. Dawn says that Gwen Stefani is… “The Real Deal!!!”
509. Dawn crosses her fingers and hopes that people call “American Idol” during their “Keepin it Real” charity show to benefit poor people Africa so the sponsors have to give more money.
510. Dawn constantly worries that gas station attendants will be robbed.
512. Dawn imagines what it would be like to make out with specific “American Idol” contestants and how good they would be at… “French Kissing.”
513. Dawn is 37 years old and still uses the term “French kissing.”
514. Dawn refers to yogurt as… “nature’s dessert.”
515. Dawn wants to travel to Washington so she can meet the professional Benjamin Franklin impersonator.
516. Dawn regularly attends cattle auctions.
517. Dawn knows that Salma Hayek’s best friend is Penelope Cruz.
518. Dawn tries to compute how many hours of sleep Ryan Seacrest gets per night based on what she thinks his schedule is.
519. Dawn sings “Happy Birthday” to Rob’s dog Shep live on the air, and interjects the lyric “woof woof” at the end of every line.
520. Dawn also sings “Happy Birthday” to Rob’s cats, but interjects the lyric “meow meow” instead.
521. Dawn tells her cats her predictions for who she thinks will get kicked off “Dancing with the Stars.”
522. Dawn waits until the year 2007 to try Coke at McDonalds.
523. Dawn brags about watching the “E! True Hollywood” show about celebrity divorces.
524. Dawn drives around the outskirts of Modesto, California trying to find George Lucas’ ranch.
525. Dawn loves the sound of sprinklers.
526. Dawn mimics the sound of sprinklers coming on by making a “ch-ch-ch-ch” noise with her mouth whenever anyone in the room talks about sprinklers.
527. Dawn worries about the global honey shortage.
528. Dawn wants Rob to record queer inspirational messages so she can play them back while driving in traffic so she won’t get so mad at other cars.
529. Dawn can’t wait to play bridge with her friends for coupons.
530. Dawn gives her entertainment magazines to old people when she’s done with them in case they can’t afford them, and tells other people to do so, too.
531. Dawn worries about news anchor Brit Hume’s nagging cough.
532. Dawn knows (thanks to Barbara Walters) that you should never curtsy the Queen of England if you are an American.
533. Dawn gets bummed when she can’t watch media coverage of the British Royal Family’s visit to the U.S.
534. Dawn spends her leisure time watching TV shows about kids with cancer.
535. Dawn owns a garden journal.
536. Dawn shops for groceries to cook dinner and wonders out loud… “what kind of onion would Rob buy.”
537. Dawn feels bad when asked by grocery store clerks to come in the “10 items or less” lane when she has 12 items.
538. Dawn enjoys looking at employee name tags to see how long they’ve worked there.
539. Dawn loves to bus tables at Mexican restaurants while Mariachi bands are playing.
540. Dawn is excited about how much Fernley, Nevada is growing.
541. (**Listener note: This is not a joke, and it’s not hyperbole) Dawn carries a small tray of vegetables with her wherever she goes.
542. Dawn anxiously awaits the appearance of “Bigfoot” when she visits Yosemite National Park.
543. Dawn goes to the grocery store hoping she’ll be asked to sign a petition to officially designate “Bigfoot” as an endangered species.
544. Dawn loves banjos.
545. Dawn says… “Mondays are magical.”
546. Dawn worries about the self-esteem of Rob’s dog.
547. Dawn likes “Meet the Press” host Tim Russert and is excited about the Tim Russert calendar.
548. Dawn knows for a fact that the “Dancing with the Stars” tour had never been to Sacramento, and is upset about it.
549. Dawn throws a fit every time we add a reason to this list based on something she says ver batim on this show, announcing… “the misquoting continues!!!!!!”
550. Dawn knows for a fact that the “American Idol’ tour always comes to Sacramento.
551. Dawn knows exactly how many grams of sugar are in a bar of dark chocolate.
552. Dawn can’t wait to see Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s photos from Queen Elizabeth’s visit to the White House.
553. Dawn can’t wait to hold Rob’s wife’s new purse and smell it and feel it and rub it all over her body.
553. Dawn can’t wait to get the new “Lifetime” magazine (which doesn’t even exist yet).
554. Dawn finds it awesome that other people park Rob’s SUV.
555. Dawn refers to people who make waffles from scratch as… “hard core.”
556. Dawn brags about having friends in Nebraska who knit.
557. Dawn despises “Bigfoot” impersonators and refers to them as… “jerks.”
558. Dawn worries about the amount of trees being used for people printing double receipts at the gas station.
559. Dawn laughs vindictively when homeowners who sell their homes have to leave furniture behind because it’s built into the house.
560. Dawn cheers herself and her heritage by randomly announcing live on the air… “GOOOOOOO DAGOS!!!
561. Dawn brags about making manicotti pancakes as giving them out as Christmas gifts.
562. Dawn makes homemade wheat pancakes with flaxseed.
563. Dawn exclaims… “That’s awesome!!!” when people wonder out loud whether or not sharks get cavities.
564. Dawn cheers “Producer Brandon” because he goes to the library once every three months or so.
565. Dawn keeps a journal of who gets kicked off “Dancing With The Stars.”
566. Dawn keeps track of polls about hair color of “American Idol” contestants.
567. Dawn smells key chains to determine if they are made of real leather.
568. Dawn distinguishes between “good” toothbrushes and “ghetto” toothbrushes.
569. Dawn thinks the name “Flip” is cool first name.
570. Dawn thinks community centers should offer yoga classes to settle America down.
571. Dawn goes to Renaissance fair reenactments.
572. Dawn brags about filling out online petitions for women to get better treatment during mammograms.
573. Dawn imagines celebrities (especially Al Gore) going to the bathroom in order to better relate to them.
574. Dawn feels guilty about photographing animals going to the bathroom because she thinks it’s an invasion of their privacy.
575. Dawn can’t wait to get a barn so she can sit on the second story by the window and read a book or look at nature.
576. Dawn gets naked to weigh herself, which means (according to Dawn) you have to take off pants, earrings and jewelry and you have to make sure your hair is dry.
577. Dawn interrupts anyone reading a news story about the state of Kansas and reminds them that she has friends there.
578. Dawn can’t engage in any enjoyable activity without thinking of other people less fortunate than she is and the things they don’t have.
579. Dawn worries about the social life of cows.
580. Dawn “LOOOOOOOOOOOVES” weeping willow trees.
581. Dawn is awestruck by hanging laundry lines.
582. Dawn refers to legless crippled rock climbers as… “crazy cool.”
583. Dawn likes hanging out with deer and lecturing them on eating disorders.
584. Dawn flips off price tags she thinks are too high.
585. Dawn worries that older women who make their own restaurant reservations lost their husbands in “The Great War.”
586. Dawn thinks that tupperware is “awesome!”
587. Dawn refers to thin people as “string beans.”
588. Dawn reads and memorizes studies about women having babies with down syndrome.
589. Dawn starts conversations with people about volunteering for the elderly.
590. Dawn wants to go read to old people for free.
591. Dawn longingly reminisces about Zenith televisions.
592. Dawn refers to her friends’ dates she doesn’t approve of as “bad news!”
593. Dawn carries around the “Cycle of Violence” cards.
594. Dawn is afraid to leave a building if nobody is in it because she’s worried that something she did will start a fire that will burn the building to the ground.
595. Dawn LOOOOOOVES Fleetwood Mac cover bands.
596. Dawn loves tidying up her hotel room hotel even though she knows the hotel maids will do it for her anyway.
597. Dawn doesn’t like to drop signs on the floor.
598. Dawn thinks it would be cool to buy the “forever stamp” so she could show it off to her neighbors.
599. Dawn thinks it’s “awesome!!” that there are machines that let doctors see how much internal fat you have
600. Dawn knows that Chuck Norris is… “a Dodge guy.”
601. Dawn daydreams about the Geico cavemen.
602. Dawn knows the words to the theme song to the show “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader.”
603. Dawn wants to massage other people’s dogs.
604. Dawn loves Chick-Fil-A not for the chicken sandwiches, but because they are a Christian based organization.
605. Dawn wants to see the video of Madeline Albright leg pressing 500 pounds.
606. Dawn can’t wait ’till our show gets over at 10am so she can go to the Sacramento river to see the whales that swam up there by mistake.
607. Dawn knows that Joseph Smith wrote the book of Mormon but doesn’t care because she’s a Catholic.
608. Dawn wants the FDA to put warning labels on Burger King whoppers because of the fat content.
609. Dawn knows precisely that a serving of potato chips is defined as 1 ounce.
610. Dawn wants Blake from “American Idol” to e-mail her.
611. Dawn wonders what the losers from “American Idol” eat for dinner.
612. Dawn watches DVD extras of the movie “Monster” to find out Charlize Theron’s makeup techniques.
613. Dawn wants to purchase and read a book of wedding toasts.
614. Dawn brags about knowing that Reba McEntire is a spokesperson for “Habitat for Humanity.”
615. Dawn wants Hollywood to produce more TV shows and movies in New Orleans to help raise money for Katrina victims.
616. Dawn erroneously reports that trains don’t run to Yosemite National Park.
617. Dawn stews over Dr. Rob letters over the weekend.
618. Dawn claims that it is “cool to be confirmed” by the church.
619. Dawn feels guilty for buying the old smaller TV Guide.
620. Dawn writes American Idol smack-talk on the Scene section of the Sacramento Bee.
621. Dawn dreams about who will win American Idol.
623. Dawn uses the phrase “I’m going to give him what-for” when she’s angry at somebody.
624. Dawn refers to new clothes as…. “new duds.”
625. Dawn thinks that… “it would be HOT to be deaf”… because you could go to concerts and get off on the vibrations.
626. Dawn reads surveys and studies on peppermint.
627. Dawn thinks about slaughtering cows when drinking soy milk.
628. Dawn does research on vegan and vegetarian web sites on her spare time.
629. Dawn wishes everyone a “happy commute”.
630. Dawn wants to watch footage of a shaman beating drums for whales.
631. Dawn defends professional psychics by calling them “insights.”
632. Dawn responds to news stories about orangutans by asking how old they are in dog years.
633. Dawn holds beauty contests for fast food fries.
634. Dawn brags about having cravings for Tuna.
635. Dawn also brags about being a “Mustard Freak”
636. Dawn likes to party on the weekends by making iced coffee, and brags about it.
637. Dawn watched the show “Ugly Betty” to see how much Vanessa Williams has aged.
638. Dawn worries about police officers, she has never met, who work night shifts.
639. Dawn loses sleep over the safety of Paris Hilton while she serves time in jail.
640. Dawn wants grocery stores to hand out health cards warning customers about the health risks of soda pop.
641. Dawn knows and brags about knowing the truth about Paris Hilton’s brown eyes.
642. Dawn claims that the reason people are in debt is because they have low self esteem.
643. Dawn brags about the fact that she reads the “Soap Opera Digest” daily.
644. Dawn brags about her neighborhood having a Welcoming Committee. 
645. Dawn cheers people who can’t drive to work because they will be more physically fit from all of the walking.
646. Dawn finds blinking to be annoying.
647. Dawn wants to calculate her ‘human footprint,’ which measures her effect on the Earth.
648. Dawn brags about knowing that Madonna’s adopted son is from Malowi.
649. Dawn thinks Full House is a racy show.
650. Dawn knows and enthusiastically exclaims that Julia Roberts niece Emma Roberts is playing Nancy Drew in the new movie.
651. Dawn brags about watching the E! True Hollywood Story of the Mickey Mouse Club
652. Dawn brags about taping the red carpet ceremony before the Daytime Emmys.
653. Dawn usually thinks about hungry children in the morning.
654. Dawn bragadociously blurts out that she has a “Women of Faith” book.
655. Dawn is scared to open cans of vegetables.
656. Dawn “Googles” the natural predators of elephants.
657. Dawn is a Hermes bag watcher.
658. Dawn calls the State of California to report brush overgrowth by the train tracks.
659. Dawn excitedly proclaims “Come to Mama” when she eats a lot of fiber.
660. Dawn brags about knowing Rosie O’Donnells sexual history.
661. Dawn proclaims “I read God Books”
662. Dawn cries while she bathes her cats.
663. Dawn claims that Butterflies signal good days.
664. Dawn talks down to “Soy Haters”.
665. Dawn proudly proclaims outloud, “I saw the Dateline with Prince Williams!”
666. Dawn is a member of the Wanda Sykes fan club!
667. Dawn knows what Paris Hilton’s signature looks like.
668. Dawn uses the movie “The Queen” as motivation during her workout.
669. Dawn knows that Leonard Nemoy lives in Tahoe.
670. Dawn is well versed in Leonard Nemoys hobbies, including his love of nude photography.
671. Dawn excitedly announces “I love inspirational quotes!”
672. Dawn is a self proclaimed “text master”
673. Dawn responds to listener mails addressed to her by saying: “Well How-dee-do!!”
674. Dawn checks every night to see who will be on Larry King Live because sometimes he has “awesome guests”.
675. Dawn worries about listener’s grandmothers and their asthma..
676. Dawn says its awful when kids are “off of eggs”
677. Dawn worries about people that have heart disease when at restaurants.
678. Dawn boos parsley out loud.
679. Dawn checks the “Smokey the Bear” sign for the day’s fire danger.
680. Dawn wants to set up a crisis hotline for angry wrestlers.
681. Dawn carries bananas in her car for homeless people.
682. Dawn knows all celebrities that are vegetarians.
683. Dawn writes articles about her appreciation of “Dry Heat”
684. Dawn worries about how the people in the South can jog in the heat and humidity
685. Dawn goes to heart websites to learn more about the link between dental health and heart disease.
686. Dawn is excited about the remake of the movie “Hairspray”
687. Dawn still regrets an “open burn” of all of her ex’s photos, but still brags about it.
688. Dawn obsessively looks at the left hand ring finger of newly married men.
689. Dawn criticizes Hilary Duff for bad dancing.
690. Dawn knows that there are pictures of chickens all over downtown Petaluma.
691. Dawn erroneously refers to the “Butter and Eggs” Parade as the “Chicken and Eggs” Parade.
692. Dawn thoroughly cleans Airplane Lavatories before and after she uses them.
693. Dawn admits to loving certain words, such as “Ginormous”.
694. Dawn proclaims “Oh how sweet” when she finds out a homeless man is running for mayor of San Fransisco.
695. Dawn proclaims that biblical action figures are “Awesome!”.
696. Dawn brags out loud that she has “Yahtzee at home!” during the Bad News Over Happy Music segment.
697. Dawn proclaims during the Bad News Over Happy Music Segment that dressing up like a rodeo clown for halloween is “Cool”.
698. Dawn gets excited about going to the grocery store for running magazines
699. Dawn knows that Hal Higden has a running website.

700. Dawn proudly brings in to work “Vegetarian Times” magazine.
701. Dawn proclaims that kids that like to read will be rich like Bill Gates.
702. Dawn thinks that using a map to get all around Seattle is “Awesome” and “Gives her a High”.
703. Dawn worries that “Barkers Beauties” will be unemployed once Drew Carey takes over the Price is Right.
704. Dawn loves news stories about fat people that do the “leg shake.”
705. Dawn says out loud that she will miss Bob Barkers sign off of “Help control the animal population, get your pets spayed or neutered.”
706. Dawn thinks the new energy saving squiggily lightbulbs are “cute”
706. Dawn writes angry letters to would-be bomb threat makers.
707. Dawn wants to organize a bottled water taste test.
708. Dawn thinks it would be “cool” to be a forensic entomologist.
709. Dawn gets excited for waiters who serve Jackie Chan.
710. Dawn considers slivered almonds a reward.
711. Dawn brags about Sacramento having one of the best Hostels.
712. Dawn likes to wake up early on the weekends because she “loves to watch the world wake up”.
713. Dawn thinks it would be “fun” to prune roses in the summer in Sacramento.
714. Dawn know that there is a “Dancing with the Stars Tour” AND that Drew La-Gay is part of it.
715. Dawn thinks of boots everytime she hears the name “Justin”.
716. Dawn LOOOOVES it when girls are named “Ryan”.
717. Dawn gets overly excited about “20/20” exposes on tall people/little people.
718. Dawn wants to repeat 3 million times out loud “There really ARE cheese allergies!!”
719. Dawn worries while she’s in a parking lot “Is today the day I’m going to lose my legs while someone is backing up?”
720. Dawn line dances and does calisthenics on airplanes.
721. Dawn dreams about answering make-up questions during listener mail.
722. Dawn proudly proclaims that Andy Rooney’s commentary on 60 minutes is “fantastic”.
723. Dawn contemplates the lives of old men at bus stops.
724. Dawn goes to ballparks for vegetarian food.
725. Dawn brags about using the phrase “for the love of cheese and rice.”
726. Dawn brags about eating “Halibut Salad” at 7:30 in the morning.
727. Dawn cries in happiness when her person wins a reality show, even though she’s never met them.
728. Dawn loves Jada Pinkett Smith’s punk band.
729. Dawn loves the telepathic Aquaman Rings.
730. Dawn begs movie theaters to carry vegan food just for her.
731. Dawn takes pictures of the World’s Largest Thermometer.
732. Dawn brags about going to a museum while on vacation in LA.
733. Dawn feels remorse about being in ice cold places during a heat wave.
734. Dawn dreams about touching Rob’s wife purses.
735. Dawn thinks Mark Ruffalo is one of her favorite actors.
736. Dawn wants to collect pictures of reciepts.
737. Dawn likes to take pictures of telephones in hotel rooms.
738. Dawn brags about knowing that Halle Berry has diabetes.
739. Dawn thinks that stuffing envelopes is a great career choice.
740. Dawn thinks you should save your old cell phones because one day they will be collector items.
741. Dawn goes to Las Vegas but doesn’t stay IN Las Vegas.
742. Dawn feels the need to defend art.
743. Dawn dreams of shopping in a bad Target in Baghdad.
744. Dawn reads Time Magazine during the commercial breaks.
745. Dawn does research projects on Miss Manners.
746. Dawn says prayer is the best gift you can give.
747. Dawn brags about reading books about Irish people.
748. Dawn does the peptol bismol commercial dance at home for fun.
749. Dawn brags about going to home shows in Lodi.
750. Dawn wants to make hand holding a sport.
751. Dawn brags about eating tuna covered in blueberries.
752. Dawn eats “ginger chews” to satisfy her sweet tooth.
753. Dawn is fascinated by people who scrapbook.
754. Dawn wants to hire people to scrapbook for her.
755. Dawn admires people that do crosswords.
756. Dawn brags about owning the “Sleepless in Seattle” DVD.
757. Dawn enjoys taking pictures of movies on her TV.
758. Dawn thinks its fun to have a background check run on her.
759. Dawn proclaims that therapy is awesome.
760. Dawn suggests dressing up as “A Locket” for Halloween.
761. Dawn loves driving past pumpkin patches.
762. Dawn looks forward to checkin’ out the overweight pumpkin competitions every fall.
763. Dawn knocks on pumpkins to check their freshness.
764. Dawn blesses people who use the innards of a pumpkin for making pies.
765. Dawn wonders out loud “What is Kelly Ripa drinking out of her coffee cup?”
766. Dawn recommends that health food stores should sell “Drops of Empathy”.
767. Dawn brags about watching the show “Shark”.
768. Dawn goes to Hallmark stores to read books about people who have had succesfful marriages.
769. Dawn wants there to be video games where the characters go to therapy sessions.
770. Dawn wants to rid toasters of “junky-junk.”
771. Dawn wants a toaster that catches crumbs.
772. Dawn goes to football games to see cheerleaders.
773. Dawn wants to attend a meet and greet with the winner from the show “On The Lot”.
774. Dawn says that rocks skipping on water is “soooo pretty”.
775. Dawn loudly proclaims that she wants a Sears catalogue.
776. Dawn thinks “This Day in History” bits are neat.
777. Dawn would smell a bag of found money.
778. Dawn takes pictures of her television while Dancing With The Stars is on.
779. Dawn gets sad when she throws away dark celery.
780. Dawn notices and bitches about color changes to the set of “The View”.
781. Dawn investigates photographs of Sydney Pollack.
782. Dawn memorizes the list of most flammable Halloween costumes every year.
783. Dawn wants to attend the annual “Report to the Nation” seminar on cancer.
784. Dawn googles “assburgers”.
785. Dawn reads columns about girls who have “assburgers”.
786. Dawn recommends handing out dried fruit to trick-or-treaters for Halloween.
787. Dawn wants to have popsicles made out of one single grape.
788. Dawn reads and contributes to the blogs for “Dancing with the Stars”, under the screen name dancinggirl77.
789. Dawn wants everyone to do everything underwater.
790. Dawn cheers for people who get free glow sticks.
791. Dawn thinks that the movie “King Kong” is a sad love story.
792. Dawn loves driving the backroads of the Sacramento area.
793. Dawn proclaims that Britney Spears’ performance at the MTV Video Awards was a “flop-a-roonie”.
794. Dawn proudly brags that she loves the word “flop-a-roonie”.
795. Dawn goes to restaurants and seeks out the health inspection reports.
796. Dawn knows what time Family Fued is aired locally, and gets excited about it.
797. Dawn gets the chills when she hears the last words of Princess Diana.
798. Dawn thinks that collecting Playboy magazines with dead people in them is a good investment.
799. Dawn looooves the movie “Get Smart”.
800. Dawn thinks it is awesome that she has 800 Reasons Why She’s Not Fun!!!
801. Dawn Googles and memorizes the day light savings schedule.
802. Dawn is fascinated by the recorded voices that you hear on automated phone services.
803. Dawn dresses her niece in a pumpkin costume that looks like a pirate.
804. Dawn dreams of decorating her house with cards.
805. Dawn cheers for Jane Pauley.
806. Dawn gets bummed out at the end of horrible radio contests.
807. Dawn Googles pumpkin trail mix.
808. Dawn wants there to be “cheese stings” to thwart underground cheese sales.
809. Dawn surfs Cancer Blogs for fun.
810. Dawn rants about young guys wasting their money on their raised up trucks, to herself.
811. Dawn brags about going to Learning Stores.
812. Dawn thinks people who don’t need a reminder for Daylight Savings Time are “Fantastic!”
813. Dawn announces reasons why she is less fun than herself.
814. Dawn likes to put together photographic scrap books of funerals.
815. Dawn thinks it’s cool to valet at Wal-Mart.
816. Dawn vacations with her Father-in-Law in Visalia.
817. Dawn looooooves watching the Uncle Sam Dancing Troop.
818. Dawn dreams about and advocates for the day when Baseball Umpires can speak.
819. Dawn no longer enjoys her sunroof in fear of a wild animal leaping in through it.
820. Dawn defends people who collect pine cones.
821. Dawn has the desire to have a pet cow.
822. Dawn will be bummed out if she cannot lactate.
823. Dawn dreams of the day to go to Rockefeller Center to watch a dead Christmas tree be put up.
824. Dawn looks forward to going to the airport to take pictures of the people.
825. Dawn envied all of the bookworms in school because she wanted to be one.
826. Dawn brags about being the master at jacks.
827. Dawn shouts out loud, “I love Bibles!”
828. Dawn says out loud “Yayyyyy!” to the sound of music.
829. Dawn brings with her to the bathroom a pad and a pen because she says “Some of the best ideas are made on the toilet.”
