Don’t get me wrong, I love all my family and friends that are Moms, but….Mother’s Day SUCKS ASS when you wish you were a Mom. I don’t want to think that I am speaking for all the Mom hopefuls out there, so I will just speak for myself and those of you that feel the same way as me we can wallow in our self-pity together LOL!!!
I’ve noticed that I am WAY more bothered by Mother’s Day this year than prior years. I’m not sure why that is, I can only guess..maybe it’s because I in no way shape or form thought I would be 47 and childless so its seeming less and less possible that it will happen?? Or maybe it’s because I’m actually working on the pain of not being a Mom so I’m a tad bit more sensitive about it this year??? Who knows. I do have a therapy appointment in the next few days so I’m sure I’ll find out then…joy o joy…that’s sarcasm!
In the meantime l’m freaking grumpy and sad about it. And I’m allowing myself to be grumpy and sad about it damn it. You know overall I’m a happy person I am well aware that I have a really good life and I don’t take that for granted , I’ve won the lottery when it comes to husbands, I have amazing sisters and girlfriends and our nieces, nephews and godchildren love me very much. I am also well aware of all the terrible shit that’s happening in people’s lives on a daily basis. I live my life having perspective. But you know what that doesn’t mean that I for a few days can’t be a grumpy asshole about this year’s Mother’s Day! It’s a real pain, a deep pain and no one can understand it but those of us going thru it.
My favorite I got to tell you is when the Universe knows something is bothering you and then makes sure the very thing that is bothering you is ALL around you more so than usual. I was at the grocery store the other day doing my shopping around the same time as always but of course on this particular day when I am already on the verge of tears, I can barely keep my emotions together at the thought of not being a Mom and who is at the fucking grocery store???? That’s right Mother’s with their new born babies everywhere, no seriously everywhere. Now you might be saying what’s unusual about that Dawn? Well in and of itself nothing there are usually Mom’s at the grocery store with their children when I am there..but this was like a huge Casino bus just drove up and a shit ton of moms with their babies and children got off that bus. Every freaking corner I turned there they were, I wanted to just run out of the store screaming my freaking head off, I couldn’t even make eye contact with these women because I knew the flood gates would open and how weird would that have been for these Moms, a woman standing there crying her eyes out looking at you…yep that would have been a tad bit weird!!!
My other favorite is when people say to you, ‘oh it will happen you will become a Mom someday’ and I’m thinking well thank you for that that is so comforting makes everything all better, why didn’t I think of that! As they go home to their children and get to be called Mom. You know they are being genuine, but that’s like telling a single girl who is depressed that she hasn’t found love yet that it’s just around the corner and will happen when she least expects it, as the person telling her this skips away with the love of their life lol!!!
This Mother’s Day I’ll be holed up and shutting it down. No social media, no live TV, no Lifetime mom movie marathon, no going anywhere in public. Oh god for sure not going anywhere in public don’t need a bunch of people wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day, I know they are just being nice and wishing each woman they see a Happy Mother’s Day but when you feel like I do right now they might as well just take a knife and stab me in the heart lol!
It’s a travel day for my hubby which I think is a good thing for him, he is an amazing source of comfort but this year I’m feeling so crappy I don’t need to take him down with me!!! So my day will consist of enjoying the cool morning weather as I feed and spend some time with the chickens, goats and sheep they are all so darn cute it’s bound to make me feel a bit better. I’m going to make sure I have only healthy food available at the house so I don’t put myself in a junk food coma! Then I’m going to curl up in our extremely comfy bed with our crazy cat Bailey surrounded by all our comfy pillows and big puffy comforter and watch mindless, stupid, silly, funny TV. And then I’ll get over myself and join the world on Monday!