830. Dawn can’t wait to vote for Time Magazine’s “Person of the
Year.”
831. Dawn dreams of eating desserts that she will never eat.
832. Dawn brags about owning an antique bible that has never opened which she will never read anyway.
833. Dawn knows and brags about Elisabeth Hasslebeck eats gluten free.
834. Dawn researches judges on British talent shows.
835. Dawn proclaims that her best friends are board games.
836. Dawn claims that eating two pieces of pecan pie in one year is “over doing it.”
837. Dawn decorates her front yard with dead trees.
838. Dawn proudly proclaims that she has magazines with “mom-butts” in it.
839. Dawn thinks that when celebrities go out, the paparazzi cameras go “Posh, Posh, Posh.”
840. Dawn wants a copy of the Condoleezza Rice classical piano CD.
841. Dawn looks forward to watching police round up cows on TV.
842. Dawn pronounces “Dunzo” when she decides to no longer practice a tradition.
843. Dawn loves the word “Dunzo”.
844. Dawn thinks it would be cool to live in a Burro.
845. Dawn wonders what time Rob wakes up in the morning when visiting Reno.
846. Dawn Thinks Larry King is “hip”.
847. Dawn wonders if Bill O’Reilly gets mad when fellow Fox Newscasters make fun of him.
848. Dawn enjoys garnish.
849. Dawn reminisces about her childhood love of olympic gymnast Nadia Komenich.
850. Dawn dreams of attending a seminar hosted by Mary Lou Henner about vegetarianism.
851. Dawn enjoys jogging on Thanksgiving morning.
852. Dawn refers to breakfast as “brekky”.
853. Dawn protests Rob & Arnie “Top 5 Lists” that she disagrees with.
854. Dawn thinks that horseriders should be buried with their horses.
855. Dawn worries about other people’s milk bills.
856. Dawn exchanges holiday recipes with complete strangers while shopping.
857. Dawn proclaims that “feta is betta!”
858. Dawn enjoys dill in her eggs.
859. Dawn dreams of being a master gift wrapper someday.
860. Dawn hopes to be on the same road as the Presidential Christmas tree.
861. Dawn wants to know how much the “12 Days of Christmas” would cost.
862. Dawn gets inspired by insurance people.
863. Dawn analyzes the acting styles of soap opera actors.
864. Dawn thinks the word pub is cool.
865. Dawn logged the time she didn’t use for breaks at her old job just so she could have time for online shopping.
866. Dawn finds chewing gum annoying.
867. Dawn bought all natural oat gum before she was annoyed by it.
868. Dawn brags about owning a Pope John Paul and Mother Theresa book.
869. Dawn loved chap stick commercials as a child.
870. Dawn knows exactly how many calories are in each Jamba Juice smootie.
871. Dawn adores book stores that are family run.
872. Dawn enjoys prairie style carolers at her house.
873. Dawn has all of the tasks of the Parks and Recreations department memorized.
874. Dawn finds Kate Winslet’s accent to be “stunning”.
875. Dawn thinks Kate Winslet’s “acting chops are fantastic!”
876. Dawn refers to feet as “tootsies”. (Yes, we realize that this is on the list twice, but it is so “not fun” that it has to be on the list twice…If you are the one to find this on the list twice, you are probably close to being less fun than Dawn yourself.)
877. Dawn enjoys running the stairs while in Vegas.
878. Dawn plans on going to the Oprah Show everyday when she’s retired.
879. Dawn bakes a cake for Jesus every year.
880. Dawn has a favorite tree, a Douglas Fir.
881. Dawn claims that people born with birth defects and extra limbs are “Gifts from God”.
882. Dawn wants someone to sew her a horse themed pot holder.
883. Dawn apologizes to Mother Earth for pouring less than half a glass of water down the drain.
884. Dawn uses the internet to conduct family tree searches.
885. Dawn watches TV specials on houses decorated with Christmas lights.
886. Dawn day dreams of touching Jennifer Lopez’s fat ass.
887. Dawn wants to stand with Mitt Romney in a wind storm.
888. Dawn thinks the Osmond family is the last wholesome family in America.
889. Dawn memorizes the actresses on Special K commercials.
890. Dawn googles how to spell the name “Kaylee”.
891. Dawn wanted to see the broadway show “Rent” to be made into a movie.
892. Dawn dreams of being a police officer so she can ticket cyclists.
893. Dawn thinks it’s cool to see her own heart.
894. Dawn yearns for the existence of a vaccuum museum.
895. Dawn Googles fitness trainer’s web sites just to join their blogs, not for their work outs.
896. Dawn watches movies about drug mules in Spanish while vacationing.
897. Dawn likes to visualize what celebrities poop looks like.
898. Dawn bases her vacations to Las Vegas on when cheer camps take place.
899. Dawn gets excited over what’s in Al Roker’s fridge.
900. Dawn looooooves road signs.
901. Dawn loves to use the word “kitchy”.
902. Dawn doesn’t leave the house without a copy of Racheal Ray’s magazine.
903. Dawn proudly proclaims that skin care stores are her favorite places to go.
904. Dawn thinks it’s “awe-some” that her house looks like a Waffle Barn.
905. Dawn finds caucuses to be exciting.
906. Dawn carries around a bag of flax seed at all times.
907. Dawn makes a sign of the cross after calling someone a retard.
908. Dawn wants to eat at a restaurant that serves the biggest broccoli spear.
909. Dawn looooves dishes only made of carrots.
910. Dawn proclaims that Arizona and Nevada has the world cornered on the sky.
911. Dawn finds it fun to look at a football player’s shoulder.
912. Dawn thinks Heath Ledger was a good actor.
913. Dawn promotes herpes pride.
914. Dawn yells out her car window at the town of Granite Bay.
915. Dawn thinks that going to Planned Parenthood would be a good first date.
916. Dawn wants to see presidential cadidates throwing a football and “tackling” healthcare.
917. Dawn would like to watch entries to children’s broadcasting competitions.
918. Dawn wants to make veggie pizza “The Pizza of the Super Bowl”.
919. Dawn loves stores that sell Christmas decorations year-round.
920. Dawn wants radios installed in bathrooms so people with urinary tract infections can listen to the Super Bowl.
921. Dawn thinks that Leanord Skinard is the lead singer for Lynyrd Skynyrd.
922. Dawn brags about loving Rascal Flats.
923. Dawn thinks individual dip cups would be cool at parties.
924. Dawn keeps a journal to keep track of American Idol contestants.
925. Dawn thinks it’s cool for everyone when Groundhog’s Day is on a weekend.
926. Dawn loooooves to chew ice.
927. Dawn knows which fast food restaurants have “the good ice”.
928. Dawn proudly proclaims that she has “loved ice since she was a kid”.
929. Dawn listens to people chew on ice because she loves the sound.
930. Dawn begs to get onto the USA Today Ad Mete for the Super Bowl.
931. Dawn proudly proclaims that Kristy Mcnichol is her favorite actress of all time, and is a member of the fan club.
932. Dawn has a subscrition with the Barack Obama online newsletter.
933. Dawn thinks that angus steer are “pretty”.
934. Dawn enjoys checking out Michelle Obama’s ass.
935. Dawn wants to have a slumber party with Hillary Clinton.
936. Dawn thinks when actors grow a moustache for a movie, it makes them a good actor.
937. Dawn would pay top dollar for wild mustang photos.
938. Dawn wants to sit down with old people to talk with them about the 5 and Dime store.
939. Dawn goes to the beach to mourn.
940. Dawn looks forward to attending all-day funerals.
941. Dawn worries when spraying perfume on herself that it was tested on animals.
942. Dawn visits heart web sites to see how the ticker works.
943. Dawn dreamed of being Molly Ringwald.
944. Dawn gets excited on Valentine’s Day to see how her bank will celebrate.
945. Dawn wonders what Rob is wearing every day he drives his corvette.
946. Dawn worries that actress Alicia Coppola will be out of a job.
947. Dawn thinks everyone should go to the library to do research for themselves.
948. Dawn proclaims out loud that Priceline.com is “Cooooool!”
949. Dawn supports vegans by giving them air high fives.
950. Dawn thinks it would be awesome to see President William Taft’s oversized bath tub.
951. Dawn refers to the 29-hour non-stop RAD-A-THON as “Winning the Lottery In Our Hearts.”
952. Dawn reads valentine cards to her cats.
953. Dawn cries for the starving kids in Africa.
954. Dawn proudly proclaims that working middle management is cool.
955. Dawn encourages people to take a day off to look at eclipses.
956. Dawn thinks that staying up for 29 hours is like Christmas.
957. Dawn spends her time memorizing the weights of satellites.
958. Dawn brags about wanting to ride in a double decker bus.
959. Dawn wants a panic room.
960. Dawn says that “stretching out the bottom of her sweat pants is her thing!”
961. Dawn dreams of having a celebrity fitness trainer, in particular “Jillian Michaels!!!! OWwwww, Bitch!”
962. Dawn brags about attending numerous book signings.
963. Dawn is excited by coffee.
964. Dawn proudly proclaims that she has a palette for coffee.
965. Dawn “LOOOOOOOVES” the no name diners, even though she won’t eat there.
966. Dawn likes to take day trips to Sausalito, CA.
967. Dawn wonders what the exit song will be on American Idol every year.
968. Dawn admits to being scared of signs.
969. Dawn proudly admits that she loves Barack Obama’s hands.
970. Dawn owns the Starbucks calorie book.
971. Dawn spends time on the internet researching calorie books for all restaurants.
972. Dawn cries to herself while cooking bacon for her husband.
973. Dawn says that “doughnuts come from the devil”.
974. Dawn wants to feed the world’s largest hamburger to starving children.
975. Dawn believes that people who swear should put stickers on their elbows.
976. Dawn owns a copy of the Helen Keller movie.
977. Dawn memorizes how many friends that “key grips” have on Facebook.
978. Dawn greets people in the Central Time Zone with “Uhhhhh! Good Later Morning!”
979. Dawn goes to school because it’s something to do.
980. Dawn has a crush on ABC News anchor Sam Donaldson.
981. Dawn takes pictures of the thermometer in her car to show how “perfect” the weather is outside.
982. Dawn takes trips to Nevada City, CA.
983. Dawn thinks she hears horses upon entering Nevada City, CA.
984. Dawn solicits web sites that teach you how to run.
985. Dawn finds two-faced babies “fascinating!”
986. Dawn wants to e-mail Rachael Ray to give her tips on her hairstyle.
987. Dawn looks forward to stealing her father-in-law’s subscription of the AARP magazine.
988. Dawn finds ’40s style tandem bikes to be “Cool!”
989. Dawn refers to herself as “Lead-Foot Louie.”
990. Dawn scopes out air marshalls whenever she flies.
991. Dawn wants to put celery in pinatas instead of candy.
992. Dawn suggests that “when making love to Oprah, you should think of her heart.”
993. Dawn wants to attend and participate in the World Beard & Moustache Championships.
994. Dawn says the Sun and Moon are our clocks.
995. Dawn proudly proclaims that “He Who Dies With The Strongest Soul Wins!”
996. Dawn wants to go to town meetings to save small family owned businesses.
997. Dawn checks when there will be CPR training classes in her neighborhood.
998. Dawn wants you to print out reason number 995 and read it everyday.
999. Dawn wants to attend a wedding at Wal-Mart.

1000. Dawn says that enchiladas are economically friendly.
1001. Dawn brags about knowing where bocce ball courts are located in East Sacramento, CA.
1002. Dawn posts videos online of her showering to prove that she bathes.
1003. Dawn fears that someone will climb on her roof to watch her shower through a sky-light.
1004. Dawn can’t wait to read People Magazine’s comment section on the pregnant guy.
1005. Dawn proclaims that “Eh! It would be nice to live in the now!”
1006. Dawn sings the Coldplay song “Green Eyes” out loud, but inserts “Brown Eyes” in the lyrics to match her eye color.
1007. Dawn has the water proof breast cancer manual on how to check for lumps hanging in her shower.
1008. Dawn says that exercise is “nature’s prozac.”
1009. Dawn mourns over uneaten food at restaurants.
1010. Dawn daydreams about Harry Morgan.
1011. Dawn has nightmares about American Idol contestants committing suicide.
1012. Dawn cries when she gets in a fist fight with someone, and proceeds to apologize to them and gives them a hug.
1013. Dawn hates surveys that insist on a 1 to 10 scale.
1014. Dawn knows good coupon shoppers and will introduce you to them.
1015. Dawn sings “Happy Birthday” along with the television for the current Pope’s birthday.
1016. Dawn drives an extra mile so her odometer never shows three “6’s” in a row.
1017. Dawn loooooooves going to cemeteries.
1018. Dawn likes to show her personality through letters while texting.
1019. Dawn proclaims out loud that she wants the giant inflatable colon to come to town.
1020. Dawn says that Abba comforted her as a child. * Dawn doesn’t like bringing this up because it reminds her of when she was molested by her grandfather.
1021. Dawn brags about buying hemp cereal.
1022. Dawn wants to give sad poems about wolves to children.
1023. Dawn thinks that every company should hire an REO, a Recycling Executive Officer.
1024. Dawn knows by heart that egg whites have only 16 calories.
1025. Dawn googles prairie day laundry making so she can get the recipe to make her own detergent.
1026. Dawn loses sleep thinking about whether or not her house was built on a dump.
1027. Dawn worries about earthquakes occuring while she’s on the can in a grocery store.
1028. Dawn knows that National Prayer Day is May 1st or “somewhere around that.”
1029. Dawn thinks Jesus can inspire “the gas guy” to lower gas prices.
1030. Dawn says that sometimes the best ideas come to you in silence.
1031. Dawn would visit the White House if she had invisibility powers.
1032. Dawn wants to listen to Mindy McCready songs to find the hidden love messages to Roger Clemens.
1033. Dawn says “Woo-Hoo!” when anyone mentions left-handed people.
1034. Dawn brags about being on a spinach kick and eats it like a “Mad Dog!”
1035. Dawn “Boos!” beef.
1036. Dawn thinks that you can get out of jury duty if you don’t do your hair.
1037. Dawn “loooooooves” nutmeg.
1038. Dawn watches America’s Next Top Model and practices the poses in front of the TV.
1039. Dawn puts her half-eaten apples outside for the birds.
1040. Dawn refers to cars with giant bumper stickers on cars as “rolling billboards.”
1041. Dawn says that flat tires are “blessings from God.”
1042. Dawn wants someone to send her a tea kettle from Japan.
1043. Dawn thinks that chicken feet represent Voo Doo.
1044. Dawn refers to artificial sweeteners as “cancer sugar.”
1045. Dawn thinks that we should consult dogs about earthquakes because they are “experts.”
1046. Dawn says that “words are fists.”
1047. Dawn says that video games should only be sold to people with high levels of Vitamin D.
1048. Dawn refers to patriotic moments in movies as “Wowsers from Hollywood!”
1049. Dawn wants all gas station attendants to know they are important.
1050. Dawn defends her crappiness by saying “We need hearts in this world.”
1051. Dawn has often wondered how ancient people used birth control.
1052. Dawn Googled Jenna Bush wedding photos.
1053. Dawn hopes to achieve her lifetime goal of learning how to knit.
1054. Dawn warns people to have aspirin on hand when they knit.
1055. Dawn cheers on American knitters.
1056. Dawn goes to old western towns to view blown glass.
1057. Dawn wants to find out the history of jars.
1058. Dawn thanks Jesus for her legs every morning.
1059. Dawn wants to follow Arnie to the movie theater to turn him in for stealing.
1060. Dawn loooooves the sound of corn blowing in the wind.
1061. Dawn would feel privileged to have a handicapped child.
1062. Dawn worries about bees chasing her while jogging.
1063. Dawn owns a rooster pot-holder.
1064. Dawn brags about being cute and “rapeable.”
1065. Dawn shouts from the heavens, “I LOVE BRICK HOUSES!” and looks at them with awe.
1066. Dawn looks forward to the day when she can grind her own sugar.
1067. Dawn claims that “Eh! Hate hurts the heart!”
1068. Dawn refers to Spelling Bees as “The Sport of the Mind.”
1069. Dawn uses the word “legumes.”
1070. Dawn asks her husband often if she can adopt a mentally handicapped child.
1071. Dawn wants to get the family together to watch the spelling bee on a Friday night.
1072. Dawn thinks that “Shaking hands causes a sensation of love.”
1073. Dawn checks out the “Girls Next Door” forums.
1074. Dawn shouts out loud, “Ehhh!! Dead people want to kiss me!”
1075. Dawn claims out loud that, “Uhhh!! Kids rule the box office!”
1076. Dawn says that “Orchestras make beautiful music.”
1077. Dawn is saddened by commercials for bi-polar disorder pills.
1078. Dawn wants to watch a video of surgery on herself to make sure nothing is left inside of her.
1079. Dawn says when you’re 67 you’re vibrant enough to join a car club.
1080. Dawn wishes she could speak Japanese so she could attend a Japanese poetry slam.
1081. Dawn studies her map of time zones in America.
1082. Dawn writes down personalized license plates to take them home and decipher them.
1083. Dawn thinks the oil crisis is a cure for obesity because it will force people to walk.
1084. Dawn wanted to see the first Meet the Press after Tim Russert died so that she could get chills from his spirit.
1085. Dawn looks forward to looking at Rob’s shoes everyday.
1086. Dawn wants to refer to herself when she is in charge as “Marge In Charge.”
1087. Dawn thinks families who travel on segways are cute.
1088. Dawn loves books of photography.
1089. Dawn is very curious about Vern Troyer’s genitalia.
1090. Dawn wants to buy out all of the candy in the vending machine so Arnie will be forced to eat an apple she brings in for him.
1091. Dawn wants to email Denise Richards to tell her that her reality show sucks…even though she still watches it.
1092. Dawn wants to tell people who wear surgical masks that it is bad for them.
1093. Dawn asks herself out loud, “Am I going to do it?” while chopping up possibly salmonella tainted tomatoes.
1094. Dawn looks forward to what Rob is going to smell like everyday.
1095. Dawn wants to pet President Elect John McCain.
1096. Dawn loves the word “perusing.”
1097. Dawn wants to protest man showers because they’re not masculine.
1098. Dawn looks forward to seeing the Abba movie “Mamma Mia.”
1099. Dawn wakes up every Saturday and says “Oh my God!!! Someone’s getting married today!” and claps like a retard.
1100. Dawn thinks being called Senator John Edwards is a compliment.
1101. Dawn has a Thanksgiving family tradition of watching “Planes, Trains and Automobiles.”
1102. Dawn is the one who watches the show “Weeds” on Showtime.
1103. Dawn wants a geologist to tell her the history of rocks on beaches she visits.
1104. Dawn wants to check out “hyper-miler” web sites to see how they’re saving fuel.
1105. Dawn wants to bring a guy with cancer a positive quotation book.
1106. Dawn thinks she is going to die everytime she’s on the can.
1107. Dawn would go see dancers who tour around the country.
1108. Dawn loves antique fire trucks.
1109. Dawn wants to adopt a Chinese girl from Korea.
1110. Dawn says that she gets vibes from the sound of another person’s voice.
1111. Dawn reminisces about the day she reported on the death of Sam Kinison on the radio.
1112. Dawn impersonates a teletype machine.
1113. Dawn proudly proclaims that she is “Anti-Bacon.”
1114. Dawn wants to roll dice 2,000 times.
1115. Dawn peruses the Megan’s Law web site for sport.
1116. Dawn brags about having a 300 page book about how to swim.
1117. Dawn loves Yuba City, CA’s cafes.
1118. Dawn refers to Olympic Swimmer Michael Phelps as a “calorie” burning machine.
1119. Dawn wants to view all Olympic athletes in infrared.
1120. Dawn thinks of starving people while watching fireworks.
1121. Dawn cries everytime she drives past a homeless shelter.
1122. Dawn wants to learn the origin of Finland’s tradition of going to the sauna started.
1123. Dawn dreams that she’s friends with Jennifer Aniston.
1124. Dawn wants to know what Adam West’s fitness age is.
1125. Dawn owns a book of silhouettes.
1126. Dawn wants to see white people as slaves.
1127. Dawn watches the Democratic National Convention while on her honeymoon.
1128. Dawn wants to play tic-tac-toe with a chicken.
1129. Dawn wants to get the Rosetta Stone Chinese program so she can learn Italian.
1130. Dawn has a violin.
1131. Dawn wants a T-shirt that supports Barack Obama in rhinestone.
1132. Dawn rents instruments from Skip’s Music for the Friday Football Feature.
1133. Dawn thinks that frosting pens for cakes are cool.
1134. Dawn likes to visit porta-potties after they’ve been used by marathon runners.
1135. Dawn wants a national day of prayer to solve the economic crisis.
1136. Dawn uses the word “shooshy!”
1137. Dawn has nightmares about the gay marriage amendment “Prop 8”
1138. Dawn wants to learn how to surf so she can attend a spiritual surfing church.
1139. Dawn brags about interviewing people who went through the great depression.
1140. Dawn watches pre-Presidential debate coverage.
1141. Dawn fears that when she parks next a tree, the tree will fall on her.
1142. Dawn engages in smack talk against CSI spin offs.
1143. Dawn likes to watch Ralph Nader interviews on TV.
1144. Dawn says that changin’ up your voice is “fuuuun!”
1145. Dawn saves her Halloween place mats and live rotting pumpkins.
1146. Dawn wants to be a Japanese person after she goes to one session of acupuncture.
1147. Dawn wants to have a baby just to dress it up like a monkey.
1148. Dawn is a member of the Campbell Brown fan club.
1149. Dawn refers to competitive eaters as “throat-openers.”
1150. Dawn wants to see an X-ray of competitive eater, Joey Chestnut’s, stomach.
1151. Dawn holds bottled water up to the light to look for floaters.
1152. Dawn scours the internet for Desperate Housewife blogs.
1153. Dawn wants to renew her wedding vows on Halloween and say “I Boo” instead of “I Do.”
1154. Dawn wants to have a baby just to dress it up like a cantaloupe.
1155. Dawn carries pumpkin scented air freshener in her purse.
1156. Dawn wants to have a kid just to dress it up as a French painter or sculpter.
1157. Dawn gets excited when she sees official campaign headquarters.
1158. Dawn loves going to clock stores.
1159. Dawn thinks that dressing up like a TV antenna for Halloween is cool.
1160. Dawn wants to spit in her priest’s mouth.
1161. Dawn visualizes George and Laura Bush having sex (with people outside their bedroom listening to it).
1162. Dawn keeps track of all the results from the tests we take live on the air.
1163. Dawn loves the MASH theme song, “Suicide Is Painless.”
1164. Dawn shouts that the “Law & Order” theme makes her happy.
1165. Dawn wants to work the 15 Items Or Less line at a grocery store to kick those out who have too many items.
1166. Dawn wants to take a survey on what dog the President should have.
1167. Dawn sings “Y-E-S” when asked whether or not she’s fun.
1168. Dawn wants to be on a Twine Committee.
1169. Dawn wants to ice skate with a tree.
1170. Dawn proclaims that running in the rain is “Heavenly!”
1171. Dawn says “I wish I was a Jew.”
1172. Dawn wants to watch a turkey be pardoned.
1173. Dawn thinks about people who are nominated less fun than her later in her day, then feels bad for them.
1174. Dawn has a thankful book that she writes in every night.
1175. Dawn loves the smell of wheat in cookies.
1176. Dawn wants to hug people on Black Friday to make them happy.
1177. Dawn loooves to read Good Housekeeping Magazine.
1178. Dawn wants to be a mennonite.
1179. Dawn proclaims out loud, her love for bookmarks.
1180. Dawn says she “looooves spearmint.”
1181. Dawn wants to watch Seven Swans-a-Swimming.
1182. Dawn refers to her Christmas tree topper as her baby.
1183. Dawn says she can’t wait for menopause.
1184. Dawn prays for forgiveness after yelling at bad customer service representatives who have been outsourced to India.
1185. Dawn says it’s fun to make Chex Mix from scratch.
1186. Dawn memorializes her dead father by going to rodeos in Bishop, CA.
1187. Dawn searches daily on Ebay for “Rob, Arnie & Dawn” related items.
1188. Dawn thinks about “Shave and a haircut, two bits” while on the can.
1189. Dawn wants to have sex with fog.
1190. Dawn desperately wants a Barack Obama action figure.
1191. Dawn wants to stand in the freezing cold to watch the president pick out a Christmas tree.
1192. Dawn wants to watch goats eat grass.
1193. Dawn goes outside and weeps when she feels the bad economy.
1194. Dawn loves to get tires as a Christmas present.
1195. Dawn wants to buy the “Mamma Mia!” DVD even though she’s never seen the movie.
1196. Dawn Tivo’s the now cancelled TV series, King of Queens.
1197. Dawn makes New Years resolutions on December 22nd.
1198. Dawn refers to the Antique Road Show as “kick-ass!!!!”
1199. Dawn brags about tuning into the Independent Film Channel.
1200. Dawn brags about her husband being a master at Skee Ball.
1201. Dawn proclaims that “being a virgin is cool.”
1202. Dawn wants to fly to Brooklyn to watch the “Barack-lyn’s” baseball game.
1203. Dawn wants to take her peanut butter to the hospital.
1204. Dawn wants to take home discarded food from Barack Obama.
1205. Dawn visits the 7-11 web site to see when the Crystal Light slurpee is in season.
1206. Dawn wishes that the show “Hee-Haw” was still on the air so that failed American Idol contestants have a place to go.
1207. Dawn gets worked up and returns $122.
1208. Dawn wants to hold prayer vigils outside the houses of girls who are selling their virginity.
1209. Dawn owns a kit to make guacamole.
1210. Dawn shouts “Yay America!!!!” when she learns that veggies and dip are 4th on the list of snacks that were eaten most during the Super Bowl.
1211. Dawn proclaims that she “Looooves the weather channel!”
1212. Dawn proudly proclaims that she “Looooves the weather!”
1213. Dawn wants the NFL to hold up a picture of Whitney Houston durin every national anthem performance.
1214. Dawn wants to attend a Joe Satriani fantasy camp.
1215. Dawn bookmarks web pages that have updates on heart disease.
1216. Dawn has dreams about our on-air contests.
1217. Dawn gives shout outs to Leonard Nimoy, and shouts “nanu nanu!”
1218. Dawn knows that the bass player for Joe Satriani was Stuart Ham.
1219. Dawn wants her vacation home to be a cave.
1220. Dawn likes to be quizzed at home by her husband for fun.
1221. Dawn wants to move so she can watch the Octomom with binoculars through her front window.
1222. Dawn loves the sound of nose trimmers.
1223. Dawn TiVo’s Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
1224. Dawn screams out with excitement for being frugal.
1225. Dawn proudly admits that she has a favorite costume shop.
1226. Dawn wants to find websites about being cheap.
1227. Dawn thinks that the metal band Slipknot is an orchestra.
1228. Dawn has a filing system for coupons and can’t wait to get her house grouted.
1229. Dawn brags about having her disaster kit ready to go.
1230. Dawn prays after watching any pornopraphic movie.
1231. Dawn scrolls down on news web sites solely to read the comments made by other readers.
1232. Dawn keeps an enormous amount of egg dye in stock at home.
1233. Dawn lives by the mottos, “Clutter clutters up your life.”
1234. Dawn is so excited to clean her cupboards while on vacation.
1235. Dawn dreams of vacationing in lovely Montana.
1236. Dawn sits at home and listens to her toaster working while it’s turned off.
1237. Dawn wants moms to do lunges down the hallway on their way to tuck their children in to get their exercise.
1238. Dawn just realized, at the age of 40, what the term “Up Yours!” means.
1239. Dawn is a dunce.
1240. Dawn can always be replaced by a pylon.
1241. Dawn thinks it would be cool to collect bibles.
1242. Dawn freezes egg yokes for future yoke recipes.
1243. Dawn wants to dress up like Uncle Sam and hand out hot dogs on tax day.
1244. Dawn thinks it’s cool to walk to the grocery store.
1245. Dawn says that hugs squeezes the sadness out of you.
1246. Dawn loves the word “peruuuusing.”
1247. Dawn dreams about chatting with Brooke Shields at a doctor’s office.
1248. Dawn brags about cranking up Jars Of Clay songs.
1249. Dawn looks up celiac disease on her spare time.
1250. Dawn refers to the recession as a “Bath of Sadness.”
1251. Dawn holds her heart during heart disease commercials.
1252. Dawn thinks it’s cool to collect erasers.
1253. Dawn shouts out loud that “I am my own fan!”
1254. Dawn thinks that Steve Martin’s bluegrass album is awesome.
1255. Dawn wants to tour a grass-fed beef farm.
1256. Dawn wants to have an Erica Badu hat so she can talk on her phone hands free.
1257. Dawn names her pets after Stevie Nixx.
1258. Dawn brews coffee a day ahead of time because she prefers day old coffee.
1259. Dawn spends her afternoons walking around spelling words in her head.
1260. Dawn wants a life lesson journal written by people older than her.
1261. Dawn thinks that shoes are so dirty that they don’t belong in the house.
1262. Dawn loves to shred blank pieces of paper for fun.
1263. Dawn proudly proclaims that her paper shredder “kicks butt!”
1264. Dawn Tivos Good Morning America everyday to see Melissa Rycroft’s report.
1265. Dawn has a list of when the Jehova’s Witnesses’ “End of the World” seminars are taking place.
1266. Dawn says she will drink out of a strange old man’s water bottle on the bus.
1267. Dawn wants to take a class to learn how to make latte art.
1268. Dawn wishes that she was a minimalist. (If this is a repeat, suck it)
1269. Dawn wakes up in the middle of the night wondering what the President thinks of Michael Jackson.
1270. Dawn hopes that she’s in LA when Jennifer Aniston dies.
1271. Dawn purchases the latest dictionary every year, then highlights all of the new words added.
1272. Dawn refers to boxing as “fisticuffing.”
1273. Dawn wants to snuggle with Jennifer Aniston’s dead carcus.
1274. Dawn cheers for budgets.
1275. Dawn weeps when she drives by mall parking lots.
1276. Dawn says that “World War I Veterans are KICK ASS!”
1277. Dawn likes breakfast nooks.
1278. Dawn proclaims loudly that she “loooves hay barns.”
1279. Dawn gets excited about Joan Rivers being in town.
1280. Dawn loves talking to her bank teller.
1281. Dawn thinks that knees are “SEXY!”
1282. Dawn proudly proclaims that she looks in the mirror every morning and says “I Love Rob!”
1283. Dawn admires rabbits.
1284. Dawn watches British parliament on TV, and thinks it’s court.
1285. Dawn thinks about farmers every morning when she wakes up.
1286. Dawn couldn’t wait to get out of the house at 18 to clean her own house.
1287. Dawn misses her shower curtains.
1288. Dawn shouts out “I like choreographers!”
1289. Dawn shouts to the heavens, “I want to learn to knit soooo bad!”
1290. Dawn worries about getting hog flu from magazines.
1291. Dawn measures her own vomit with measuring cups.
1292. Dawn gets tested for Vitamin D while on vacation.
1293. Dawn hopes and prays that she will be able to run at 70.
1294. Dawn looks forward to her friend’s funerals.
1295. Dawn loooooves carousels!
1296. Dawn caters Mary Kay parties with canned key lime pie.
1297. Dawn is going to buy a lamp to replace the sun.
1298. Dawn wants to bike to her junior college reunion.
1299. Dawn loves to report on the Daytime Emmys even though she doesn’t watch them.
1300. Dawn loooves to look underneath strangers toilets.
1301. Dawn has officially announced the title of her auto-biography, “I Am Someone To Me”
1302. Dawn wishes for an electrical fire so she can hire an electrician to fix it.
1303. Dawn writes letters to the President’s dogs.
1304. Dawn wants to live in a brick house.
1305. Dawn uses the word “Yum-O” to descrive tomato soup.
1306. Dawn says that store-bought salad dressing is “The Devil.”
1307. Dawn says all floor mats are bad.
1308. Dawn wants to be assigned to the White House pool reporter staff.
1309. Dawn wants to move to Montana because she thinks that wild buffalos run general stores there.
1310. Dawn wants to stand in the meat section of the grocery store and police meat thieves.
1311. Dawn refers to real sewing machines as “Bad Ass!”
1312. Dawn loves Courtney Cox’s underarm jiggle.
1313. Dawn wants to collect and eat Barack Obama’s hair.
1314. Dawn yearns to be an extra in a Crest toothpaste commercial with Ryan Seacrest.
1315. Dawn wants the president’s wife to taste her cucumbers.
1316. Dawn air-high-fives bulemics while shouting “High-Five Bulemics!”
1317. Dawn can’t wait to watch the documentary on Dick Clark.
1318. Dawn wants to go to a deep south church so she can boogie with the choir.
1319. Dawn takes a mat outside to do sit-ups in the backyard.
1320. Dawn tells horrible stories.
1321. Dawn gets giddy over Michael’s Craft Store.
1322. Dawn loves hot flashes because they make her appreciate Winter more.
1323. Dawn thinks putting clothes on a closet shelf is fun!
1324. Dawn likes the feel of pumpkin guts.
1325. Dawn wants to grow pumpkins as large as Arnie’s ass.
1326. Dawn cheers pumpkin carving.
1327. Dawn knows people who dress up pumpkins with hats and scarfs.
1328. Dawn reads Eleanor Roosevelt quotes for fun.
1329. Dawn wants to go to Texas just to tour a Wal-Mart.
1330. Dawn feels the need to explain that the show “Wife Swap” is about two families that swap wives.
1331. Dawn dreams of being bedridden while sitting on the can.
1332. Dawn is envious of people who can read a novel in one day.
1333. Dawn wants to take her cats hiking.
1334. Dawn watches documentaries on roller-coasters and fat people.
1335. Dawn wants to see an interview of Albert Einstein’s descendants.
1336. Dawn wants to go to McDonald’s to listen to rap.
1337. Dawn jumps rope while watching TV.
1338. Dawn wants to find the world’s largest rubber band ball Google Earth.
1339. Dawn knows exactly where the world’s largest thermometer is located.
1340. Dawn wants to cut down trees because she believes rapists are hiding behind them.
1341. Dawn wants a gift pack filled with bubble wrap for Christmas.
1342. Dawn claims to be the Yo-Yo queen.
1343. Dawn cries at the zoo.
1344. Dawn looks forward to seeing what shirt and tie Rob wears everyday.
1345. Dawn wants to play a video game that’s based on shaking hands with people.
1346. Dawn brags about being the only person who loves Amanda Peet.
1347. Dawn meditates in the bathroom during commercial breaks.
1348. Dawn dreams of making $5 a day doing jury duty.
1349. Dawn loves tent parties.
1350. Dawn loves coffee grounds in her coffee.
1351. Dawn describes standing in line on Black Friday as “Living On The Edge!”
1352. Dawn likes to match her tea color to her outfit color.
1353. Dawn goes to BonnieHunt.com to find out what time the show is on.
1354. Dawn tivos Jenny McCarthy’s movies “Santa Baby” and “Santa Baby 2.”
1355. Dawn “loves and reveres” Sinbad.
1356. Dawn loves dares.
1357. Dawn thinks day planners are beautiful.
1358. Dawn prays at amusement parks.
1359. Dawn wants to write Heidi Montag a personal letter to help her feel better about her failing pop CD.
1360. Dawn hates fat people.
1361. Dawn mutes the super bowl to talk about abortion.
1362. Dawn has viewing parties to watch the burning bed.
1363. Dawn is studying to be a Tibetan monk.
1364. Dawn is obsessed with Diane Sawyer.
1365. Dawn prays for dial tones.
1366. Dawn wants a bowl of cereal in bed for Valentine’s Day.
1367. Dawn wants to make valet parking a family outing.
1368. Dawn loves balancing games.
1369. Dawn brags about being obsessed with judges.
1370. Dawn asks Google if she is Jewish.
1371. Dawn owns a book on decluttering, but cannot find it.
1372. Dawn wants to see more stories about kids being mauled by dogs.
1373. Dawn giggles while jogging.
1374. Dawn wants to go to seejohnrun.com.
1375. Dawn owns THE BRAIN BOOK.
1376. Dawn refers to the video game Mario Kart as “groovy!”
1377. Dawn goes to day cares even though she doesn’t have any children.
1378. Dawn asks her friends to teach her the bible.
1379. Dawn orders used paperback books online.
1380. Dawn wants to own an anti-cussing t-shirt.
1381. Dawn keeps a brain fog folder at home.
1382. Dawn likes Diane Sawyer.
1383. Dawn brags about having liked Diane Sawyer since she was 20 years old.
1384. Dawn says Saturdays are fun because you get mail.
1385. Dawn has a fear of sneezing.
1386. Dawn Tivos the show Forensic Files.
1387. Dawn wants to be broccoli.
1388. Dawn loves doing genealogy.
1389. Dawn’s husband has a favorite gas station.
1390. Dawn loves the smell of fresh alfalfa.
1391. Dawn brags about owning a blue snuggie.
1392. Dawn wants to fly to Cleveland.
1393. Dawn describes the TV show Numbers as “comfort food!”
1394. Dawn does calisthenics while watching the Academy Awards.
1395. Dawn saves the receipts for boots she buys at K-Mart.
1396. Dawn brags about her intestinal knowledge courtesy of Dr. Oz.
1397. Dawn wants to taze a watermelon out of anger.
1398. Dawn dreams of meeting Betty White.
1399. Dawn is impressed by fast typists.

1400. Dawn thinks about Paula Abdul every Tuesday and Wednesday.
1401. Dawn is a communist.
1402. Dawn is afraid of subways even though she has never seen one in person.
1403. Dawn watches people who redeem coupons as a spectator sport.
1404. Dawn goes to the VFW hall to do research on the overweight people in the military.
1405. Dawn goes to VFW halls even though she isn’t a veteran.
1406. Dawn sits around and makes backup plans for when Rob dies.
1407. Dawn makes her own homemade trail mix.
1408. Dawn writes an apology letter to the environment for not using dirty towels at hotels.
1409. Dawn watched Sandra Bullock’s Oscar acceptance speech several times.
1410. Dawn wants to go to Wal-mart stores and wish everyone over the intercom a “Happy Day Shoppers!”
1411. Dawn wants the extended Census form to tell what kind of TV she watches.
1412. Dawn shouts out loud “I HATE AUTOMATION!”
1413. Dawn rents iPods.
1414. Dawn would run outside to take photos of a dead, bloated whale.
1415. Dawn says that being awful is “awesome!”
1416. Dawn talks about health care while having sex with her husband.
1417. Dawn would love to own a pair of plastic shoes.
1418. Dawn likes to stack paper towel rolls for fun.
1419. Dawn wants to be hypnotized so she can speak with a British accent.
1420. Dawn wants to hand out pamphlets to teenagers on the borders of Mexico.
1421. Dawn wants to use Rob’s 82″ TV to watch Young and the Restless.
1422. Dawn thinks about how Sandra Bullock is in bed on her spare time.
1423. Dawn is turned on by a man making monkey noises during sex (ooh ooh ah ah).
1424. Dawn collects keychains.
1425. Dawn comes into work while on vacation to deliver Easter baskets.
1426. Dawn thinks Jay Leno is sexy.
1427. Dawn refers to stretch marks as “scars of love.”
1428. Dawn has an on location problem.
1429. Dawn wishes to know currency.
1430. Dawn wants to go to golf courses to look at the dirt.
1431. Dawn calls antibacterial wipes “cute and cool!”
1432. Dawn loves soap bubbles.
1433. Dawn wanted to wait until 28 to have sex.
1434. Dawn loves shows about rape.
1435. Dawn went to summer school on purpose.
1436. Dawn wants a day with the Budweiser clydesdales as a gift.
1437. Dawn cheers for free sorbet.
1438. Dawn wants to see a picture of the woman’s arms who rowed across the Atlantic ocean.
1439. Dawn wants to own a pair of bamboo underwear.
1440. Dawn brags about studying human trafficking in America.
1441. Dawn encourages athletes to stay away from literature.
1442. Dawn loves to watch Elizabeth Hasselbeck walk in.
1443. Dawn sings happy birthday to our planet on Earth day.
1444. Dawn gets chills when she hears that Bret Michaels from Poison is in critical condition.
1445. Dawn has oranges that she says are “yellow in color.”
1446. Dawn says orange bell peppers smell good.
1447. Dawn likes to Google facts about Kirstie Alley’s children.
1448. Dawn says she would be happy to be fat to have kids.
1449. Dawn knows the year her favorite yogurt flavor was introduced (in 1996).
1450. Dawn is offended when people talk with their mouth open.
1451. Dawn wants to have sex with giraffe noises.
1452. Dawn shouts out loud that “being a dork is cool.”
1453. Dawn thinks that Martin Lawrence is hot.
1454. Dawn says “throwing up is a party in your mouth.”
1455. Dawn thinks cancer is beautiful.
1456. Dawn brags about knowing that Justin Bieber is left-handed.
1457. Dawn prefers to eat corn on the cob while driving.
1458. Dawn wants McDonalds to serve pineapple sandwiches.
1459. Dawn sings out loud “stomp stomp, clap clap.”
1460. Dawn says that “Bill Cosby puts the goodness in her.”
1461. Dawn describes a pig auction as “the time of her life!” (Even better than her wedding.)
1462. Dawn wants to be in a coma.
1463. Dawn spends her time researching artificial sunlight when she can be out in real sunlight.
1464. Dawn says puzzles are awesome.
1465. Dawn wants to rent a puzzle.
1466. Dawn celebrates her wedding anniversary at a video game arcade.
1467. Dawn gets emotional over chain e-mail.
1468. Dawn says that TV is her family.
1469. Dawn replaced rolls of stolen toilet paper at the radio station years after she stole them.
1470. Dawn knows that certain counties only allow two chickens per home.
1471. Dawn gets excited about salads.
1472. Dawn binges on wheat bread when drunk.
1473. Dawn dreams about running up a big hill.
1474. Dawn likes Bret Michaels.
1475. Dawn gives Paula Abdul a standing ovation when she appears on TV.
1476. Dawn reads about produce.
1477. Dawn e-mails The View to tell them to stop being mean to Elizabeth Hasselbeck.
1478. Dawn has her dreams analyzed by dream web sites.
1479. Dawn wants to purchase and play a board game about death.
1480. Dawn knows the current jobs of former spelling bee champions.
1481. Dawn sweetens her tea with agave nectar.
1482. Dawn hopes for a loved one to die so she can put their ashes in a tattoo.
1483. Dawn has dreams of getting botox, but refuses to get botox in real life.
1484. Dawn hates the name Woodrow.
1485. Dawn visits the Betsy Ross web site frequently.
1486. Dawn wishes that her wedding would’ve been held at a cattle auction.
1487. Dawn says that failure is inspirational.
1488. Dawn wants to watch a video tape of a lactating camel.
1489. Dawn orders ice as a main course.
1490. Dawn screams to the heavens, “there’s nothing like a fresh egg!”
1491. Dawn likes to curse at fruit when children are present.
1492. Dawn has a subscription to yoga magazines.
1493. Dawn claims that out of all fireworks, sparklers are the best.
1494. Dawn loves walking into stationary stores.
1495. Dawn shouts out loud, “Plums are fun!”
1496. Dawn wants to feed the world healthy cake.
1497. Dawn goes through fast food drive-thrus just to get salad dressing.
1498. Dawn dreams about oversized earrings.
1499. Dawn brings freaking fish patties to barbecues.

1500. Dawn wants to forego the fee of being a “rent-a-friend” and volunteer her services instead.
1501. Dawn shouts “woo hoo!” at the airport when her flight is delayed.
1502. Dawn brags about owning a “Rosie The Riveter” t-shirt.
1503. Dawn gets excited that she saw a human being with a map in their back pocket in San Francisco.
1504. Dawn does a frustration dance whenever her internet goes down.
1505. Dawn loves to get spam e-mail.
1506. Dawn is excited to share her middle name with a dead giraffe.
1507. Dawn drives 3-hours to Gilroy, CA just to smell garlic.
1508. Dawn tells random strangers that a pint equals two cups.
1509. Dawn says “Ooooh Ganosh!” without knowing what ganosh is.
1510. Dawn thinks fanny packs contain murderous instruments.
1511. Dawn takes children to the ER after they swim in a lake.
1512. Dawn celebrated her 21st birthday by eating biscuits.
1513. Dawn enjoys recording TV shows on faith healers.
1514. Dawn worries that a woman addicted to potato chips doesn’t have enough B12.
1515. Dawn runs up to actors and asks them if they’ve seen themselves in their own movies.
1516. Dawn loves watching vignettes of nursing homes.
1517. Dawn wants to live to be 99-years-old solely to lift weights.
1518. Dawn describes vomiting, paranoia and dementia as “the fun stuff!”
1519. Dawn shouts out at random times “Yay Gilatto!”
1520. Dawn does not know James Earl Jones is a black male.
1521. Dawn sings Happy Birthday to the Boy Scouts of America.
1522. Dawn searches out the online comment box for “The View.”
1523. Dawn refers to parmesan cheese as “death in a can.”
1524. Dawn spells fun “F-A-N.”
1525. Dawn refers to cigarettes as “hoagies.”
1526. Dawn digs it when convenience stores are forced to sell healthy food.
1527. Dawn describes food for the homeless as a “taste explosion.”
1528. Dawn loves the emoticon wink ;).
1529. Dawn likes to sniff bags of lemons.
1530. Dawn wants to experience a city council meeting in person.
1531. Dawn wants to clean other people’s light switches.
1532. Dawn believes an inspirational message is “every day you are closer to death.”
1533. Dawn is jealous of basements.
1534. Dawn wants to eat canned pumpkin out of Shep & Nellie’s food bowl.
1535. Dawn is okay with people killing themselves after hearing her on the radio.
1536. Dawn randomly asks strangers, “Have you ever been on a stability ball?”
1537. Dawn says that lemon should be spelled “limon.”
1538. Dawn carries a bag of quarters just in case she meets Mr. Twister the clown.
1539. Dawn says “I love atmosphere.”
1540. Dawn practices her pronunciation of “wolf” while watching vampire movies.
1541. Dawn thinks it’s cool to be sick.
1542. Dawn likes it when people have emphysema.
1543. Dawn would never go into an ice cave unless she had a peanut butter sandwich.
1544. Dawn orders her eggs at restaurants “well done.”
1545. Dawn strains her almond milk.
1546. Dawn records Joel Olsteen’s midnight mass every week.
1547. Dawn hunts year round for country Christmas ornaments.
1548. Dawn shops in the middle of the night so she can train herself on the self checkout machine.
1549. Dawn can’t wait to check out blogs where people argue about their credit scores.
1550. Dawn has nightmares about dust on her canisters.
1551. Dawn wants to own a dead horse.
1552. Dawn owns a cassette tape of Jeff Foxworthy skits.
1553. Dawn wants a boneless, skinless chicken breast eating contest with no ranch for dipping.
1554. Dawn wants to dress up as Dr. Oz for Halloween.
1555. Dawn keeps a Dancing With The Stars notebook.
1556. Dawn looks forward to Sunday school for the cookies.
1557. Dawn prays for Rob on 9/11.
1558. Dawn loves looking at pictures of showers.
1559. Dawn thinks about dead children when she plays bingo.
1560. Dawn likes to watch penguins die on her vacation.
1561. Dawn practices saying the alphabet backwards.
1562. Dawn goes to a sandwich shop and orders produce in a cup.
1563. Dawn is sad that tests prove that she isn’t gluten intolerant.
1564. Dawn is afraid of garlic bulbs.
1565. Dawn wants to fondle statues.
1566. Dawn dreams of Andy Rooney.
1567. Dawn wants to dress up as the bad economy for Halloween.
1568. Dawn gets the chills when thinking about statistics.
1569. Dawn would drive 2 hours to take a picture with a pumpkin.
1570. Dawn offers lasagna to random callers.
1571. Dawn apologizes for using the word vegetable.
1572. Dawn fondly reminisces about oven mits.
1573. Dawn married a minimalist.
1574. Dawn wants to put flamingos in people’s yards.
1575. Dawn was traumatized after learning that mountain goats are not unicorns.
1576. Dawn loves to lecture people on changing their minds.
1577. Dawn has a hug for everyone who eats asparagus.
1578. Dawn loves people with warm hands.
1579. Dawn thinks that goats would make for great radio.
1580. Dawn likes to sneer at white property owners.
1581. Dawn would rather be dead than a dumbass.
1582. Dawn randomly shouts out “You’re an inspiration, Walter!”
1583. Dawn says that “It feels good, to feel good.”
1584. Dawn wishes she could marry broccoli.
1585. Dawn gets joy from architectural drawings.
1586. Dawn wants a heater for her goats.
1587. Dawn proudly shouts, “I love Meredith Vieira!”
1588. Dawn wants to hang pictures of cows in her office.
1589. Dawn watches specials about church volunteers at 3am.
1590. Dawn looks forward to interview jerks.
1591. Dawn says it’s okay to have aids.
1592. Dawn likes to watch programs about women who get raped repeatedly by their fathers.
1593. Dawn says her favorite quality is perserverance.
1594. Dawn shouts out randomly that she loves dieticians.
1595. Dawn likes to lick raw and uncooked turkeys.
1596. Dawn thinks fish breathe air.
1597. Dawn likes to regift anthrax for the holidays.
1598. Dawn likes to sit down and talk to her underage nieces about drugs.
1599. Dawn drives around at night looking for random SUVs.
1600. Dawn likes to research pigs.
1601. Dawn wants learn how to knit so she can make sweaters for hens.
1602. Dawn does calf raises while wrapping presents.
1603. Dawn randomly looks at photos of Pearl Harbor.
1604. Dawn says her favorite thing in the world is shouting out “New York City.”
1605. Dawn talks out loud in grocery stores to magazines.
1606. Dawn loves hospitals.
1607. Dawn intentionally makes horrible holiday memories that she can reminisce about later.
1608. Dawn likes to call and talk to random unemployed strangers.
1609. Dawn walks by random offices just to look at chairs.
1610. Dawn loves to watch commercials about dairy farmers.
1611. Dawn wants to be a guest on the talk show, “The Talk”
1612. Dawn brings a change of outfits for our annual Christmas show.
1613. Dawn describes it as “fun” when people say “what” to her.
1614. Dawn wants to be a dead dog’s friend on Facebook.
1615. Dawn loves carbonation when she’s drinking.
1616. Dawn cheats at home on the “Guess What Dick Clark Is Saying?” quiz.
1617. Dawn gets upset when she doesn’t have a straw.
1618. Dawn has a favorite water bottle.
1619. Dawn keeps a pair of dirty panties in her desk drawer.
1620. Dawn keeps dead rats as pets.
1621. Dawn collects pictures of examined colons.
1622. Dawn TiVos macaroni and cheese commercials.
1623. Dawn likes to read poems after national tragedies.
1624. Dawn says that it pains her to draw the right conclusion.
1625. Dawn desperately wants to meet people who turn their Toyota sedans into 4×4’s.
1626. Dawn gets the chills from wings made of cardboard.
1627. Dawn randomly visits abortion clinics.
1628. Dawn likes to hold men’s shoes.
1629. Dawn likes to watch memorial services on YouTube.
1630. Dawn has fond memories of maps.
1631. Dawn has a constant hemorrhoid which she has named.
1632. Dawn wants to measure the amount of ounces in a venti cup from Starbucks.
1633. Dawn googles random chicken sounds.
1634. Dawn often day dreams of fitness guru Jack LaLanne.
1635. Dawn proclaims out loud “I love therapists!”
1636. Dawn shouts out loud that Ty Pennington “Rocks!”
1637. Dawn refers to cars on front lawns of homes as museums.
1638. Dawn googles what millionaires first jobs were.
1639. Dawn goes to the bathroom to listen to impersanators.
1640. Dawn asks random questions about tapenade.
1641. Dawn would rather be a mom to pigs and goats than a human child.
1642. Dawn wakes up to the theme of MASH.
1643. Dawn likes to randomly sit and stare at red carpets.
1644. Dawn says that anything can be more fun by adding feta cheese.
1645. Dawn thinks that abusing rodents is like the Super Bowl.
1646. Dawn gives herself high-fives in the mirror after someone dies.
1647. Dawn gets freaked out over seating shortages.
1648. Dawn thinks that a towel can cure autism.
1649. Dawn enjoys attending crying retreats.
1650. Dawn describes the combination of italian sparkling water and pomegranate juice as fun.
1651. Dawn says that farmer’s markets are “the way to go!”
1652. Dawn visits worldguy.org.
1653. Dawn wants doors to be able to say “Good Morning” to people.
1654. Dawn describes a funeral in Maui on Valentine’s Day as “pretty.”
1655. Dawn thinks that the smell of flowers is more important than the birth of a child.
1656. Dawn thinks Valentine’s Day is biological.
1657. Dawn dreamed of adopting a child at 7-years-old.
1658. Dawn likes to drink her beer hot.
1659. Dawn refers to cook Paula Deen as her sister.
1660. Dawn knows when Ken & Barbie broke up.
1661. Dawn wants to visit alzheimers patients and read them stories of their lives which they have forgotten.
1662. Dawn thinks that taking pictures should be apart of a triathlon.
1663. Dawn wants to die a slow death.
1664. Dawn has friends that are “into numbers.”
1665. Dawn encourages serial killers to be the best they can be.
1666. Dawn wants to come out of Mariah Carey’s belly.
1667. Dawn cries at Michael Bolton songs.
1668. Dawn goes on random hateful rants about lemon zest.
1669. Dawn makes fun of stroke victims.
1670. Dawn wants a 24 hour TV channel that features pieces of eaten chicken.
1671. Dawn outwardly professes her love for Piers Morgan.
1672. Dawn brags about being a puppet.
1673. Dawn says consignment stores are “fancy.”
1674. Dawn thinks yard sticks and erasers cause depression.
1675. Dawn likes it when former Dr. Rob patients write back in.
1676. Dawn plans on waiting around for nothing.
1677. Dawn refers to Christina Aguilera becoming a judge on “The Voice” as a downward dog.
1678. Dawn counts out the amount of black actors at the Academy Awards.
1679. Dawn says the greatest feeling in the world is getting away with shoplifting.
1680. Dawn shouts out like a 3-year-old “Oh Yay!” at Rob Reiner’s birthday.
1681. Dawn gets mad at herself for not being sick of Charlie Sheen.
1682. Dawn wants to see a picture of a 93-year-old bag boy.
1683. Dawn wants to send a Christmas card to a 93-year-old man named Mr. Joe.
1684. Dawn chooses her favorite TV shows based on the opening sequence.
1685. Dawn is bothered by letters reporting that we have new listeners.
1686. Dawn thinks it would be cool to teleport to Libya.
1687. Dawn wants to be invisible so she can get into the Pentagon.
1688. Dawn says it’s fun when Rob counts words.
1689. Dawn wants to live in a “kick-ass woodshed.”
1690. Dawn brags about sniffing oil.
1691. Dawn only shops at classic greeting card stores.
1692. Dawn encourages wild animals to come to her house.
1693. Dawn wants rapid death counts after major earthquakes.
1694. Dawn visits web sites of different cities to watch their live webcams.
1695. Dawn wants to watch webcam streams of cars driving by.
1696. Dawn regularly visits tsunami web sites.
1697. Dawn thinks about kung-fu fighting while pulling up her pants.
1698. Dawn thinks about the game Outburst while whiping her eyes.
1699. Dawn wants to pass a law to ban movies.

1700. Dawn wants to eat aliens for breakfast.
1701. Dawn is afraid of ferris wheels.
1702. Dawn is freaked out by escalators.
1703. Dawn proclaims her love for talking ducks.
1704. Dawn says the world needs stupidity.
1705. Dawn encourages deer to run in the middle of the street.
1706. Dawn gets the chills from iodine tablets.
1707. Dawn numbers her keys to match a master list at home
1708. Dawn travels from store to store looking for cheaper loaves of bread.
1709. Dawn thinks that Benjamin Franklin invented the light bulb.
1710. Dawn thinks that the person who invented flying is the owner of Mr. Ed.
1711. Dawn has an entire room in her house where she lifts things up to the universe.
1712. Dawn randomly daydreams about Japanese people suffering.
1713. Dawn thinks the way to get revenge on a ex is by giving them gifts.
1714. Dawn can’t wait to die so she can sit on a dead guy’s lap.
1715  Dawn demands that people call her Knut.
1716. Dawn would rather kids live on the streets than pursue their dream of being in the olympics.
1717. Dawn thinks that kids who are bullied should committ suicide rather than stick up for themselves.
1718. Dawn is afraid to open cans.
1719. Dawn hates seashells.
1720. Dawn says that part of being young is dying in your sleep by choking on your own vomit.
1721. Dawn wishes she could go back in time to watch her father have a heart attack.
1722. Dawn says she would rather be an idiot than a coward.
1723. Dawn looks forward to celebrities dying so she can spend the day crying and watching the TV coverage.
1724. Dawn apologizes to counters.
1725. Dawn day dreams about a psycho sewing her mouth shut.
1726. Dawn thinks about Arnie when she’s on the toilet.
1727. Dawn wants to attend the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo, and has put it on her bucket list.
1728. Dawn likes to be called horse butt.
1729. Dawn wants to buy new dictionary’s just to see the new abbreviations that have been added.
1730. Dawn wants to put refuse on everyone’s burgers.
1731. Dawn worries about breaking down while traveling near/through the mountains of Nevada being subsequently eaten by devil worshipping cannibals.
1732. Dawn would shout “Go, Go!” if a shark jumped into her boat.
1733. Dawn wants to put her kids in a tub of ice every morning.
1734. Dawn thinks that fun stories have to do with people cutting themselves.
1735. Dawn shouts out loud, “I want to be 86!”
1736. Dawn says she’s a “hard walker.”
1737. Dawn thinks that Santa Claus is one of the founding fathers.
1738. Dawn has the countdown to the royal wedding hanging in her office.
1739. Dawn wants people to mail her gas.
1740. Dawn grew up wanting to be a ham.
1741. Dawn prioritizes her straws based on color.
1742. Dawn tells kids that there’s nothing wrong with genital warts.
1743. Dawn wants to travel to Mexico to high-five parents who keep their children locked up.
1744. Dawn thinks Jesus Christ used to wear a suit of armor.
1745. Dawn refers to the symbol of the USA as “Mr. Sam.”
1746. Dawn considers being bitten by bugs to be a workout
1747. Dawn takes flights solely to watch baggage handlers in action.
1748. Dawn says “Woo Woo!” whenever an 800 number is mentioned.
1749. Dawn is afraid to travel.
1750. Dawn says it’s good to go through life living in paranoia.
1751. Dawn dreams of a day where gas will be “3 something a gallon.”
1752. Dawn tells dead dog stories whenever Syberian Huskies are mentioned.
1753. Dawn knows that Whoopi Goldberg owns a heated toilet seat.
1754. Dawn can’t wait to sit on the toilet for 30 minutes.
1755. Dawn cheers herself on while taking a quiz.
1756. Dawn likes to watch bunnies covered in blood on TV.
1757. Dawn would use one of her three wishes to grow an apple tree.
1758. Dawn wants to see pictures of eggs in trees.
1759. Dawn wants to buy eggs off the internet from Germany.
1760. Dawn thinks you can commit suicide by cutting the back of  your wrist.
1761. Dawn prefers Easter dogs that are “bunnied out.”
1762. Dawn says fat people are so fat that they eat dirt brownies.
1763. Dawn has a sexual fetish for pork butt.
1764. Dawn thinks the Easter bunny’s name is Sam Cottontail.
1765. Dawn wants to fly to Great Britain so she can stand in line.
1766. Dawn likes to put cucumbers in her hot tub.
1767. Dawn listens to royal wedding coverage on the radio.
1768. Dawn doesn’t care about starving people as long as there is a wedding going on.
1769. Dawn wants to roll around in other people’s wedding dresses.
1770. Dawn says that “make-up makes bombs go away.”
1771. Dawn looks at pictures of fruit cake on the internet.
1772. Dawn gives standing ovations to her computer.
1773. Dawn makes her victims play with jolly balls when she murders them.
1774. Dawn says people who rummage through trash are creative.
1775. Dawn looks for rapists in bathrooms.
1776. Dawn wants to play a video game where you sit around a table and talk with family.
1777. Dawn thinks that successful parenting is tied to hate.
1778. Dawn shouts out loud, “Keep pumping, Dawn” while pumping gas.
1779. Dawn says “my biggest thing is lying about movies.”
1780. Dawn plans on wearing her wedding dress while watching the royal wedding.
1781. Dawn wants people to look out the window to see fake fireworks.
1782. Dawn likes the taste of wood.
1783. Dawn wants to get aids so she can get thin.
1784. Dawn wants her husband to dress up like a dirty needle.
1785. Dawn worries that Kate Middleton is sleeping well while going to the bathroom.
1786. Dawn likes to give random salads to her neighbors.
1787. Dawn wants to put a gun on the roof of her car so she can shoot down hot air balloons.
1788. Dawn wants to be a spokesperson for colors.
1789. Dawn cheers for surveys of moms.
1790. Dawn wants her husband to wear an Usama bin Laden button when he goes fishing.
1791. Dawn says that patriotic men are “awful.”
1792. Dawn wants grown men to feed their beards to children.
1793. Dawn celebrats Cinco de Mayo by running over children.
1794. Dawn thinks all female sportscasters have been raped.
1795. Dawn lives to make Whoopi Goldberg proud.
1796. Dawn shouts “Screw Dads!” on Mother’s Day.
1797. Dawn takes photos of her boogers.
1798. Dawn thinks Cinco De Mayo is the celebration of the Freedom of Information Act.
1799. Dawn likes to hold Weight Watchers meetings at Taco Bell.
1800. Dawn wants to name her children after soap operas.
1801. Dawn invites people to her funeral.
1802. Dawn likes to watch people sing inside of lambs.
1803. Dawn says that getting a full tank of gas is “getting away with something!”
1804. Dawn says rape is bad for your eyes.
1805. Dawn gets freaked out when gas prices don’t rise.
1806. Dawn says a lack of traffic makes her “have the eye brow.”
1807. Dawn punches the air when she gets freaked out.
1808. Dawn thinks World War 2 is “silly.”
1809. Dawn thinks we won the revolutionary war by not firing until we saw the “hate in their eyes.”
1810. Dawn says that people should marry rocks.
1811. Dawn visualizes herself as a dismembered Dawn.
1812. Dawn visits people on life support and does the potty dance.
1813. Dawn says there’s a thing known as the thin life.
1814. Dawn is afraid of open cups.
1815. Dawn likes to run into burning buildings to save makeup.
1816. Dawn says “Yaaayyy!” everytime photos are mentioned.
1817. Dawn refrigerates cat doo-doo and brings it into work for show and tell.
1818. Dawn loves watching midget couples eating dinner.
1819. Dawn thinks a party animal is defined as “a person who eats a potato.”
1820. Dawn regularly tivo’s programs on God TV.
1821. Dawn announces that her thongs no longer fit.
1822. Dawn learns how to kiss by watching soap operas.
1823. Dawn hates companies who give money to charity.
1824. Dawn yells at people running, “Hey, you’re a penguin!”
1825. Dawn says “holocausts happen.”
1826. Dawn brags about her thin knees.
1827. Dawn says that if you are going to cheat, it’s okay if the other person is more attractive.
1828. Dawn says if you’re going to cheat to do it in a basement.
1829. Dawn likes to take photographs of week old coffee grounds.
1830. Dawn likes to cut-loose on the weekend by having coffee and calling it “fun coffee”
1831. Dawn says it’s fine for a woman to cheat as long as the woman is younger than him.
1832. Dawn says she hates to learn.
1833. Dawn says she believes in the poof.
1834. Dawn yells “Video tape me!” when she’s walking out of a bathroom at Starbucks.
1835. Dawn goes to local high schools to count fat kids.
1836. Dawn wants to be held up in a bank from the 1800’s.
1837. Dawn consults the pope before making weekend plans.
1838. Dawn thinks that urban legends come from mouth wash.
1839. Dawn says that adoption is terrible.
1840. Dawn celebrates every night at 6:30 by saying, “Baby, we are still alive!”
1841. Dawn uses her fist to make herself puke.
1842. Dawn wants to live nowhere.
1843. Dawn wants to pull her car over and talk to billboards.
1844. Dawn wants to randomly hug broke men.
1845. Dawn says the supreme court causes rape.
1846. Dawn wants Bob Dylan to grow on her.
1847. Dawn thinks the word bum is spelled “b-u-m-b.”
1848. Dawn balls when she watches the Oprah Winfrey show.
1849. Dawn says that child labor is “awesome.”
1850. Dawn is against rebuilding America.
1851. Dawn thinks drug dealers are funny.
1852. Dawn says drug dealers should be in all movies.
1853. Dawn thinks babies come from stomachs.
1854. Dawn wants able-bodied people to get run over while crossing the street.
1855. Dawn defends license plates.
1856. Dawn wants to watch Bill Clinton alone for an hour.
1857. Dawn addresses the audience as “Whoever you are, person!”
1858. Dawn cleanses her soul with air.
1859. Dawn thinks Fast Times At Ridgemont High is an abortion movie.
1860. Dawn says she has been dating Oprah since she was 16.
1861. Dawn thinks 9/11 is a shtick.
1862. Dawn gives used Dust Busters to autistic kids.
1863. Dawn gags on water.
1864. Dawn chooses friends who exercise while they’re drunk.
1865. Dawn goes “Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh” while describing running.
1866. Dawn thinks Excedrin is made out of coffee.
1867. Dawn wants to smell like an otter that’s been eaten by an alligator and puked up so people can “like” her.
1868. Dawn encourages people to give up on their dreams.
1869. Dawn says children’s red wagons are “unsafe.”
1870. Dawn tries to stop a fight by saying, “Come on!”
1871. Dawn describes not killing people as, “Boring!”
1872. Dawn describes liking people as, “Torture!”
1873. Dawn spells OK “O-C-A-Y”.
1874. Dawn goes to Starbucks and asks to use their laboratory.
1875. Dawn thinks that if you’re stupid it’s okay to be put to sleep.
1876. Dawn says it’s wise to eat your animal after putting it to sleep.
1877. Dawn says that Dawn thinks it’s horrible that Arnie would want to spend one last day with his dead mother.
1878. Dawn wants people with diseases to suffer.
1879. Dawn says that being with her dead father again would be “one stinking day!”
1880. Dawn is thankful for disabled veterans.
1881. Dawn tries to find Jesus in counter tops.
1882. Dawn shouts out “Yes!” when she gets a wrong answer.
1883. Dawn gets excited about Angelina Jolie’s jam.
1884. Dawn says that “it’s great that America is being taken over.”
1885. Dawn says that hurting people is “Juicy!”
1886. Dawn advises others to name their food.
1887. Dawn wants to collect packs of cigarettes for the pictures of death on them.
1888. Dawn proudly proclaims that “wreckless driving is okay, as long as you do it politely.”
1889. Dawn says that what makes America great are people who hate the military.
1890. Dawn wishes for minor accidents to occur to 9-year-olds.
1891. Dawn says “I’m addicted to food” every time she goes to the bathroom.
1892. Dawn is scared of her own back hair.
1893. Dawn wants to watch people get raped with barbed wire.
1894. Dawn claims to be having withdrawals from the Oprah Winfrey Show.
1895. Dawn wants to hug an apple.
1896. Dawn thinks hugs cure cancer.
1897. Dawn thinks the Iranian government is “sweet.”
1898. Dawn wants to visit random family’s blogs to see dads dressed as pirates.
1899. Dawn encourages parents to announce their divorce to their child on the child’s birthday.
1900. Dawn thinks that Detroit is a foreign country.
1901. Dawn goes to Target when she has sore feet.
1902. Dawn says she would rather be dumb than old.
1903. Dawn considers it a compliment to be compared by a can of air.
1904. Dawn says freedom of speech “sucks!”
1905. Dawn loves asking unhelpful questions.
1906. Dawn says that when cops fire their weapons they shout, “Yippee-Yaddaly-Doo!”
1907. Dawn refers to Oakland Raider fans as “Black Holers.”
1908. Dawn wants to interview bags of manure.
1909. Dawn brags about owning a light house calendar.
1910. Dawn thinks that travelling to all 50 states is a great dream.
1911. Dawn thinks the word terrible is spelled “F-U-N”
1912. Dawn thinks the song Silent Night is “Satan’s song.”
1913. Dawn compares dogs being euthanized to the Easter bunny.
1914. Dawn thinks that meth addicts are hot.
1915. Dawn thinks movies about dead dogs are funny.
1916. Dawn responds to spiders by saying, “He he he he he!”
1917. Dawn tells listeners to light themselves on fire.
1918. Dawn thinks spiders can give people STDs.
1919. Dawn thinks the battle between good and evil is sweet.
1920. Dawn lets out a sexual “Ow!” when she finds out that someone had a stroke.
1921. Dawn doesn’t look good in print.
1922. Dawn thinks pulling over cyclists is more importan than stopping rape.
1923. Dawn cries every year on Flag Day.
1924. Dawn says, “the way to start the day is with breakfast halibut.”
1925. Dawn envies people who forget to eat.
1926. Dawn believes that people who short sell their house should be allowed to commit murder at least once.
1927. Dawn sharpies her gray hair.
1928. Dawn is terrified of people who need directions.
1929. Dawn thinks that people who only get raped halfway are “lucky.”
1930. Dawn goes to the bookstore to purchase books she will never read.
1931. Dawn thinks it’s okay to drink vodka gimlets as long as you’re not texting.
1932. Dawn thinks women who are raped should stab heart attack victims.
1933. Dawn calls information to find out where bums can shower.
1934. Dawn brings a knife to a chainsaw fight.
1935. Dawn proudly proclaims that she doesn’t care about radio, while doing radio.
1936. Dawn wants to be a private investigator for cakes.
1937. Dawn wishes that serial killer Ted Bundy was her father.
1938. Dawn refers to Fridays as “crunch time.”
1939. Dawn explains what deductive reasoning is on the radio.
1940. Dawn takes pills so she isn’t dry.
1941. Dawn says a horse would make a great father.
1942. Dawn gives random shout outs to John Goodman.
1943. Dawn says she cries when she can’t find her blue crayon.
1944. Dawn honors the death of her father by watching re-runs.
1945. Dawn says responsible parents put babies in ovens.
1946. Dawn encourages parents to not read to their kids at least twice a week.
1947. Dawn hates the summer because people lose salt.
1948. Dawn drives with zebras in her car.
1949. Dawn wants all children to put in shields.
1950. Dawn celebrates in applause when an addict has a relapse.
1951. Dawn makes idiots call the show.
1952. Dawn says she is not good with lengths.
1953. Dawn shouts out loud, “Democracy sucks!”
1954. Dawn thinks that t-shirts are a gateway drug.
1955. Dawn thinks about rape after a terrorist attack.
1956. Dawn pretends to be British when she eats cereal.
1957. Dawn says that rape is better than being white trash.
1958. Dawn won’t go to gas stations that have diesel.
1959. Dawn claims that Winco stores are “Fancy!”
1960. Dawn likes to marinate in her own filth.
1961. Dawn proudly proclaims that she “loves bathroom time!”
1962. Dawn lies to her bible.
1963. Dawn thinks the expression goes, “Take the bullhorns by the bull.”
1964. Dawn goes into porta-potties and pokes around with a stick.
1965. Dawn thinks human hands are made out of asbestos.
1966. Dawn thinks that being a criminal is a possible career choice.
1967. Dawn wants to read a book about regrets.
1968. Dawn wants to be a nurse so she can inject children with cancer.
1969. Dawn loses controls of her bladder when she sees skinned knees.
1970. Dawn thinks that Barbara Bell Geddes is the queen of Texas.
1971. Dawn wants to sleep in saran wrap.
1972. Dawn thinks basketball player Michael Jordan is a singer.
1973. Dawn says Dr. Phil “tastes like brownies.”
1974. Dawn says getting attacked by sharks is “a family affair.”
1975. Dawn says snot rockets remind her of being molested.
1976. Dawn encourages midgets to stay indoors during wind storms.
1977. Dawn thinks kids should do LSD & shrooms instead of PCP.
1978. Dawn thinks that the worst thing about serving in Iraq is the chocolate.
1979. Dawn wants to dig a hole and go to the bathroom in front of foreigners.
1980. Dawn wants to try gummy bear flavored turkey.
1981. Dawn refers to rape as a milestone.
1982. Dawn says ghetto is a race.
1983. Dawn likes to watch little children sit in ovens.
1984. Dawn wants to get rid of all laws.
1985. Dawn says it’s okay to cheat on your spouse if you’re never going to see them again.
1986. Dawn thinks of Vietnam when she smells cleaning products.
1987. Dawn thinks that men with alzheimers should be sent to prison.
1988. Dawn sabotages her husband’s DVR recordings at home.
1989. Dawn says divorce is fun.
1990. Dawn shouts out loud, “Sheryl Crow rocks!”
1991. Dawn says that “being a friend is equal to being a carpet.”
1992. Dawn has a personal motto that encourages people to “hate a cookie, not a person.”
1993. Dawn has a niece who performs abortions on birds.
1994. Dawn thinks that a cat’s meow sounds like, “ma ma ma ma.”
1995. Dawn hates to be honest.
1996. Dawn goes to baby showers to start fights.
1997. Dawn smells, she sucks, she’s hairy and we hate her.
1998. Dawn likes to hang out in the “eating disorder world.”
1999. Dawn thinks that Scottish men are cross-dressers.
2000. Dawn wants to know what kind of bird is on the Twitter logo.
2001. Dawn says cauliflower is ingenious.
2002. Dawn likes to take suicidal people out to lunch.
2003. Dawn advises people to “never, ever listen to a doctor.”
2004. Dawn talks to commercials.
2005. Dawn says death is avoidable.
2006. Dawn takes blood pressure machines to parties as favors.
2007. Dawn says that vacation is the time to give her niece diabetes.
2008. Dawn thinks that having freckles is better than being fat.
2009. Dawn refers to murderers as harvesters.
2010. Dawn thinks Danny DeVito is an NBA player.
2011. Dawn likes romantic comedies that showcase multiple sclerosis.
2012. Dawn tweets every time she hits a bad golf shot.
2013. Dawn pulls up a chair to talk to random grandfathers.
2014. Dawn thinks Powerman 5000 is a drink.
2015. Dawn wears loud shoes to make sure she is walking or not.
2016. Dawn wants to get aids so she can get thin.
2017. Dawn thinks that yo-yo’s are fattening.
2018. Dawn believes all kids should be put on leashes.
2019. Dawn says that birthdays are the time to be mean to people.
2020. Dawn smacks herself in the head when she gets phone calls.
2021. Dawn dreams of being sick.
2022. Dawn brags about being the most moronic person in the world.
2023. Dawn likes to swim with goldfish crackers.
2024. Dawn says cops are terrible because they’re human.
2025. Dawn “Boo’s” out loud at accomplishment.
2026. Dawn says all Christians are dead lays.
2027. Dawn apologizes for our success.
2028. Dawn says that kids who don’t go to grocery stores will become serial killers.
2029. Dawn refers to her “Aunt Flow” as “Ya’know”
2030. Dawn says all food tastes better when there’s a death in the family.
2031. Dawn says we should change Rob, Arnie & Dawn to “Someone.”
2032. Dawn advises people to put lit cigarettes in their pockets.
2033. Dawn says rape is “just life.”
2034. Dawn thinks kazoos are precious.
2035. Dawn encourages parents to name their children Goo-goo & Gah-Gah.
2036. Dawn thinks men named Asher are “oil men.”
2037. Dawn thinks automobile is spelled “ottomobile.”
2038. Dawn chooses to smell like death.
2039. Dawn sends dirt in the mail to kids with autism.
2040. Dawn says steam is “kick ass!”
2041. Dawn sends bacteria to sick kids.
2042. Dawn finds miserable failures “sexy.”
2043. Dawn says women hate to be right.
2044. Dawn thinks that people who have dedicated their lives to entertaining children are into child pornography.
2045. Dawn hates ambulances.
2046. Dawn wants her husband to cheat on her with another man.
2047. Dawn thinks the war in Afghanistan is an “uber-duber” war.
2048. Dawn thinks apes are bullet proof.
2049. Dawn cries every weekend over Heather Locklear’s declining looks.
2050. Dawn goes to Las Vegas to see a ventriloquist.
2051. Dawn says it’s rude to mind your own business.
2052. Dawn encourages fathers to watch pornography with their daughters.
2053. Dawn wants to be someone’s beard.
2054. Dawn calls rude people “meanie-moos.”
2055. Dawn describes smoking 4 packs of cigarettes per day as “pure heaven.”
2056. Dawn is convinced that people who work at concession stands at sporting events bring their own hot dogs.
2057. Dawn washes her clothes with nuts and bolts.
2058. Dawn loves small storage garages.
2059. Dawn says perishable foods are mortal.
2060. Dawn likes to travel to Iowa to stare at poultry.
2061. Dawn refers to children as stray cats.
2062. Dawn thinks the DMV performs home invasions.
2063. Dawn likes to attend rock concerts in storage units.
2064. Dawn says being an entrepreneur is “extreme.”
2065. Dawn says that “messing up is awesome.”
2066. Dawn thinks engagement rings from China are made out of carrots.
2067. Dawn says kind people are “floor mats.”
2068. Dawn describes the death of elderly people as “sweet.”
2069. Dawn says that families who have dinner together are “ridiculous.”
2070. Dawn randomly inspects changing tables in restaurants, even though she’s barren.
2071. Dawn thinks that Idaho and Indiana are the same states as Illinois.
2072. Dawn thinks people who watch the show ER know how to perform open heart surgery.
2073. Dawn encourages people to go through life living a lie.
2074. Dawn drives around asking people when Kim Kardashian is getting married.
2075. Dawn washes her hair with bars of soap.
2076. Dawn says that women who wear granny panties are good role models.
2077. Dawn says genital warts are fun.
2078. Dawn wants to put out amber alerts for lost money.
2079. Dawn punches bacteria in the air.
2080. Dawn would rather be stupid than be patriotic.
2081. Dawn thinks that being buried with a murderer is “nice.”
2082. Dawn thinks the American flag was sewn by Susie Ross.
2083. Dawn thinks that Sally Fields is the same person as Mrs. Fields.
2084. Dawn thinks the best way to start a business is to hold up a bank.
2085. Dawn calls the owner of Wal-Mart “daddy.”
2086. Dawn thinks the number 5 is hilarious.
2087. Dawn thinks Skype is an online chat room.
2088. Dawn thinks commercial building regulations are written by Creedence Clearwater Revival.
2089. Dawn thinks it’s morally wrong to clean your house.
2090. Dawn kisses strips of bacon before cooking them.
2091. Dawn has a fear of freezers.
2092. Dawn believes you can stop a shark attack by grabbing its hand and telling it to “shoo!”
2093. Dawn thinks all Subway sandwich shops are located underground.
2094. Dawn says that 9/11 victims are delicious.
2095. Dawn refers to the President of China as “China person.”
2096. Dawn wants to visit other states to stalk children.
2097. Dawn says hating America is “sexy.”
2098. Dawn wants to be a race horse after watching Secritariat races on Youtube.
2099. Dawn refers to going to the bathroom as “an incident.”
2100. Dawn describes serious burn injuries as “nice.”
2101. Dawn enjoys it when couples have problems in their sex life.
2102. Dawn loves grocery store sushi.
2103. Dawn says that yo-yo’ing is disrespectful to pigs.
2104. Dawn thinks it’s pretty sweet when teams forfeit games.
2105. Dawn visits web sites where fat women eat lingerie.
2106. Dawn thinks it’s cool to be unprofessional.
2107. Dawn laughs at people who have a birthday on 9/11.
2108. Dawn wants to burn down neighborhoods to get rid of snakes.
2109. Dawn thinks snakes have necks.
2110. Dawn likes to watch porn where plastic has sex.
2111. Dawn likes to make fun of little boys and their girly voices.
2112. Dawn dreams of running an underground sex slavery ring.
2113. Dawn holds parties for burn victims.
2114. Dawn googles Logan, Utah for no reason.
2115. Dawn tells parents not to read books to kids because they cause eating disorders.
2116. Dawn encourages people to hit their doctor.
2117. Dawn wants to deport abused children to houses in Mexico.
2118. Dawn celebrates 9/11 by trying on 3,000 pairs of shoes.
2119. Dawn thinks performers who butcher the National Anthem are “cute.”
2120. Dawn cries at Tyler Perry movies.
2121. Dawn says that beef fat comes from cats.
2122. Dawn wants all police to ride horses in high-speed chases.
2123. Dawn says it is a good thing when things get rammed down your throat.
2124. Dawn gets nauseous when paying for a haircut.
2125. Dawn advises people to bake with “pumpkin goop.”
2126. Dawn supports global famine.
2127. Dawn is angry that tomatoes are available year round.
2128. Dawn says bestiality is “the good stuff.”
2129. Dawn would rather commit murder than spend $100.
2130. Dawn wants people who have the will to survive to “just die.”
2131. Dawn thinks cutting off your own arm is “kick ass!”
2132. Dawn says vacations should be dangerous.
2133. Dawn refers to her marriage as “the relationship she’s in now.”
2134. Dawn thinks only sick people eat soup.
2135. Dawn walks around offering band-aids to random strangers.
2136. Dawn pays compliments to other people’s apperance by saying, “you should wear a jacket.”
2137. Dawn says that burying your own head in the sand is “a fun thing to do.”
2138. Dawn coos when people lie.
2139. Dawn wants to watch people try on condoms at department stores.
2140. Dawn encourages strangers to use curling irons in sexual situations.
2141. Dawn says that mental well-being is boring.
2142. Dawn boos laws.
2143. Dawn wants to give burnt flags to veterans.
2144. Dawn describes serial adultery as “sweet.”
2145. Dawn describes childhood electrocutions as “reasonable risk.”
2146. Dawn shouts “So what?!” at school zone speed limit signs.
2147. Dawn frames photos of carrots.
2148. Dawn says that people who recognize their addiction issues are “silly.”
2149. Dawn refers to married couples as “paper people.”
2150. Dawn wants to put a mechanical bull in her living room.
2151. Dawn encourages people to commit robbery as long as they don’t take the tip jar.
2152. Dawn likes to give birthday cards with decomposing dogs on the front.
2153. Dawn applauds the losers of fights.
2154. Dawn thinks assault is good exercise.
2155. Dawn tells the family member of a father who died of prostate cancer, “Boo hoo, you lost.”
2156. Dawn thinks that all air races should be viewed from out of town.
2157. Dawn asks grocery store clerks how tall they are.
2158. Dawn defends the intelligence of large metal objects.
2159. Dawn responds to the media telling the truth by saying, “Damn them!”
2160. Dawn doesn’t like listener interaction on “The Rob, Arnie & Dawn Show.”
2161. Dawn doesn’t mind cultures of hate.
2162. Dawn describes freedom and personal choice as “harsh.”
2163. Dawn says that family tragedies that happen to rich people shouldn’t be grieved.
2164. Dawn hates show biz.
2165. Dawn says that dying in your own bed is “sweet.”
2166. Dawn collects old newspapers with pictures of vegetables in them.
2167. Dawn likes to reminisce about her grandfather’s cucumber.
2168. Dawn likes the new version of “Two and a Half Men.”
2169. Dawn thinks hurricanes are caused by things being thrown into the ocean.
2170. Dawn encourages children to start stealing at the age of 6.
2171. Dawn thinks sand is flammable.
2172. Dawn daydreams about things falling on her from out of the sky.
2173. Dawn boos laws which limit DUI deaths.
2174. Dawn wants to rip funny children away from their parents.
2175. Dawn says there’s nothing wrong with being simple minded.
2176. Dawn describes a good day as “not waking up in a pool of blood.”
2177. Dawn would sleep with Hitler if he lost the accent.
2178. Dawn wants to catch a satellite with a net.
2179. Dawn says “dang it” when time is killed.
2180. Dawn googles inspirational quotes from Tommy Lasorda.
2181. Dawn likes to have ceremonies around toilets when rings are flushed.
2182. Dawn thinks paralysis of your ex is awesome.
2183. Dawn talks to her Thanksgiving turkey with a baby voice.
2184. Dawn asks pieces of paper to explain health care choices.
2185. Dawn refers to herself as a chicken.
2186. Dawn thinks that telling the truth is “irresponsible.”
2187. Dawn says it’s nice to get hit by falling space junk.
2188. Dawn boos people who adopt children from famine stricken countries.
2189. Dawn says she can’t help being grotesque.
2190. Dawn thinks that picking scabs solves the world’s problems.
2191. Dawn likes to have sex with her nose.
2192. Dawn says rich people are cigarettes.
2193. Dawn has compassion for cramps and not for life.
2194. Dawn tells those grieving over a divorce to get a hula hoop.
2195. Dawn wants to shave other women at water parks.
2196. Dawn says that the chicken who crossed the road is “courageous.”
2197. Dawn thinks that accidents can be prevented by wearing light clothing.
2198. Dawn thinks that only dark people get hit by cars.
2199. Dawn boos babies.
2200. Dawn says that it’s good and girly to not be self sufficient.
2201. Dawn says screw your microphone on.
2202. Dawn says it’s okay to eat canteloupe rinds.
2203. Dawn thinks that the sun poisons the Earth.
2204. Dawn hates when people in Chile get jobs.
2205. Dawn wants to ween rapists from their victims.
2206. Dawn takes her nephew to the airport to weigh him.
2207. Dawn says that if you don’t savagely rape your significant other you are a “bad person.”
2208. Dawn equates cutting your arm off to visiting Washington, DC.
2209. Dawn thinks the Washington Monument is no better than a boulder.
2210. Dawn says liver failure is a “paarrrrttttaaaayyyyy!”
2211. Dawn thinks man’s best friend is a goat.
2212. Dawn says that if you swallow chewing gum a watermelon will grow in your stomach.
2213. Dawn says that horror movies are no good unless they star Al Gore.
2214. Dawn thinks American companies put their money in soil.
2215. Dawn thinks abusing prescription medication is “funny.”
2216. Dawn likes to stare at children’s feet while going to the bathroom.
2217. Dawn says that when satellites are plummeting towards Earth and lands in the ocean “sucks.”
2218. Dawn says speaking out against pill parties is “unhip.”
2219. Dawn swats at the air when she’s confronted with facts.
2220. Dawn only talks to her husband on weekends.
2221. Dawn thinks the band The Fugees was better when the Dutchess of York was in it.
2222. Dawn boos responsible doctors.
2223. Dawn says that emails from Hitler are “awesome.”
2224. Dawn refers to people who get scammed on the internet as “mules.”
2225. Dawn wants to put Judy Garland wallpaper up in her home.
2226. Dawn says that acupuncture can cure a runny nose.
2227. Dawn refers to Susan Sarandon as “menopause lady.”
2228. Dawn condones the televised suicide of fat people.
2229. Dawn wakes up in the middle of the night to check the temperature of her chickens.
2230. Dawn thinks busses will land on airplanes.
2231. Dawn refers to herself as a “hobby farmer.”
2232. Dawn likes to watch television at Kinkos.
2233. Dawn says kids like to make cheese.
2234. Dawn describes ignoring people as “the best.”
2235. Dawn kicks dinner guests out of her home when dessert is served.
2236. Dawn expects her boss to keep track of her cycle.
2237. Dawn wishes for people to fall out of two story buildings.
2238. Dawn says motorsports are worse than death, rape, the holocacust, etc.
2239. Dawn soothes the children of their dying parents by saying, “cha-ching!”
2240. Dawn dreams of having a sexy man walking up to her and saying, “blah me.”
2241. Dawn dreams about body fat.
2242. Dawn thinks that having diabetes makes people fall over.
2243. Dawn encourages women to grow man parts.
2244. Dawn says that men can’t have female friends unless they are therapists.
2245. Dawn says that death is a good break.
2246. Dawn intentionally gains weight to look pregnant so people will ask to rub her belly.
2247. Dawn thinks cancer is a form of happiness.
2248. Dawn says that turning a hose on and off is the most important thing in the world.
2249. Dawn thinks the Beastie Boys are making a comeback because they were on Top Chef: Desserts.
2250. Dawn dreams about directing fat people to the fresh cheese in the grocery store.
2251. Dawn brags about watching Flo the Progressive lady in movies.
2252. Dawn promotes child labor in cheese factories.
2253. Dawn says child labor is fun.
2254. Dawn says people who know Led Zeppelin songs are the devil.
2255. Dawn thinks the prostate is in the man’s butt.
2256. Dawn says that people who use capital letters in emails are liars.
2257. Dawn gambles with non-existant money.
2258. Dawn wants people to call her stupid.
2259. Dawn thinks that heart attacks cause diabetes.
2260. Dawn writes notes to the parents of deaf babies.
2261. Dawn disagrees with Liberty.
2262. Dawn thinks it’s a good idea for Police to open fire at gas stations.
2263. Dawn says that a 90 minute drive is “commitment.”
2264. Dawn says the best thing to do when someone dies is open a bottle of champagne.
2265. Dawn thinks the following is a motivational slogan: “If it’s already bad, you might as well make things worse.”
2266. Dawn says that people who die in hospitals are “stories we like to hear.”
2267. Dawn says risotto resembles dead fathers.
2268. Dawn wants people to collect boot straps when they cry.
2269. Dawn has nightmares about the number 79.
2270. Dawn thinks cookies cause malaria.
2271. Dawn refers to RAD fans as “person listeners.”
2272. Dawn thinks about cricket brains while on the toilet.
2273. Dawn thinks the TV show “Kate & Ally” was about female cops.
2274. Dawn thinks it’s horrible to be a productive employee.
2275. Dawn thinks it’s awful that membership has its privileges.
2276. Dawn wants to use band t-shirts as life preservers.
2277. Dawn compares crying to eating disorders.
2278. Dawn thinks that tear ducts are filled with puke.
2279. Dawn is afraid to go to San Francisco because she thinks she’ll be turned into a centipede.
2280. Dawn says that spending time with family and convenience during the holidays is “no fun.”
2281. Dawn encourages parents to carve a pumpkin while reading to their children.
2282. Dawn shouts out loud that she loves mazes.
2283. Dawn prefers felonies over stupidity.
2284. Dawn discourages people to recycle.
2285. Dawn cries at s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-stutterers.
2286. Dawn wishes she was an antelope.
2287. Dawn ends every sentence with parantheses.
2288. Dawn tells people, “don’t believe in me.”
2289. Dawn blames bad callers on the economy.
2290. Dawn envisions burning streets while watching the seventies musical “Grease.”
2291. Dawn says the truth is “too much work.”
2292. Dawn likes to dip bananas in motor oil.
2293. Dawn has Betty Crocker bookmarked on her computer.
2294. Dawn thinks Elton John carries a sword.
2295. Dawn keeps a tally of how many times she is un-professional on the air.
2296. Dawn says pregnant women don’t mind being violated.
2297. Dawn wants to assault people from the Jersey Shore.
2298. Dawn likes to stick her nose in a spittoon while having sex.
2299. Dawn likes to wear eye glasses made out of fat.
2300. Dawn says that you should let all military personnel know when you’re pregnant.
2301. Dawn says that girls are afraid of candy apples.
2302. Dawn says that parental responsibility is a “cop-out”
2303. Dawn declares that Molly Ringwald is a weapon of mass destruction.
2304. Dawn punches herself when she doesn’t know the name of a song.
2305. Dawn thinks that crying cures suicide.
2306. Dawn says nose hairs represent soldiers.
2307. Dawn thinks that missing out on childhood is “amazing.”
2308. Dawn says that 11-year-old boys should try out for Miss America dressed as dairy cows.
2309. Dawn watches video conferences of airline executives.
2310. Dawn thinks Boba Fett is a character on the TV show Community.
2311. Dawn thinks children are parking spaces.
2312. Dawn thinks Geena Davis won World War 2.
2313. Dawn says that Little Red Riding Hood is good for kids because it teaches them to recycle.
2314. Dawn thinks people with empty gas tanks are survivors.
2315. Dawn says the show “Soul Train” was invented because she thinks Dick Clark is a racist.
2316. Dawn blames Butterfingers for teeth falling out.
2317. Dawn likes to pull her car over to wave and talk to trees that have been cut down.
2318. Dawn is sexually aroused by Christmas trees.
2319. Dawn says that education should be painful.
2320. Dawn says that happiness is “being on a board.”
2321. Dawn wants to block out the sun for the special olympics.
2322. Dawn thinks that diabetes is a menu item at IHOP.
2323. Dawn thinks interracial children are Pepperidge Farm cookies.
2324. Dawn thinks that tailgating is when you’re driving next to someone.
2325. Dawn says that being in a concentration camp is like watching the World Series.
2326. Dawn wants to order cotton candy that’s flavored like caesar salad.
2327. Dawn says that meeting Paula Deen is on her bucket list.
2328. Dawn thinks canines play baseball in the World Series.
2329. Dawn thinks candy bars will replace oral surgeons.
2330. Dawn checks with bears to make sure they’ve eaten their fruits and vegetables.
2331. Dawn says that if anyone disagrees with her they should be institutionalized.
2332. Dawn wants to take basketball hoops away from cancer survivors.
2333. Dawn says slumber parties cause childhood trauma.
2334. Dawn describes anarchists as “causing trouble people.”
2335. Dawn stays at five star hotels where the consierge is a pimp.
2336. Dawn wants parents to teach their kids to open doors for strangers.
2337. Dawn thinks poor people are lame for making their own Halloween costumes.
2338. Dawn prefers to have kids get in knife fights while trick-or-treating.
2339. Dawn thinks you can get pink eye while getting to know your co-workers better.
2340. Dawn is thrilled when she loses a quiz by more than half.
2341. Dawn communicates with zebras when she hears a familiar song.
2342. Dawn thinks that horses communicate via tape dispensers.
2343. Dawn thinks that when an artist unveils a new piece it’s called a “ta-da!”
2344. Dawn says you can get great workout knowledge while being intimate with a pumpkin.
2345. Dawn thinks people who have food allergies should have the motto “Trunk the allergy!”
2346. Dawn pulls into YMCA parking lots and hands out pencils.
2347. Dawn is terrified of pizza men.
2348. Dawn encourages wildlife to shoplift.
2349. Dawn heils Hitler at the end of horror movies.
2350. Dawn thinks Tim Tebow is better than Jesus.
2351. Dawn refuses to watch The Passion of the Christ because it reminds her of The Human Centipede 2.
2352. Dawn thinks Jim Caviezel is the human centipede.
2353. Dawn insists on having her own conversations by herself.
2354. Dawn encourages people to wear clothes made from leaves.
2355. Dawn begs to be put in the middle of a human centipede.
2356. Dawn describes the orbit of the Earth as disgusting.
2357. Dawn wants to buy fake jewelry from dead people.
2358. Dawn attends funerals to get jabs in on family members she doesn’t like.
2359. Dawn hides in a corner to smoke.
2360. Dawn says blind people love the light.
2361. Dawn thinks Jesus’ birthday is on November 7th.
2362. Dawn brags about checking her credit score every other day.
2363. Dawn puts strange dogs in porta-potties.
2364. Dawn describes looking at her own Facebook page as “taking one for the team.”
2365. Dawn likes to watch TV shows about goat trafficking.
2366. Dawn says that Christmas reminds her of suicide.
2367. Dawn thinks MRI machines cause earthquakes.
2368. Dawn thinks the best way to report molestation is to honk.
2369. Dawn wants to enter herself into a pig contest so she can win a blue ribbon.
2370. Dawn likes to smell vomit on a regular basis.
2371. Dawn prefers to smell rotting meat over broccoli.
2372. Dawn throws away a pen every time she uses an ATM.
2373. Dawn wants to spank her co-workers.
2374. Dawn wants to quit her job once it’s deemed successful.
2375. Dawn thinks Air Force pilots are cooks.
2376. Dawn thinks dominos and legos are the same thing.
2377. Dawn becomes deranged when posing as a birthday cake.
2378. Dawn thinks Chick-Fil-A is a Christmas restaurant.
2379. Dawn owns a vomit scented candle.
2380. Dawn only buys vaccuums on Tuesdays.
2381. Dawn wants dead people to give her cash for Christmas.
2382. Dawn suggests buying turkeys at sporting goods stores.
2383. Dawn collects Starbucks receipts.
2384. Dawn thinks the number six is indicated by two thumbs up.
2385. Dawn thinks stockholm syndrome causes victims to play board games with their captors.
2386. Dawn wants crow to be served for Thanksgiving dinner.
2387. Dawn strives for 4th place.
2388. Dawn thinks you fight the common cold by wearing a hat.
2389. Dawn encourages people to give new neighbors mesh instead of cookies.
2390. Dawn buys an airline ticket to yell at luggage.
2391. Dawn says incest is okay during the holidays.
2392. Dawn gets the chills when she hears someone has “hired an attorney.”
2393. Dawn says lawbreakers should get a free beer.
2394. Dawn thinks the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is like Al Michaels.
2395. Dawn gets a chest cold when talking about our Alaska listeners.
2396. Dawn thinks John Travolta is the star of Saturday Night Live.
2397. Dawn thinks sand is wood.
2398. Dawn wants to go on an airplane to watch herself crash.
2399. Dawn says the Muppets are the members of Guns n Roses.

2400. Dawn says failure is uplifting and inspiring.
2401. Dawn says dropping out of school is “neat.”
2402. Dawn indiscriminately shoves all sorts of birds into her mouth.
2403. Dawn thinks Christmas is like doing cardio.
2405. Dawn likes to go camping in hallways.
2406. Dawn refers to boys in college as “yawns.”
2407. Dawn hates people who order coffee at coffee shops.
2408. Dawn thinks the symbol of America is a horse.
2409. Dawn refers to the American economy as “that whole money thing.”
2410. Dawn thinks the American judicial system is “disgusting.”
2411. Dawn says rewinding her DVR makes her angry.
2412. Dawn encourages people to rob stores so that she can speed.
2413. Dawn gets excited by electricity.
2414. Dawn says the definition of fun is “blinking.”
2415. Dawn claims that it makes her mad when she mows the lawn with her chair.
2416. Dawn would allow an occutard to occupy her womb as long as they were clean.
2417. Dawn thinks the devil’s nut is worth every calorie.
2418. Dawn goes trick-or-treating during Christmas time.
2419. Dawn gets angry at gingerbread during the holidays.
2420. Dawn thinks Santa is rotten.
2421. Dawn brags about being a VIP at her local post office.
2422. Dawn thinks that because of the recession, Detroit has gone from “The Motor City” to “The Car City.”
2423. Dawn says that kids that fire firearms grow up to be obese.
2424. Dawn believes in Muhammad Claus.
2425. Dawn thinks that it’s okay for babies to play with guns if they are pink.
2426. Dawn breaks into random homes to look under their sofas.
2427. Dawn lives by the motto, “There’s a weekend this weekend.”
2428. Dawn wants to go to the mall to look for fresh boogers.
2429. Dawn thinks Rob is a bacon wrapped amoeba.
2430. Dawn thinks a household sponge is a form of birth control.
2431. Dawn says Chewbacca makes her hate Christmas.
2432. Dawn gets mad at the clothing store Hot Topic.
2433. Dawn thinks kangaroos are from Canada.
2434. Dawn thinks having cancer is a sign of good health.
2435. Dawn thinks nose bleeds are caused by tumors.
2436. Dawn says being happy gives dead people power.
2437. Dawn thinks that when military gets deployed it’s to its own butt.
2438. Dawn thinks that Mormons don’t know who Bill Clinton is.
2439. Dawn thinks that putting tape around a chicken makes it sterile.
2440. Dawn thinks bananas can be grandmothers.
2441. Dawn refers to the Christmas song “Silent Night” as “Chewbacca.”
2442. Dawn tips her hair dresser with bread for the holidays.
2443. Dawn complains when life is too peaceful.
2444. Dawn says that measuring your genatalia with a ruler is “honorable.”
2445. Dawn thinks it’s cute when people fail at their New Years resolutions.
2446. Dawn pleasures herself with a scale.
2447. Dawn says everything in the world is provided by maggots.
2448. Dawn wishes death upon dead people.
2449. Dawn tries to find people with bad noses while listening to happy music.
2450. Dawn thinks wine companies make taxis.
2451. Dawn thinks that a way to support our schools is to kill antelope.
2452. Dawn thinks that being a major celebrity is “garbage.”
2453. Dawn shouts out “Alert, Alert!” whenever she sees Santa.
2454. Dawn collects envelopes that say “Do Not Bend” that have been bent.
2455. Dawn never leaves her home without fake sweetener.
2456. Dawn considers growing a garden as a threat.
2457. Dawn says watching fat people eat is murder.
2458. Dawn thinks Bill Nye The Science Guy is stuck in a well.
2459. Dawn likes to watch people party in a parking lot.
2460. Dawn puts batteries in the freezer before eating them.
2461. Dawn stalks rock stars in hopes of finding a soap opera actress.
2462. Dawn thinks away Naomi Judd.
2463. Dawn wants to drink out of binoculars.
2464. Dawn thinks that the movie “Gangs of New York” is a Western.
2465. Dawn thinks Asian gophers love soup.
2466. Dawn describes parents who have multiple children as being “too Christian.”
2467. Dawn thinks ham has a face.
2468. Dawn gets mad at Arnie every time she’s at a gas station.
2469. Dawn thinks Rob Zombie is a classical musician.
2470. Dawn brags about not being able to count past 2 1/2 around children.
2471. Dawn pays homeless people $40 to spit on her car.
2472. Dawn celebrates her birthday by taking a hike.
2473. Dawn refers to the lead singer of Aerosmith as “that other fella.”
2474. Dawn thinks the word chicken is an acronym for “thing nobody knows.”
2475. Dawn describes the super bowl as “just two teams playing.”
2476. Dawn believes maggots are created from car collisions.
2477. Dawn thinks of “the bear” whenever a sports team loses.
2478. Dawn says that given the choice, she would wear cheese instead of a donkey on her head.
2479. Dawn wants to give contestants who fail on American Idol a banana.
2480. Dawn wants someone to write a book about tigers without talking about tigers.
2481. Dawn says that she turns off a TV when she gets sick.
2482. Dawn likes to fasten money in a child’s car seat.
2483. Dawn thinks it rarely snows in Alaska.
2484. Dawn drinks dirt juice from books.
2485. Dawn is shocked by rats that aren’t openly gay.
2486. Dawn apologizes to her mother whenever Ben Roethlisberger is accused of rape.
2487. Dawn refers to football players as cell phones.
2488. Dawn thinks NFL players are members of the mafia.
2489. Dawn thinks it’s sexy to spray water on houses when they’re not on fire.
2490. Dawn says that children who can’t do long division should be institutionalized.
2491. Dawn hates Rob’s wife.
2492. Dawn says that if you haven’t had sex in 8 months, you should hang out at a dump.
2493. Dawn thinks hypnosis is a swimming event.
2494. Dawn wants to spend Valentine’s Day at the Whole Foods deli.
2495. Dawn accuses camels of being con artists.
2496. Dawn thinks the St. Louis Rams are in Chicago.
2497. Dawn shouts out loud that she yearns for the days of Secritariat.
2498. Dawn walks around demanding that people look at her paper.
2499. Dawn purchases STDs in a can.

2500. Dawn wants to put Rob, Arnie & Dawn listeners in raviolis.  
2501. Dawn thinks that when you buy a ticket for a football game, you have to open your mouth and say, “ahhhhhh!”
2502. Dawn requests to see photos after photos are being shown to her.
2503. Dawn gets excited about the Super Bowl when she sees Matthew Broderick.
2504. Dawn wants to buy overpriced lingerie for homeless people.
2505. Dawn wants to go to Las Vegas to meet people from New Jersey.
2506. Dawn refers to quarterback Tom Brady as a sandwich.
2507. Dawn thinks former NFL coach John Madden is a camel.
2508. Dawn talks trash to unemployed zoo animals.
2509. Dawn wants to time travel to the 90s to get married on Super Bowl sunday.
2510. Dawn says Clint Eastwood speaks for the public.
2511. Dawn wants to see Nancy Pelosi perform in the Super Bowl half time show.
2512. Dawn says that people in troubled marriages should be served over ice.
2513. Dawn wants to fight with turtlenecks.
2514. Dawn says if you don’t worship a snowman you will burn in hell.
2515. Dawn would rather catch an STD than a cold.
2516. Dawn wants to mail iguanas to herself.
2517. Dawn says that without proper dog training, your children will steal cars.
2518. Dawn likes to blindfold crustaceans.
2519. Dawn goes through fast food drive-thrus to get a tablespoon of milk shake.
2520. Dawn says that husbands who are surprised by their wives on Valentine’s Day should join the marines.
2521. Dawn enjoys drinking cheap champagne out of toilets.
2522. Dawn apologizes to boycotters as she crosses their picket line.
2523. Dawn thinks you should wear a seat belt while playing lacrosse.
2524. Dawn thinks the American intelligence agency is called the CIFBI.
2525. Dawn thinks people who eat cheese pizza have an eating disorder.
2526. Dawn flies to Las Vegas to do yoga in the airport.
2527. Dawn learned how to start fires by going to match.com.
2528. Dawn wishes illness upon safe drivers.
2529. Dawn shouts out “Turn me on” when electricity is mentioned.
2530. Dawn thinks Jesus Christ got plastic surgery then wrote the show.
2531. Dawn thinks Russians live in gopher holes.
2532. Dawn thinks people suffer from PTSD because of ladders.
2533. Dawn thinks Charlotte Church was apart of the 9/11 attacks.
2534. Dawn says that when people break up they should throw dirt on one another.
2535. Dawn says it takes three people to have a conversation.
2536. Dawn thinks she needs to be on paxil because she has asthma.
2537. Dawn has a bible verse app on her cell phone.
2538. Dawn thinks that if you pleasure yourself you get a set of tires.
2539. Dawn thinks you become born again by passing Toyotas on the freeway.
2540. Dawn says we should all envy people with long lists of destructive vices.
2541. Dawn says God blesses those who self pleasure.
2542. Dawn Googles herself to see if she is an occutard.
2543. Dawn thinks Ronald Reagan was in Pink Floyd.
2544. Dawn thinks it’s fun to go fishing in swimming pools.
2545. Dawn says that the greatest movie critics of all time were Hiskel & Seebert.
2546. Dawn shouts out “screw you” while filling up her gas tank.
2547. Dawn likes to rape road signs.
2548. Dawn wants to climb “Mountain Rushmore.”
2549. Dawn thinks that keebler elves will steal your children.
2550. Dawn likes to go to a bar and order a soda and coffee on ice.
2551. Dawn thinks Producer Cristi is an evergreen tree.
2552. Dawn walks into restaurants to count how many booths they have.
2553. Dawn busy jewelry at feed stores.
2554. Dawn is STILL an idiot.
2555. Dawn helps snakes steal rental cars.
2556. Dawn would rather hang out with chickens than go to Hawaii.
2557. Dawn refers to joggers as “runner persons.”
2558. Dawn says people should be fathers at Taco Bell.
2559. Dawn goes around booing at piles.
2560. Dawn wants to go to theme parks to ride pumpkins.
2561. Dawn thinks Jon Stewart looks buff underneath his suit.
2562. Dawn has an Italian garbage man living inside of her.
2563. Dawn had a one night stand with evil.
2564. Dawn likes to watch desserts partake in mortal combat.
2565. Dawn refers to melanoma as “the cancer.”
2566. Dawn says that duct tape is all about karma.
2567. Dawn gets a frog in her throat whenever she fast-fowards her DVR.
2568. Dawn encourages Rob not to read compelling stories on the air.
2569. Dawn says testosterone turns men into books.
2570. Dawn yells at non-existant reptilian amphibious mixes that they are “not doing their jobs.”
2571. Dawn snaps at leaves.
2572. Dawn says Julia Roberts was in a movie called “Pretty Money.”
2573. Dawn thinks Producer Cristi lives in a pile of rocks.
2574. Dawn thinks that necrophilia doesn’t count as sex.
2575. Dawn thinks laws are made by throwing phones in the water.
2576. Dawn says that people who use the word “all” are dumb.
2577. Dawn wears a bite suit while feeding her chickens.
2578. Dawn says toilets should wear chastity belts.
2579. Dawn heils Hitler when she sees a rat.
2580. Dawn would rather wear a K9 bite suit than eat chicken soup.
2581. Dawn thinks chickens are MMA fighters.
2582. Dawn wants to eat crow while watching football.
2583. Dawn thinks that you fix broken escalators by having sex with them.
2584. Dawn actively blogs about chickens.
2585. Dawn thinks John Wayne was a black rapper.
2586. Dawn says the NFL uses makeup to protect quarterbacks.
2587. Dawn thinks her rooster channels Joseph Kony.
2588. Dawn refers to Peyton Manning as “the colt person.”
2589. Dawn thinks Reese Witherspoon is married to Jesus.
2590. Dawn likes to yell “wake up” at the radio.
2591. Dawn wants to go to Romania to take pictures of bridal gowns.
2592. Dawn thinks you can create fire by rubbing two bees together.
2593. Dawn thinks Thomas Jefferson is a former commissioner of the NFL.
2594. Dawn yells at her TV, “where is your link?!”
2595. Dawn thinks that “Gone With The Wind” is the only movie where people walk down stairs.
2596. Dawn thinks all bad boys carry around red flags.
2597. Dawn thinks prehistoric Earth was ruled by a dictator named Tyranic Saurus-Rex.
2598. Dawn wishes that she had children so she can smoke while they bathe her.
2599. Dawn thinks all crying dogs need a box of tissue.
2600. Dawn thinks football players scratch and sniff each other in the locker room.
2601. Dawn thinks the Village People are orchestra conductors.
2602. Dawn wants to get a tattoo of Melissa Gilbert on her face.
2603. Dawn thinks it’s “sweet” when fathers blame themselves for problems.
2604. Dawn says that New York City is a small town.
2605. Dawn gains weight because she hates freedom.
2606. Dawn thinks she commits trademark and copyright infringement when she looks in the mirror.
2607. Dawn wants to wear Tim Tebow’s cup.
2608. Dawn thinks winning street fights makes you better at basketball.
2609. Dawn thinks everyone in Georgia is named George.
2610. Dawn says people that talk during movies are “book people.”
2611. Dawn brags about how organized fruit is.
2612. Dawn hates her best friends every time the movie “Step Brothers” is on.
2613. Dawn apologizes to the country Sudan every time she watches “The Nutty Professor.”
2614. Dawn says only circumcised men can eat popcorn.
2615. Dawn wants to hide from Tom Brady in a panic room.
2616. Dawn says divorce is like a woman’s period.
2617. Dawn says people who pay their bills on time turn orange.
2618. Dawn thinks “Hotel California” is a rap song.
2619. Dawn says the letter “G” is in the word “Fun.”
2620. Dawn wants to fly to New York and applaud school test makers.
2621. Dawn thinks that neighborhood watch is made up of eggs.
2622. Dawn says neighborhoods that have meth in them are great places to raise families.
2623. Dawn wants to go to Iran to wish the president a nice weekend.
2624. Dawn tells mean people to just “shave your legs!”
2625. Dawn is upset because she can’t drink potatoes.
2626. Dawn says that getting a text message releases endorphins.
2627. Dawn salutes pilots as she deplanes.
2628. Dawn says if you want to get clean and sober to buy a plant.
2629. Dawn calls the zoo and asks if she is there.
2630. Dawn says that archery is called “bow & arrowing.”
2631. Dawn grunts out the NBC theme song (Ugh, Ugh, Ugghhh) whenever she grabs a shopping cart at the grocery store.
2632. Dawn washes her computer screen whenever she sees a germ.
2633. Dawn wants a perfume to smell like burnt human flesh.
2634. Dawn thinks grandparents smell like sulfur.
2635. Dawn vomits every time an 11-year-old moves to Sacramento.
2636. Dawn says camping at a KOA will bring back Jesus.
2637. Dawn thinks Rob is a possum.
2638. Dawn thinks that the National Anthem should be a song by The Fray.
2639. Dawn says that coloring dairy products is a “good time.”
2640. Dawn thinks garbage truck drivers are scientists.
2641. Dawn thinks Jesus fought ninjas in the Hunger Games.
2642. Dawn thinks Jesus will tweet his next coming.
2643. Dawn says the coach of the New Orleans Saints is a shark.
2644. Dawn carries hamburgers in her wallet.
2645. Dawn thinks Tom Byron fathered all female porn stars.
2646. Dawn would rather be in a plane crash than hit turbulence.
2647. Dawn would rather have cancer than see a beetle.
2648. Dawn thinks kids with peanut allergies turn into the Aflac duck.
2649. Dawn thinks Jesus was resurrected from the dead so he can do his taxes.
2650. Dawn has conversation with gas pumps.
2651. Dawn calls news stations to tell them how to pronounce caramel.
2652. Dawn thinks the show Army Wives is about kidney failure.
2653. Dawn thinks the sun is made of eggs.
2654. Dawn thinks the theme song for The Sopranos is Snoop Dogg’s “Gin and Juice.”
2655. Dawn says the Jodie Foster movie Panic Room is a love story.
2656. Dawn thinks that Kobe Bryant won the Coney Island hot dog eating contest.
2657. Dawn thinks God shoots people with a nail gun.
2658. Dawn thinks you need a medical marijuana license to buy books.
2659. Dawn thinks the pet’s name from The Flinstones was “the dinosaur.”
2660. Dawn drinks warm beer to keep burglars away.
2661. Dawn thinks Major League Baseball should govern Easter.
2662. Dawn thinks that in in the movie Star Wars, Boba Fett’s father’s head was made of ice cream.
2663. Dawn thinks the sound a rhinoceros makes is “grrrr.”
2664. Dawn wants to do interventions on helicopters.
2665. Dawn wants Christina Aguilera to call her a chimney.
2666. Dawn wants kids to stay at home instead of go to prom.
2667. Dawn believes there should be a specialized government agency to stare at trees.
2668. Dawn says driving on a coutry road will make a murderous person appear.
2669. Dawn says drinking beer turns you into the energizer bunny.
2670. Dawn thinks Conan O’Brien is married to a glass of iced tea.
2671. Dawn thinks about “fish woman” while sitting on the toilet.
2672. Dawn thinks that hemophiliacs cure themselves by thinking.
2673. Dawn has bestiality flash backs.
2674. Dawn drives in the slow lane to avoid the Bush family.
2675. Dawn wants to wear a sign that says “I smell like fish.”
2676. Dawn encourages stab victims to re-stab themselves.
2677. Dawn makes the sound “cha-ching” to represent no money.
2678. Dawn thinks that her faucet dispenses viagra.
2679. Dawn thinks terrorists should go fishing.
2680. Dawn thinks porn stars should think about their fathers while having sex.
2681. Dawn thinks sharks wear sheriff’s badges.
2682. Dawn thinks that Sylvester Stallone stars in The Avengers.
2683. Dawn says a 115-year-old man is the bomb.
2684. Dawn thinks Liam Neeson starred in the Naked Gun movies.
2685. Dawn thinks rocks being thrown on her roof is relaxing.
2686. Dawn thinks calling Arnie a “movie” is an insult.
2687. Dawn begs the country of Rwanda to “just give it to me!”
2688. Dawn thinks all nurses play on the professional football team in New Orleans (Who dat?!).
2689. Dawn wants a picture of a sleeping baseball.
2690. Dawn says that a group of men is a “gaggle.”
2691. Dawn believes that computer monitors are made out of paper.
2692. Dawn thinks Led Zeppelin is an NBA team.
2693. Dawn thinks that if someone is having a heart attack, they should eat a sandwich.
2694. Dawn thinks Russian roullette is played with dice.
2695. Dawn thinks that the evidence room inside a police station is filled with vomit.
2696. Dawn thinks that people from the largest states in America live on ships.
2697. Dawn thinks that May 1st is D-Day.
2698. Dawn falls over whenever she sees Jay Leno.
2699. Dawn calls dogs to wish them a Happy Birthday.
2700. Dawn thinks broccoli is inspirational.
2701. Dawn thinks the American flag is sewn with wheat.
2702. Dawn thinks that people write to our show using onions.
2703. Dawn thinks the roads in Wisconsin are made of potatoes.
2704. Dawn thinks the song Happy Birthday ends with “boop, boop.”
2705. Dawn thinks that protestors chant, “No more, we won’t go!”
2706. Dawn thinks when basketball players bounce the ball that they are “driveling.”
2707. Dawn says bee sting victims are immortal.
2708. Dawn thinks eye patches are scary.
2709. Dawn thinks that people with an iron deficiency are stupid.
2710. Dawn thinks fruit is the first superhero.
2711. Dawn wants to treasure the moon.
2712. Dawn thinks the state of Nevada borders Mexico.
2713. Dawn gets a stomach ache at the thought of immigrants becoming citizens.
2714. Dawn considers all obese people as “magic men.”
2715. Dawn puts band-aids on boogers.
2716. Dawn lectures people when they’re trying to fall asleep.
2717. Dawn thinks people are rescued from car accidents by the “jars of life.”
2718. Dawn thinks the state of Texas lives in her phone.
2719. Dawn thinks people eat leeches to get thin.
2720. Dawn thinks taking steroids gives you a big mouth.
2721. Dawn serves her guests apple pie that has been cooked in her dishwasher.
2722. Dawn celebrates Jesus by doing the dirty bird dance.
2723. Dawn wants to be raped by an Oreo cookie.
2724. Dawn gets her cultural education by going to the grocery store.
2725. Dawn thinks that every Fall housewives puts sharks in jars.
2726. Dawn wants to put Christopher Reeve in her dishwasher.
2727. Dawn attends role calls conducted by pizza.
2728. Dawn describes DVRs as an “American problem.”
2729. Dawn likes to be fist-pumped by super glue.
2730. Dawn likes to have sex with sitcoms.
2731. Dawn carries around a list of all the rude things people have done to her.
2732. Dawn says “You’re Welcome” to invisible whitewater rapids.
2733. Dawn thinks gasoline is made out of water.
2734. Dawn counts tractors when she’s trying to sleep.
2735. Dawn wants to get her blood replaced by cockroaches.
2736. Dawn thinks you can punch away herpes.
2737. Dawn wishes people a “Good Tree-ing Day!”
2738. Dawn has had her heart broken by dryer sheets.
2739. Dawn thinks all landfills are miracles.
2740. Dawn walks around proclaiming that “cheese is heaven!”
2741. Dawn tries to learn random Italian words online.
2742. Dawn wants to climb Mt. Everest to close the eyes of dead people.
2743. Dawn describes couples who wear matching outfits as “kinky.”
2744. Dawn appreciates Rebecca’s call.
2745. Dawn thinks ESPN shows highlights of the equator.
2746. Dawn thinks bread lines are better than anything made up.
2747. Dawn watches Santa Clause 3 whenever she finds out someone dies of cancer.
2748. Dawn shouts out loud “I love flavors!”
2749. Dawn thinks you can lose weight by soaking in a hot bath.
2750. Dawn hates the word receipt.
2751. Dawn thinks people used to communicate with Morris the Cat code.
2752. Dawn proudly proclaims her love for Sally Field.
2753. Dawn says that even she isn’t smarter than a Dawn.
2754. Dawn goes to comedy clubs to see cows.
2755. Dawn says it’s okay to eat a human face when you’re hungry.
2756. Dawn thinks attending a graduation is like going to a concentration camp.
2757. Dawn wants to fly to Texas so she can drive back and forth on their highways.
2758. Dawn thinks diesel fuel is homosexual.
2759. Dawn carries around a to-do list of taste tests that we’ll never do.
2760. Dawn goes to the bar to order morals.
2761. Dawn likes to go camping with Jesus in a cemetery.
2762. Dawn thinks Chuck Woolery hosted a game show called “Two & Two.”
2763. Dawn wants to swim in military artillery vehicles.
2764. Dawn says that anyone who loses their job is a “excuser person.”
2765. Dawn encourages successful people to “climb humble mountain.”
2766. Dawn thinks homeless people walk on their faces.
2767. Dawn wants to collect pictures of spark plugs.
2768. Dawn laughs at ham sandwiches and then forgets why.
2769. Dawn buys exploding tea kettles from Al Quaeda.
2770. Dawn says the thought of people drinking around her gets her drunk.
2771. Dawn thinks football players have children’s toys in their brains.
2772. Dawn thinks eggs gives you aids.
2773. Dawn says the reason people pick up the bible is Nik Wallenda.
2774. Dawn says that it’s impossible to have life without dirty underwear on the lawn.
2775. Dawn says that brain surgery is just like removing a splinter.
2776. Dawn refers to the medical field as “all doctory.”
2777. Dawn dries her toothbrush after using it.
2778. Dawn wants to take a vacation in a hospital.
2779. Dawn thinks the Beach Boys are fathers to tennis balls.
2780. Dawn says a great Christmas present would be to visit the deserts of Tunisia.
2781. Dawn likes to watch wax figurine porn.
2782. Dawn thinks you will freeze to death if you leave your cell phone at home.
2783. Dawn thinks track marks tell stories.
2784. Dawn blames her cat for being fat.
2785. Dawn wants to collect Tim Tebow’s hair.
2786. Dawn describes 100-year-old tombstones as “interesting.”
2787. Dawn says she misses herself when she is on vacation.
2788. Dawn disciplines her niece by making her watch terrible Jennifer Lopez movies.
2789. Dawn says being single and dating is like “being a dog.”
2790. Dawn pulls up to 18-wheelers, honks, and yells “Loose wood! Loose wood!”
2791. Dawn wants to attend a sex party where everyone is dressed like birds.
2792. Dawn pinches herself after she gets into a car accident.
2793. Dawn thinks practical jokes cover blemishes.
2794. Dawn shakes whenever she sees pennies.
2795. Dawn thinks Fast Times At Ridgemont High is this generation’s Gone With The Wind.
2796. Dawn says “Bye-bye” to dinasours whenever they are mentioned in casual conversation.
2797. Dawn thinks all rubbish and refuse in Washington DC is classified.
2798. Dawn thinks the creator of Apple Computers is an alien.
2799. Dawn shouts out loud, “Accountants Rock!”
2800. Dawn believes there should be no smoking in smoking sections.
2801. Dawn wants to stand on the side of the road and wave at an old man driving a Volvo.
2802. Dawn thinks EMTs spit on people to save their lives.
2803. Dawn thinks sticks are medical tools.
2804. Dawn refers to psychologists as walking commercials.
2805. Dawn randomly orders herself to “keep the box righ there!”
2806. Dawn gives a tire to her husband after sex.
2807. Dawn thinks the Amish live in the stars above.
2808. Dawn Googles Amish web sites on a regular basis, even though none exist.
2809. Dawn wants a barn star.
2810. Dawn has her cell phone clock set to London time.
2811. Dawn says “Hello, people” whenever she sees a USB memory stick.
2812. Dawn steals pens so she can get a free cavity search.
2813. Dawn immediately lies under a rug after sex.
2814. Dawn thinks that 2012 on the Chinese calendar is the year of “the big girl.”
2815. Dawn thinks computer parts deserve to go to prison.
2816. Dawn thinks xenophobia is the fear of ugly people.
2817. Dawn says cool gadgets make her stomach churn.
2818. Dawn says that “if you sneeze, bad things can happen.”
2819. Dawn thinks that an inspirational statement is “I suppose you can believe in yourself.”
2820. Dawn brags about being a lettuce snob.
2821. Dawn uses balls to make mashed potatoes.
2822. Dawn wants the following sweet nothing whispered in her ear, “You’re somebody to someone (just not me).”
2823. Dawn thinks trampolines cure cancer.
2824. Dawn loves the set of the Anderson Cooper show.
2825. Dawn goes to the feed store to buy clothes for her cows that she doesn’t own.
2826. Dawn believes you need a passport to go swimming.
2827. Dawn thinks logs have cancer.
2828. Dawn watches TV to learn about black hair products.
2829. Dawn thinks spiders in China wear glasses.
2830. Dawn apologizes to the state of Virginia when Rob hangs up on a caller.
2831. Dawn thinks being an alcoholic is when you sneeze constantly.
2832. Dawn thinks you have to have sex to join the Navy.
2833. Dawn brags about being the vice commisioner of crap.
2834. Dawn says drugs are okay as long as you’re under a tree.
2835. Dawn says martians celebrate Christmas in April.
2836. Dawn throws parties for her feelings with marinade.
2837. Dawn thinks musicians play fish.
2838. Dawn buys the new Madden NFL game every year to look for the guy eating a hot dog in the crowd.
2839. Dawn ruins our show with worthless stories.
2840. Dawn thinks about starving kids in Africa while pouring milk down the drain.
2841. Dawn knows when pigs are on their period.
2842. Dawn cried when Kristen Wiig left Saturday Night Live.
2843. Dawn likes to give elderly people pictures of bridges.
2844. Dawn looks at her TV and says “Make my day!”
2845. Dawn can’t wait to get old so she can become a mouth breather.
2846. Dawn thinks all conspiracy theorists carry around black helicopters.
2847. Dawn refers to herself as a hand grenade.
2848. Dawn proudly proclaims, “Whatever, I’m the zero!”
2849. Dawn takes pictures of her television when the DNC is on.
2850. Dawn hangs up her phone with her cheek.
2851. Dawn thinks the Founding Fathers are nursery rhymes.
2852. Dawn shouts out proudly, “barns are the best!” while announcing her barn party.
2853. Dawn thinks chairs cause strokes.
2854. Dawn mourns Lucipitamia whenever she sees Lake Tahoe.
2855. Dawn likes to watch tree porn.
2856. Dawn thinks Marky Mark sings songs about kids in bathing suits.
2857. Dawn thinks the worst put down to give a girl is “you have dry hair!”
2858. Dawn drives to Chevron gas stations to watch the sunrise.
2859. Dawn wants to find zombies so she can give them blankets and soup.
2860. Dawn thinks that the disease where you randomly fall asleep is called “nepalarpsy.”
2861. Dawn proudly proclaims that there is nothing wrong with the beginning of the end.
2862. Dawn says that if you have a 3-10% chance, the odds are in your favor.
2863. Dawn thinks people who are epileptic fall asleep at the wheel.
2864. Dawn thinks you get a discount if you kiss your coke dealer.
2865. Dawn tells snakes that “this isn’t your room” before stepping on them.
2866. Dawn likes to wave at planes and say “Yay history!”
2867. Dawn thinks all veterans of foreign wars drive Volkswagons.
2868. Dawn thinks the space shuttle is filled with gay horses.
2869. Dawn thinks a tiger’s job is to kill New Yorkers.
2870. Dawn says all cures offered by doctors are “mumbo-jumboey”
2871. Dawn thinks you can defeat the royal navy with a flashlight.
2872. Dawn wants to get a case of the hiccups so she can be cured.
2873. Dawn thinks getting hiccups is like going to church.
2874. Dawn hates hot tubs.
2875. Dawn wants to take a tour of the Jelly Belly factory to look at pictures of old people.
2876. Dawn wants to change history to appease Hillary Duff.
2877. Dawn thinks Ghandi’s famous quote was “Let the insects live!”
2878. Dawn says shaving a zebra will improve your time management skills.
2879. Dawn eats a banana whenever someone is talking during a movie.
2880. Dawn says omelettes are a “weekend thang!”
2881. Dawn refers to the 1998 baseball season as “The Hunt For The Home Run Thing.”
2882. Dawn thinks giant pumpkins bring back good childhood memories.
2883. Dawn wants a time machine to take her 8 seconds into the future.
2884. Dawn thinks maggots dial phones with their elbows.
2885. Dawn gets the chills whenever a military academy is mentioned.
2886. Dawn thinks the host for the show “Dirty Jobs” is named Job Rowe.
2887. Dawn, when being called naive, says, “Fine, I just don’t want to be naive alone!”
2888. Dawn thinks that dinasours used to communicate by saying “Howdy.”
2889. Dawn says eating vegetable skewers gives her a sore ass.
2890. Dawn vacations at a Carl’s Jr in the desert.
2891. Dawn thinks all Italians are named Mr. G.
2892. Dawn gives silver balls to kids for Halloween.
2893. Dawn decides who the leader of the country should be using spite.
2894. Dawn wants to roll Arnie up and put him in her womb.
2895. Dawn thinks the boogie man is a lawn gnome.
2896. Dawn refers to all baseball fans as rabbits.
2897. Dawn says her ovaries are made out of fertilizer.
2898. Dawn shouts out loud, “I love cow humor!”
2899. Dawn thinks you kill werewolves by giving them a Coors Light.
2900. Dawn bribes adoption agencies with farm fresh eggs.
2901. Dawn thinks afterbirth is called “the abdomen thing.”
2902. Dawn encourages divorced men to punch pillows.
2903. Dawn wants to arouse the Mayor of New York City.
2904. Dawn refers to herself as “the feelings stealer.”
2905. Dawn wants to see Mitt Romney in his underwear.
2906. Dawn says what makes America great is our access to ice.
2907. Dawn says that mucus tells a story.
2908. Dawn thinks Wile E. Coyote is stalking her.
2909. Dawn thinks Bermuda is in Brazil.
2910. Dawn pulls down her pants whenever someone says, “Is this the truth?”
2911. Dawn thinks people who go through drastic weight changes are rappers.
2912. Dawn shouts out loud on election day, “Here we go to the winning box!”
2913. Dawn wants to visit the town of Dixville Notch, NH.
2914. Dawn gets cold whenever she thinks about gay senators.
2915. Dawn says tube TVs make her sick.
2916. Dawn says gay people are “in the know.”
2917. Dawn wants to brine a tofu turkey.
2918. Dawn laughs at old men hanging Christmas lights.
2919. Dawn keeps a tally of rude.
2920. Dawn thinks it takes 5 days to go from night to day.
2921. Dawn does the sign of the cross when she hears about dead turkeys on Thanksgiving.
2922. Dawn thinks teenagers are cured meat.
2923. Dawn thinks teenagers come in original and teriyaki.
2924. Dawn cheers out loud while asking for homemade jacks for Christmas.
2925. Dawn wants to be the National spokesperson for cups.
2926. Dawn says that anyone that wears clothing is a “apparel person.”
2927. Dawn wants to throw bones at holiday shoppers.
2928. Dawn thinks the sound fish makes is “ump, ump, ump.”
2929. Dawn thinks the host of the Price Is Right was a police sergeant.
2930. Dawn thinks the act of having sex with dead people is nepotism.
2931. Dawn wants to knit a quilt that says “bells never age.”
2932. Dawn thinks criminals are thankful for pumpkins.
2933. Dawn thinks that whenever you buy a new bed you should be given cheese.
2934. Dawn thinks all lottery winners are farm animals.
2935. Dawn thinks Sophia Loren is the Secretary of State.
2936. Dawn thinks she hears things through her surprise.
2937. Dawn recites the Pledge of Allegiance whenever a man cries.
2938. Dawn describes obesity as “warm.”
2939. Dawn loves to take pictures of dew.
2940. Dawn wants to kick logic a field goal.
2941. Dawn thinks the person who stole Christmas is “The Grunch.”
2942. Dawn thinks every man who cries should get a stamp.
2943. Dawn reads chicken magazines.
2944. Dawn believes Cleopatra was murdered by donkeys.
2945. Dawn thinks WalMart hires leopards as greeters.
2946. Dawn thinks you get into a woman’s pants by singing the song “You Are My Sunshine.”
2947. Dawn gets emotional whenever she cooks.
2948. Dawn eats a cheeseball whenever anyone kisses their bicep.
2949. Dawn thinks that when cars go fast they go “woof, woof!”
2950. Dawn thinks yoga is one of the “Three R’s” taught in school.
2951. Dawn wants to wear a Christmas tree as a necklace.
2952. Dawn huffs string.
2953. Dawn thinks the Beatles played the kazoo.
2954. Dawn drops a football whenever she hears country music.
2955. Dawn yells “Yay Reba” whenever she hears the song Feliz Navidad.
2956. Dawn says that a personal photographer keeps you grounded.
2957. Dawn learned from “I Love Lucy” that when you know better, you do better.
2958. Dawn sniffs tea to get high.
2959. Dawn wants a buzzing fork for her birthday.
2960. Dawn records and watches bad movies to make sure she still doesn’t like them.
2961. Dawn thinks a gopher comes out of the ground on Groundhog Day.
2962. Dawn says even an elk can bring someone joy.
2963. Dawn randomly shouts out that she loves wheelbarrows.
2964. Dawn runs away from animals screaming “You’re pretty!!!”
2965. Dawn says one of the rules in life is to “never put toilet paper in the kitchen.”
2966. Dawn loves rush hour traffic in Nebraska.
2967. Dawn thinks a rutabaga coaches the San Francisco 49ers.
2968. Dawn envisions Christina Aguilera to be the perfect man.
2969. Dawn thinks the capital city of Texas is a person.
2970. Dawn uses horseshoes to make her house smell better.
2971. Dawn hates herself when she watches a baseball game.
2972. Dawn thinks we should give war heroes sofas instead of medals.
2973. Dawn brags about mastering a map.
2974. Dawn wants to be a member of the chicken council.
2975. Dawn huffs WalMart.
2976. Dawn says that when you’re right, you’re also wrong.
2977. Dawn wants pictures of two men eating dinner.
2978. Dawn believes that the military policy is called “No Ask, Don’t Tell.”
2979. Dawn thinks a romantic way to spend Valentine’s Day is to visit a cemetery.
2980. Dawn thinks Glenn Close sang the song “Rhinestone Cowboy” (Google it!)
2981. Dawn thinks the Hall of Fame quarterback of the 49ers is “Steve Montana”
2982. Dawn boos nice weather.
2983. Dawn tricks homeless people into showering.
2984. Dawn says her personal motto is, “I’ll take the ass.”
2985. Dawn cries whenever a middle school student changes their computer wallpaper.
2986. Dawn writes notes to herself on garbage.
2987. Dawn thinks that an eye ball is the best student in any school.
2988. Dawn thinks pearls come from clam chowder.
2989. Dawn doesn’t know the difference between a restaurant and a pickup truck.
2990. Dawn thinks Rob is Nickelback.
2991. Dawn wants to get a lap dance from a big fish.
2992. Dawn likes to reflect on stupidity.
2993. Dawn slaps herself whenever she falls into a hole.
2994. Dawn thinks fire trucks are cold.
2995. Dawn thinks that when cops arrest people, they say “Give me your hands!”
2996. Dawn is afraid of getting stabbed by a hockey puck.
2997. Dawn encourages people not to date dirty fish.
2998. Dawn says that fat people stand on platitudes.
2999. Dawn buys a clock every 28 days.
3000. Dawn goes to church on Sundays to get a pedicure.
3001. Dawn describes people in a bad mood as being “sarlee.”
3002. Dawn says the worst thing about drug abuse is the lost socks.
3003. Dawn doesn’t mind a sinking ship as long as the toilets are working.
3004. Dawn thinks Patsy Cline is a pro football team.
3005. Dawn yells “Two Minutes!” whenever someone sneezes.
3006. Dawn says that you change as a person by inserting things.
3007. Dawn thinks toilets turn into waterfalls.
3008. Dawn writes poems about people slamming doors in her face.
3009. Dawn describes finding a bargain as taking a number 2.
3010. Dawn thinks the best gift for a widower is a watch.
3011. Dawn thinks cops turn into Hulk Hogan after responding to a call.
3012. Dawn says men are faucets.
3013. Dawn thinks Tim Allen was the first man on the moon.
3014. Dawn believes smashing milk builds character in children.
3015. Dawn wants to travel to St. Louis to attend a toy gun show.
3016. Dawn says the new term for being gay is “Whoop-di-doodley-doo!”
3017. Dawn thinks the Dollar Store is a death metal band.
3018. Dawn thinks Rhode Island is in Europe.
3019. Dawn says men who are married to ugly women have sex with their niceness.
3020. Dawn thinks we should do the show off the air.
3021. Dawn believes that Orthodox Jews chase away evil spirits because they have yeast infections.
3022. Dawn tells men named Sean to “Lighten up, Joe!”
3023. Dawn shouts out “Oh mylanta!” when she is exasperated.
3024. Dawn says that sourdough bread is made from human skin.
3025. Dawn says graphite juice leaks out of pencils.
3026. Dawn thinks serial killers are made out of maxi pads.
3027. Dawn thinks the cartoon Speed Racer was about a banana.
3028. Dawn satisfies her curiosity by doing nothing.
3029. Dawn says that if you disagree with her, you need a new light bulb.
3030. Dawn thinks Al Michaels is a cold shoe.
3031. Dawn’s favorite TV show is “Rednecks Doing Strange Things with Cars.”
3032. Dawn spends her wedding anniversary with her sister.
3033. Dawn says the reason she is bitchy is because her arm itches.
3034. Dawn says you aren’t popular until you have a bobble head.
3035. Dawn thinks that a pillow will stab her while she’s brushing her teeth.
3036. Dawn wants to punch a box of cereal.
3037. Dawn looks in the mirror and says, “Who’s elbow is that?”
3038. Dawn thinks turkeys have tails.
3039. Dawn says doing laundry is harder than rocket science.
3040. Dawn thinks wearing an ass as a hat is a fashion statement.
3041. Dawn thinks PCP is an ice cream.
3042. Dawn says the most inspirational thing she’s ever heard is “there’s something for everyone!”
3043. Dawn thinks every 13th month of the year is Summer.
3044. Dawn proudly proclaims that she is the Queen Of Terrible Retorts.
3045. Dawn is always on the look out for an escaped goat.
3046. Dawn thinks the greatest rapper was Bone W. 40.
3047. Dawn buys new spread sheets whenever she stays at a hotel.
3048. Dawn thinks the dodo bird is a form of snake.
3049. Dawn proudly proclaims that she shaves her feet.
3050. Dawn thinks the Energizer Bunny was the first to climb Mt. Everest.
3051. Dawn fondly remembers vacationing with her father in a dumpster.
3052. Dawn gets amnesia when she gets excited.
3053. Dawn thinks Elizabeth Hasselbeck is married to a gecko.
3054. Dawn says that the only reason she shaves her hoo-ha is to avoid an accident.
3055. Dawn thinks people named Thomas are actually named William.
3056. Dawn thinks moles make candy bars.
3057. Dawn can use her own name to insult her co-workers.
3058. Dawn thinks touching broken bells will give her magical powers.
3059. Dawn thinks that breast feedingl leads to cannibalism in babies.
3060. Dawn thinks wearing a baseball glove is a cure for arthritis.
3061. Dawn thinks the colors of the American flag are orange, red and turquoise.
3062. Dawn says that running over pot holes is a weight loss plan.
3063. Dawn searches Google Images for photos of pussy, infected scabs.
3064. Dawn thinks the Amazon is in Middle America.
3065. Dawn has read all of the Duck Dynasty books.
3066. Dawn likes to give blank CDs and batteries as gifts.
3067. Dawn fondly reminisces about her favorite run in 2003.
3068. Dawn thinks the cat Garfield was the governor of California.
3069. Dawn thinks unicorns are rapists.
3070. Dawn thinks the military institution in Anapolis is called the naval Oscar.
3071. Dawn does calisthenics and dance moves when she’s angry.
3072. Dawn can’t find her camouflage fly swatter she bought from Walmart.
3073. Dawn thinks that rainstorms are filled with vomit falling from the air.
3074. Dawn says the only winner at a game of chicken is the family.
3075. Dawn walks around with a bag of fruit just in case she wants to throw fruit at cars.
3076. Dawn describes awesome as a cow with a banjo.
3077. Dawn thinks it is kick ass to go to agriculture museums on vacation.
3078. Dawn says her greatest childhood memory is when the sprinkler would break.
3079. Dawn thinks a mojito is made with rum and grass.
3080. Dawn thinks grass will freshen her breath.
3081. Dawn calls 9-1-1 to report legal activities.
3082. Dawn drives to work while listening to Christian talk radio.
3083. Dawn thinks former NFL player Keyshawn Johnson was an eye disease.
3084. Dawn thinks lightning only hurts in Denver.
3085. Dawn thinks the theme song for The Sopranos is written by Snoop Dogg.
3086. Dawn thinks good smack talk in football is, “Your mom makes bad meat loaf!”
3087. Dawn believes the history of America started in 2001.
3088. Dawn wants a chair that looks like a chicken.
3089. Dawn thinks Ronald Reagan was a musician.
3090. Dawn talks out loud to the state of Montana.
3091. Dawn wants to move because there are large snakes in Florida.
3092. Dawn gets a used, day old, store-bought cake for her boss’ birthday.
3093. Dawn thinks that once a month marijuana comes out of her.
3094. Dawn says sleep deprivation is fun.
3095. Dawn likes to slow dance with the food she cooks.
3096. Dawn thinks drummers have trigger fingers.
3097. Dawn shouts out loud to her back door, “Come out! Come out!”
3098. Dawn thinks crocodiles fly South for the Winter.
3099. Dawn spits out food that she likes.
3100. Dawn thinks the moon is lazy.
3101. Dawn shouts out loud “No good, No good” whenever she hears a violin.
3102. Dawn gets a yeast infection whenever she looks at a spider.
3103. Dawn wants a special trophy made for herself when she finishes in last place.
3104. Dawn thinks your mom is ugly if you’re a sports fan.
3105. Dawn thinks planes can get bird flu.
3106. Dawn wants to give a dumpster house to kids.
3107. Dawn thinks her mirror is a sports fan.
3108. Dawn thinks about rotten lamb chunks when she eats chicken.
3109. Dawn feels like she is being raped when she shaves.
3110. Dawn thinks Rob is Melissa McCarthy.
3111. Dawn thinks the cause of heart disease is cobras.
3112. Dawn walks up to candy corn and says, “Haha, you’re not in the top 5!”
3113. Dawn waves and says “Have a good weekend!” to recordings.
3114. Dawn refers to people who never have sex as “A People.”
3115. Dawn says her mantra is “I will not be broken by a potato chip.”
3116. Dawn flushes a toilet whenever she drinks wine.
3117. Dawn shouts “woot woot” to tall buildings.
3118. Dawn thinks long periods without sex is like taking care of a plant.
3119. Dawn wants to get a t-shirt made that says “Barn Bitch” on it.
3120. Dawn uses profanity by saying “Cuss word, cuss word, cuss word!”
3121. Dawn has a favorite flour (yes, we mean that kind of flour).
3122. Dawn thinks people who use dishwashers are charlatans.
3123. Dawn thinks ziploc bags are a fire hazard.
3124. Dawn eats a bowl of Positive Krispies every morning.
3125. Dawn thinks that every time she wears a hat, an angel gets its wings.
3126. Dawn says people from El Salvador are the size of ants.
3127. Dawn celebrates Christmas Eve by cutting the cheese with her nieces.
3128. Dawn grabs her left breast whenever she hears Benjamin Bratt’s name.
3129. Dawn thinks porn stars need their feet washed.
3130. Dawn refers to Mel Torme as the foggy velvet person.
3131. Dawn wants to surf the internet with her toothbrush.
3132. Dawn says that if a woman has more hair down there, she is patriotic.
3133. Dawn wears Febreze as a perfume.
3134. Dawn gets “thrilled” when she opens a can of black olives.
3135. Dawn goes to strip clubs because she likes to admire the “great arms” on the strippers.
3136. Dawn thinks Tiger Woods played the role of Al Bundy.
3137. Dawn wants Rob to watch an NBA game and buzz.
3138. Dawn thinks that the Nazi’s salute was “Ah… Hitler!”
3139. Dawn changes her bed sheets every hour to avoid shedding skin cells.
3140. Dawn goes to the movies to count the actor’s blinks.
3141. Dawn thinks people turn into Frankenstein whenever Kim Kardashian talks.
3142. Dawn applauds people who remind us of national tragedies.
3143. Dawn thinks apes go to the bathroom in litter boxes.
3144. Dawn proudly proclaims that she is an avocado afficionado.
3145. Dawn thinks the greatest quarterback to ever play in the NFL is Beyonce.
3146. Dawn craves a slurpee whenever she hears the song “America, The Beautiful.”
3147. Dawn is afraid of escalators.
3148. Dawn celebrates hurricanes by watching Sleepless In Seattle.
3149. Dawn thinks Ronald Regan was shot by Jodie Foster.
3150. Dawn goes to Krispy Kreme stores to yell at the doughnuts.
3151. Dawn thinks people go to alcoholics anonymous because they can’t make their bed.
3152. Dawn says she is going to change the world one stuffed animal at a time.
3153. Dawn thinks people pray to Captain America at mass.
3154. Dawn aspires to be a hair dresser for rats.
3155. Dawn calls cattle associations.
3156. Dawn brags about her passion for buttermilk dressings.
3157. Dawn gives thin people garbage as gifts.
3158. Dawn thinks that in the after life we all go to live in dishwashers.
3159. Dawn finds random cardiologists and says “In your face!”
3160. Dawn thinks it’s kooky to wear pants at a golf course.
3161. Dawn thinks if buildings could talk, they would speak French.
3162. Dawn cheers on body odor.
3163. Dawn believes that International sanctions on China should be as follows, looking at them and saying “Way to go, China.”
3164. Dawn thinks arm fat has its own theme song.
3165. Dawn broke into her high school to steal books to study.
3166. Dawn gets aroused by the smell of cooking rocks.
3167. Dawn roots for the ball when she watches sports.
3168. Dawn is excited to receive plants as gifts just so she can kill them.
3169. Dawn refers to getting back to someone as “eating the revenge apple.”
3170. Dawn celebrates Memorial Day by making herself a burger and saying, “Yay you!”
3171. Dawn describes commercial breaks as “burping it out.”
3172. Dawn defines fun as bowling at the age of 104 years old.
3173. Dawn refers to the movie “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” as “That High School Movie.”
3174. Dawn calls a former best friend a “doozy.”
3175. Dawn does home improvement jobs for people she hates.
3176. Dawn flies to LAX because they have “good tea.”
3177. Dawn thinks Rihanna is apart of the Georgia Swat Team.
3178. Dawn travels to San Diego to watch a 91-year-old woman run.
3179. Dawn thinks you can get pregnant by shoving a love letter in your hoohah.
3180. Dawn dreams to someday yell at the ground about horses.
3181. Dawn doesn’t understand the difference between night and day.
3182. Dawn thinks that Jesus’ middle name is P.
3183. Dawn buys popcorn for people with restless leg syndrome.
3184. Dawn yells at turtles to “Pick a flag!”
3185. Dawn proudly proclaims that she is a super fan of Blake Shelton.
3186. Dawn wants to travel to Boston to track down th Wahlberg family.
3187. Dawn thinks Ellen is a Supreme Court Justice.
3188. Dawn refers to her monthly eggs as “ovulation junk.”
3189. Dawn says that skin cancer is “a thing.”
3190. Dawn thinks that Terry Bradshaw was a WWE wrestler.
3191. Dawn wants to collect the skin of NFL players.
3192. Dawn visits the Grand Canyon and doesn’t even look at it.
3193. Dawn describes farming and baking as “living the dream!”
3194. Dawn thinks you revive victims of a heart attack by spitting on their chest.
3195. Dawn proudly proclaims to own the movie Baby Mama.
3196. Dawn thinks that eating at Denny’s is just as exciting as going to a strip club.
3197. Dawn wants to become a hacker to hack into her own web site.
3198. Dawn rents movies by opening her front door and yelling “Redbox!”
3199. Dawn says when crows make mistakes, they have to eat face.
3200. Dawn says “I like the bucket!” when Thanksgiving is brought up.
3201. Dawn yells at a lizard when she sees a spider.
3202. Dawn gets the chills whenever she hears the words “North Carolina.”
3203. Dawn thinks you can get ebola by swallowing your own vomit.
3204. Dawn won’t serve Thanksgiving dinner at her house until her guests write sentences.
3205. Dawn defines forever as 15 years.
3206. Dawn travels to feed stores to purchase her jewelry.
3207. Dawn thinks Bruce Springsteen is a Reese’s peanut butter cup.
3208. Dawn says “Hello workers” whenever she sees corn on the cob.
3209. Dawn googles “turkey” when she wants to make a pumpkin pie.
3210. Dawn celebrated her 21st birthday by eating cheese biscuits.
3211. Dawn thinks we execute people on death row by giving them herpes.
3212. Dawn says her favorite part of flying is being in a sail boat.
3213. Dawn shouts “Beep! Beep! Beep!” whenever she starts a load of laundry.
3214. Dawn has conversations with her period.
3215. Dawn gets sad at abandoned buildings and visits them.
3216. Dawn wants to dig up her dead grandfather and give him a hug.
3217. Dawn likes to do squats when she watches the Super Bowl.
3218. Dawn says porupines speak through corn.
3219. Dawn calls Tom Selleck when she sees a crime.
3220. Dawn thinks the bear from the movie Ted is actually Paddington Bear.
3221. Dawn wants to start a Facebook page for bookshelves.
3222. Dawn thinks American Sniper is a kids movie.
3223. Dawn records episodes of Judge Judy.
3224. Dawn shouts “Amen!” whenever she turns on the shower.
3225. Dawn yells “Where are the cooks?” whenever she sees people fighting.
3226. Dawn lives by the slogan “a right doesn’t always make a whatever.”
3227. Dawn wants a doo-doo card.
3228. Dawn talks smack to coffee.
3229. Dawn likes to hug dust.
3230. Dawn says that orphans should be raised by super cute socks.
3231. Dawn lives by the slogan “eventually the road will get ya!”
3232. Dawn says our show is so successful because we know guys named Al.
3233. Dawn takes road trips with Satan.
3234. Dawn thinks 2 minutes equals forever.
3235. Dawn describes heaven as an old shopping center.
3236. Dawn thinks playing rock paper scissors is “partying.”
3237. Dawn thinks all surgeons are cross-stitchers.
3238. Dawn takes pictures of old men on bicycles.
3239. Dawn wants to be fired for being correct.
3240. Dawn thinks that our show is the same as a game of Uno.
3241. Dawn says that part of aging is “losing the dew.”
3252. Dawn dreams about stranger’s potato salad.